Thursday, September 08, 2011


I'm going to be attending the dance class in a couple of hours. I haven't registered yet but I decided to go there about 3 weeks ago. I'm nervous in many ways and scared. Yet, excited and I guess, this is what they call mixed feelings.

For one, I haven't gone for dance classes in years. Furthermore, I've only been to ballet and latin dance classes, not street jazz, not hip hop. Lastly, it's been 1 1/2 years since I actually danced. So, yeah, I'm nervous and I wish I could have told someone about it to lose all these feelings.

I'm worried and paranoid. What if the class isn't today? What if I've got the timing wrong? What if what I'm wearing isn't appropriate? What if I just don't blend in? I do have all those details but just, what if it wasn't what I expected? :S What if I don't get it right or can't catch up? What if I don't get along with the other people?

Of course, it would have been great if I've got a friend to join me in the classes but no, there isn't one. So, tonight, I'm on my own. Strategy: if you're an introvert, you won't be noticed except by the teacher. Oh wait, everyone notices the new kid. pfft. >.<

Wednesday, September 07, 2011


During this holidays, I've spent quite a bit =/ or rather a lot... on shoes, clothes and artstuff. I'll probably have the chance to always make use of the shoes but the clothes, I'm not sure. Well, they are casual and they were nice but definitely not to be worn to the hospital. And if it's going to be casual wear, then it would most likely stay in the closet for quite a while.

As I was just thinking back, I thought about how I used to dislike my friends in high school. Now, I think I'm beginning to become one of them. It is inevitable. But, it can be changed. Everyone has their own strong quatlities, some people don't mind it, others hate it. Some deem it bad, some think it's good. But at the end of the day, it's how you look at it and no one is right or wrong (of course unless it's a crime whereby lives are involved and someone got hurt real badly). Otherwise, it's just another learning experience, not to be made again.

At times, I feel lost, not knowing what to do with so much free time. I know I'm supposed to use it to the fullest, waste no time, spend it with family and all but really, I don't think I know how. Before it was always studying and squeezing some extra time with some friends to watch a couple of series. Then, back to studying again. Now, it's more like sleeping and thinking about what to do next. Well, unlike my other friends who chose to do an attachment in the hospital or have plans with family like travelling overseas, visiting relatives, weddings etc, I'm pretty much at home and generally, I don't like the emptiness felt.

Everything that's fun require some amount of cash. Visiting places, going on a food outing, travelling, watching movies, some activity like ice-skating/bowling, going to theme parks etc. So, all I can do is watch AFC (Asian Food Channel) and read novels borrowed from my sis-in-law to pass time. By the way, taking care after a baby is not easy and I don't enjoy it. >.<

Just for a day

Have you thought about what you could be doing with the time if you were not on your computer/laptop?

Some people would actually have better things to do and with other people who are more important in their lives. Some people would be at a lost because most of the time, they are in front of their laptops.

For me, I fall in the second category but just a random thought and challenge. What if you don't turn on your laptop for just a day? Then, you wouldn't be charging the laptop all day (say you don't let it run on battery). And, if a group of us did it, then, it would in a way conserve resources for one day! Would it make a difference? Hmm, that I don't know but there should be an effect for every thing done, right?

Think about everyone not going to check their emails, tweet, facebook or blog for a day. Don't you think that's cool? I think it is :) heh..

Tuesday, September 06, 2011


You can't take back what you've said.
You can't undo what you've did.

But, you can change what you can say and do.
You can choose what to say and do.


Reminiscing - To recollect and tell of past experiences.

That's what I've been doing. Thinking about the past while moving forward to another day of holiday. I'm starting feel a bit bored at home but it is something that I won't complain because it's better to have holidays than none. But still, I'm not doing anything productive at home.

Monday, September 05, 2011


The last thing I needed was another hurdle to jump over. Someone thought I made a mistake, I didn't think so. I tried to fix it. Things got worse. I tried fixing it again. It doesn't feel like things are getting better. I should have just left it I guess but I didn't.

This reminds me of the malay proverb 'bagai tikus membaiki labu' which brings about the meaning whereby the mouse tries to fixed the pumpkin with holes by biting it away but the holes got bigger. For some reason, I'd end up in situations like this.

The more I think about it, the more I relate it to my upbringing. I guess it was different and it wouldn't be the first time since people questioned me regarding my understanding.


Waiting is not easy.

especially when it's a reply via text, email, or a phonecall.



No one sees things the way I do. No one would accept the way I figure things out. No one would ever understand.

We just have different upbringing.