Wednesday, October 19, 2011

#71

Dr: Which year are you in?
Me: 4th year
Dr: Do you know how to take a Dextrostix?
Me: Yeah, I think so. *puzzled*
Dr: Don't be so confident ah you.
Me: *wtf*

Had I said just yes, wouldn't that just be overconfident? And I ended up seeing him poking the patient twice just to take blood for a random blood glucose reading.

I am not enjoying my attachment. Seriously.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

#70

I'm going to be attending the dance class in a couple of hours. I haven't registered yet but I decided to go there about 3 weeks ago. I'm nervous in many ways and scared. Yet, excited and I guess, this is what they call mixed feelings.

For one, I haven't gone for dance classes in years. Furthermore, I've only been to ballet and latin dance classes, not street jazz, not hip hop. Lastly, it's been 1 1/2 years since I actually danced. So, yeah, I'm nervous and I wish I could have told someone about it to lose all these feelings.

I'm worried and paranoid. What if the class isn't today? What if I've got the timing wrong? What if what I'm wearing isn't appropriate? What if I just don't blend in? I do have all those details but just, what if it wasn't what I expected? :S What if I don't get it right or can't catch up? What if I don't get along with the other people?

Of course, it would have been great if I've got a friend to join me in the classes but no, there isn't one. So, tonight, I'm on my own. Strategy: if you're an introvert, you won't be noticed except by the teacher. Oh wait, everyone notices the new kid. pfft. >.<

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

#69

During this holidays, I've spent quite a bit =/ or rather a lot... on shoes, clothes and artstuff. I'll probably have the chance to always make use of the shoes but the clothes, I'm not sure. Well, they are casual and they were nice but definitely not to be worn to the hospital. And if it's going to be casual wear, then it would most likely stay in the closet for quite a while.

As I was just thinking back, I thought about how I used to dislike my friends in high school. Now, I think I'm beginning to become one of them. It is inevitable. But, it can be changed. Everyone has their own strong quatlities, some people don't mind it, others hate it. Some deem it bad, some think it's good. But at the end of the day, it's how you look at it and no one is right or wrong (of course unless it's a crime whereby lives are involved and someone got hurt real badly). Otherwise, it's just another learning experience, not to be made again.

At times, I feel lost, not knowing what to do with so much free time. I know I'm supposed to use it to the fullest, waste no time, spend it with family and all but really, I don't think I know how. Before it was always studying and squeezing some extra time with some friends to watch a couple of series. Then, back to studying again. Now, it's more like sleeping and thinking about what to do next. Well, unlike my other friends who chose to do an attachment in the hospital or have plans with family like travelling overseas, visiting relatives, weddings etc, I'm pretty much at home and generally, I don't like the emptiness felt.

Everything that's fun require some amount of cash. Visiting places, going on a food outing, travelling, watching movies, some activity like ice-skating/bowling, going to theme parks etc. So, all I can do is watch AFC (Asian Food Channel) and read novels borrowed from my sis-in-law to pass time. By the way, taking care after a baby is not easy and I don't enjoy it. >.<

Just for a day

Have you thought about what you could be doing with the time if you were not on your computer/laptop?

Some people would actually have better things to do and with other people who are more important in their lives. Some people would be at a lost because most of the time, they are in front of their laptops.

For me, I fall in the second category but just a random thought and challenge. What if you don't turn on your laptop for just a day? Then, you wouldn't be charging the laptop all day (say you don't let it run on battery). And, if a group of us did it, then, it would in a way conserve resources for one day! Would it make a difference? Hmm, that I don't know but there should be an effect for every thing done, right?

Think about everyone not going to check their emails, tweet, facebook or blog for a day. Don't you think that's cool? I think it is :) heh..

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

#68

You can't take back what you've said.
You can't undo what you've did.

But, you can change what you can say and do.
You can choose what to say and do.

#67

Reminiscing - To recollect and tell of past experiences.

That's what I've been doing. Thinking about the past while moving forward to another day of holiday. I'm starting feel a bit bored at home but it is something that I won't complain because it's better to have holidays than none. But still, I'm not doing anything productive at home.

Monday, September 05, 2011

#66

The last thing I needed was another hurdle to jump over. Someone thought I made a mistake, I didn't think so. I tried to fix it. Things got worse. I tried fixing it again. It doesn't feel like things are getting better. I should have just left it I guess but I didn't.

This reminds me of the malay proverb 'bagai tikus membaiki labu' which brings about the meaning whereby the mouse tries to fixed the pumpkin with holes by biting it away but the holes got bigger. For some reason, I'd end up in situations like this.

The more I think about it, the more I relate it to my upbringing. I guess it was different and it wouldn't be the first time since people questioned me regarding my understanding.

#65

Waiting is not easy.

especially when it's a reply via text, email, or a phonecall.

*sigh*

#64

No one sees things the way I do. No one would accept the way I figure things out. No one would ever understand.

We just have different upbringing.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

#62

I found a dance school for my non-medical attachment. Looks like I'm going to pick up Street Jazz and Hip Hop. I've never gone for dance classes for those styles. So, it's going to be a new experience for me and I'm looking forward to it. I'm starting in September, which means I still have some free time on my hands.

Lately, I've been working on some origami of making little books with 8 pages in it. More about this later. I'm also looking forward to catching up with some of my friends. :) 1 week of holidays has passed and I have managed to wrap a book, fold swans for fun and take care of my neice. I think starting from tomorrow onwards (or rather today), things are going to be different. I sense that there'll be a change in the things I do and I have a good feeling about it.

It feels good to let go of certain things, of the past and bitterness. It feels nice to have finally made peace. The path you want to walk depends on how you want it to be. That's the message I think the universe tried to convey to me.

Monday, August 22, 2011

#61

The Hand That Will Save Lives
This is not about learning surgical instruments. It's a picture I intended to take but probably would have been better at a different angle. But, the time and place did not permit me to do so. I like this picture still, if you see it the way I do. :)

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Let the holidays begin...

So, after the many weeks of posting after posting to weeks of studying to days of exams to this morning, we had a pretty comforting news that there were no candidates for borderline OSCE. It was 4 hours of waiting with no source of entertainment but anxiously seeing who comes through the doors and what news they brought. Yes, I made it through another hurdle despite whatever my grades would be. :) And, that is all that matters.

Family and friends have been telling me that grades don't matter once you've graduated as long as you pass.

I'm going to have 2 1/2 months of holidays of which one month consist of a non-medical attachment and one month of medical attachment. Well, usually, both would end up like holidays to me. :) I'll probably be posting more about the silly things that happened during exams. My list of things to do will not vary drastically. It includes:

a) trying a new cake or cupcake recipe
b) dancing
c) learning new songs on the piano
d) photography
e) catching movies
f) shopping and spending time with my family
g) read novels while listening to songs
h) cards, handmade stuff
i) taking care of my neice :)
j) try new food at new places

Well, that's all for now.

Sunday, August 07, 2011

#59

In less than 48 hours, I'm going to take one of the most important exams ever, EOS 7. Am I prepared? Not exactly. I suppose that is the feeling that most of us get. We can never finish studying. We can't predict what questions would be asked.

We can pass if we know what we know. Probably, it's easy to pass but not that easy to get a distinction. I'm not aiming that high because I don't think I'm filled with adequate knowledge to get me there. But, I am aiming that high so that I would land a good pass, not a borderline one. Why so? Because borderline pass students would be required to go for Viva and that worries me.

In some ways, I think about it optimistically like how there's only 15 questions in SAQ and 12 OSPE questions. 7 postings to study and yeah, anything can be asked. Internal medicine, surgery, family medicine, psychiatry, obstetrics, orthopedics and pediatrics. I can't fit everything. So, pray for me... pray for my friends that everyone would pass. :)

As for OSCE, there's 8 short stations and 8 long stations. The marks are stand alone, so it is a MUST to pass OSCE. On the bright side, it's only SAQ on Monday and OSPE on Wednesday. OSCEs are on the following Monday and Tuesday. We'd know our results on Wednesday. If I pass, I get to go home. :) There is no resit for exams like this. So, we either pass or we don't and no one would want to be left behind.

A lecturer of mine said something that was somewhat inspiring. We've already got 40% (assuming every EOP, MCQ, case write-ups were As), then we'd only have another 10% to collect out of the 60%. But, reality is that I'd probably have 20% and have got another 30% to collect. It seems possible because it's all figures. Aaah... exams are inevitable. Somehow that day would eventually come and it's tomorrow.

I miss home :( I want to go back after exams with a smile so that I'd enjoy the 2 months of 'break' there'd be.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

#58

Some people can really get on my nerves multiple times in a day. And all I can do is be patient because regret is something I don't want to feel when I say the wrong things at the wrong time. If I deliberately get back at them, it would make me one of them but what can be done when it's the final straw? Do you just let it go as always? The advice 'Don't care about them' is easier said than done when the person giving the advice is in the shoes of the person being adviced.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

#57

Just yesterday, I was thinking about why I need to come up with learning issues and find sources to write about it. Who knew we would have to do this someday when we were in clinical school? I had no idea. :S

I mean, when in Phase 1, we had to come up with at least 8 learning issues. The fewer the issues, the happier we were because that meant less work and that the session would end faster but thinking about it now, when we had a lot of time, it should have been used properly so that those sessions would end up sticking in our heads until Phase 2. If you ask me, I have not a clue about what I learnt. I might have a bit of basics but when it comes to molecular level, there is no way would I be able to recall lectures on differences between acute and chronic inflammation or perhaps the processes of cell formation and antibodies, process of inflammation etc.

Now, I find it taxing, but only to a certain extent because there are marks for it and there are lecturers who have a certain amount of expectations. I do not like writing learning issues because I am unable to find answers from journals to the question I have posed as an issue. It is not as simple as picking something off the internet like a newspaper article or from a forum discussion. Another reason is because of the time constraint and the amount of ideas that should be generated. Sure, we have 5 weeks to come up with 9 learning issues. 2 learning issues for 4 summaries and 1 for report. But what actually happens during a 5 week posting?

Week 1: Familiarising to a new posting. New schedule. New environment. New style of clerking. New techniques to learn. Basically, everything is NEW!

Week 2: Getting started. Well this should have been done in week 1 actually but it almost never happen unless the mind can be trained in a way to learn and cramp everything in advanced. So we start clerking in pairs. We make mistakes almost all the time. There would always be a piece of missing information.

Week 3: Getting the hang of it. So, this is the time when I would start looking for cases to write on and usually not very successful. This is also the time when I realise that it is rather difficult to look for suitable learning issues. This is the week where I learn to make issues out of things. :)

Week 4: Getting somewhere. This is the week when we are familiarised with the curriculum. I know I am heading somewhere. I know now what this posting is about. But, oh snap, exam is in week 5! This is the week when case summaries and reports should be finished but still, it doesn't happen. Mugging starts here.

Week 5: Exam time. Case summaries/report deadline. Stress.

This cycle repeated itself 3 times during this semester and I am about to go through it the 4th time. Lucky for me, some postings allow us to hand in our assignments on the Monday of a new posting and that would be tomorrow. I still have one more learning issue and one case formulation to complete. *Sigh*

Friday, June 17, 2011

#56

This is an experience I thought of sharing. The reason why I am writing about this is because I believe that obsessive compulsive personality discorder is not a laughing matter when it could be for some. OCPD is different from OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder) in many ways yet similar in some. In OCD, the patient would be aware of it but this is not so in OCPD.

During my posting in psychiatry, I met a patient. It is amazing by how much you can learn by just observing a person's actions and this is not something that someone would normally do unless you have a lot of free time in the world. Well, I had that free time. At first, it was a bit odd because this person also has schizophrenia and so there were stories which my friends and I heard. After awhile, I noticed that this person would ask the same question at least 2 - 3 times even though an answer was given after a few minutes each time. Everything had to be proper it seemed. Arrangement of the things brought along, sitting posture, properly structured English sentences.

Initially, a few people laughed because it was weird to ask a question over and over again after being told the answer multiple times. But then later, I noticed that it was not weird at all and this person, I felt, was actually anxious and required reassurance. And I was right, this person did have OCPD. I felt that this was an amazing experience because it is sort of like getting a diagnosis right without being told. It is sort of like being able to pick up something just by observing and not just that, by listening to what patients have to say, they make the best teachers.

This is also one of the reasons why we are advised to spend more time in the hospital than to study books because everyone comes with a different presentation. One matter can overlap with another. One matter may predispose a person to another disease/problem. I guess what I am also trying to say is that mental illnesses is not something to joke about. Sure, it can be joked about among a circle of friends but not in front of a patient or stranger because it is a sensitive issue and that does not mean these patients do not deserve the care. I feel that they are the ones who deserve more care.

I met many doctors who inspired me and taught me these lessons of caring for a patient. Child psychiatry (Autism, Down's, learning disabilities etc) and neuropsychiatry (dealing with behavioural changes in Parkinson's, Alzheimer's etc) were two fields which caught my attention. It's not that doctors in other postings do not care about their patients but I suppose it is because in psychiatry, there just had to be extra attention to the patient's wellbeing.

At this point, how many are there who actually care for the patients? Back in Phase 1, we knew nothing about empathy. We were excited over cases, not patients. The more severe, serious and rare it was, the more excited we would be. But now, it is different. Sometimes, I find it depressing. I am yet to be able to deal with death well. I cried a lot when 2 patients whom I have been following up with since their admission passed away because I got to know what went wrong, how their lives have been and the suffering at the end. And I know that crying was normal.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

#55

The end of psychiatry posting means a beginning of a new one - orthopedics. I've been through paediatrics, obstetrics, family medicine, internal medicine and surgery. What do I like best?

I like the time I get in psychiatry. It is not as hectic as the others. Well, the time I have is similar to family medicine.

I like surgery because it is straightforward unlike in internal medicine wherby one thing can be caused by this and be affected by that etc. I find that surgery is similar to obstetrics because it is fixed. There is a problem, fix the problem, and it's settled. This is also a reason why I like obstetrics but only from the theoretical point of view.

I like the variety seen in both paediatrics and internal medicine but the scope is really wide. This makes me wonder if I would someday be competent in these fields if I chose to stick to either one. Nevertheless, speaking about psychiatry, it really is not too bad. I enjoyed my posting. I have learnt to empathize. Just because someone is mentally ill does not necessarily mean that they would be forever. With motivation, a person can make a difference in his/her own life.

For me, I am lucky to have motivation and support from a few friends. :) So, what's next? Well, there is another long case (practical which lasts for about 1 1/2 hours) in 5 weeks, OBA on psychiatry and orthopedics in 5 weeks, and one major exam (4 days in 2 weeks) in 7 weeks. Confusing, isn't it? This also kind of means that I probably may not have the time to update the blog as usual.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

♥ 4

I call this 'Scattered Hearts' but my friends preferred to call this 'Basket of Love'. I guess it depends on how you see it.

Monday, May 23, 2011

♥ 3

We all know the song. :) And it was one of my favourite songs. So, I just had to make this.

For the record, it was not easy but I managed to turn a thought into something that can be seen physically. :) If held upside down, the hearts will drop out because I purposely left a slit there. This is A6 size as well.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Hama beads

These are called hama beads. They are also known as Pyssla beads. I bought one whole container of it in Ikea as well as the boards which allows me to arrange the beads on.
...The beads...

...Beads arranged on the board...

You get the idea, right? So after you've arranged it on the board, place the butter paper which came along with the board on top of the beads and iron it. With various arrangements, you can make all sorts of things if you can think about it. I googled what other people have done before to get ideas and how they did it.

...First batch of creations...

...Various coloured ninjas...

I made these with my friends. Well, some people made key chains, magnets, earrings, accessories out of these and when I give it to my friends, I tell them to do whatever that they want with it because if it was me, I would probably try to make a bookmark out of it by sewing to a fabric.

This one is called 'Ninjas from all around the world, UNITE!' :)

Have a nice day everyone...

Monday, May 16, 2011

♥ 2

Personally, I thought that the words are meaningful which was why I had to remake this. I think it would be nice if this could be made in a wallet-card size so then, when it is given to another person, the other person can carry it around wherever he/she goes. :)


So as you can see, this is done on a plain white paper. I followed how the fonts were in the original and the two characters because those were the things which captured my attention. I just added borders using the papers my mum bought for me from Japan a year back and in a way, I feel that the red makes it vibrant. This is probably not seen in the picture because I did not take a very good picture but I suppose, you get the idea. :)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

♥ 1

I get inspiration from IHeartLove sometimes. I see what I like and I reproduce in my own ways. The ideas are there, the messages are there but the pictures are not exactly the same.

This was one of the first few I've made. These are not A4 sized by the way. It is as small as a notebook, A6 in size.

If there is anything I would want to improve on, it would be the words, I think they could have been written more beautifully. :) But, I like the umbrella! I have never been able to carve a curve using a penknife but I guess because it is small, it was easier and the paper did not tear at all!

Well, I hope you'd like this collage as much as I do.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Door Sign 2

I did this quite awhile ago. Maybe 2 months back when I had some free time for my housemates, Natashini and Siew Ting. Previously, I made one for my other housemate, Edmund *click to see link* and from there I made a couple of alterations so that this door sign can stick without damaging the back part.

I think in a way its easier to design something for a girl because flowers, red/pink and any sort of laces would do the trick. :) The papers are from Whimsical Articles. I bought them a few years ago, never exactly finished using it.

So, Natashini's door sign has got laces at the top and bottom border which were from Bukit Mertajam. I used the same lace when I made a book cover for my self. I think the design of the paper made it really complete because the colours are vibrant and strong. So, in designing this, there wasn't a lot of effort required except for cutting out the letters. :)


For Siew Ting's, I decided to choose a softer colour. The flowers are are also laces. But for this, I don't think I did a very good job in cutting out the names. I could have been much better and the longer the name, then the spacing and size of each letter has to be carefully planned out. It turned out alright. :) Again, I just let the paper do the work.

The size of these are half of an A4 and I sticked them on a hard card first, then on a thick plastic board.

Saturday, February 05, 2011

#54

Happy Chinese New Year :)

This year, I'm not so in the CNY mood because of there's an exam to study for. Well, it's not just my batch but the Semester 7 and 9 students will be sitting for their major exams too. What a timing, eh? I didn't go back to my hometown. Last year, I was in Bangkok during CNY but this year, I'm just at home. Well, I'm looking forward to my 2-week break after this coming week. :) Doing fun and exciting things are on my to-do list for real. :)

Friday, January 21, 2011

#53

This whole week seem like a crazy week to me. Perhaps I'm already on the 'burnt out' phase and I'm slowly losing it. I can't seem to finish my work in time which frustrates me and more than ever, I am stressed because my practical exam is next week!

I'm not even half prepared. I doubt myself in the knowledge I know and on top of that, I feel like I don't know much. I know it is something which we all experience. Heck, I've even experienced this before but why can't I handle it better now? It could be because of the environment, the topics to study or just an inner self-conflict thing going on. One thing is for sure, I'm not giving up just yet although I'm about to. :/

On the contrary, as I've been homesick, my friend took me out for dinner yesterday. I think it was nice of him seeing that I'm so lazy to even step out of the house to get food for myself. :) Another friend of mine cooked something from home and I really really miss homecooked food. I've never taken my mum's cooking for granted. But, it's been awhile since she last cooked when I'm back home.

CONCENTRATE! (omg, my laundry is only halfway done, so many clothes to iron... :( and I guess at some point, I knew I'd come to situations like these. That is after all a student's life.)

Sunday, January 16, 2011

#52

I didn't go back home last weekend. Instead, I stayed back in Seremban where I spent most of my time alone at home. It was alright at first. I enjoyed the peace, the silence (because my neighbour moved and her dogs went with her as well)... until evening comes. That is when I start hearing weird sounds.

I know that I don't have a neighbour on my right. But, somehow, I keep hearing door closing and the creaks as if someone is downstairs or beside the wall. If it was from the neighbour on the left, then, it must be really loud because my housemate's room keeps my room separated from the neighbour on the left.

Yes, I did freaked out. Who wouldn't be? The last time I was home alone, there was a blackout for a few hours and I did not have a torchlight with me. Back then, my cellphone battery was also dying. Now, I keep everything charged :) There is a torchlight with me now. And, there is a hammer at home. That means if anyone comes without telling me who he/she is, the first thing I'll do is hit them, then only turn on the lights to see who it is. Safety first! :P

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Purple Roses

A friend of mine was curious about the rose I made for another friend. So, I thought my friend how to make them.

Petals cut out, stretched and tips rolled. I think we made 32 of those. 16 petals for each rose and then we glued it onto a green stick which I bought from a florist shop. It's a bit difficult to explain how the process is. Jien thought me how to do this 2 years back. I've only done 4 so far. The purple rose was my fifth.

*pretty* :)

Apparently, every colour has a different meaning. You could google to know more about it.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Handmade Card 6

What do you do when you have very little/no time to plan a card design?
I would:
1) Find a friend to help me
2) Incorporate the essentials of a birthday card
.......i) Front cover
.......ii) The wish 'Happy Birthday'
.......iii) Message corner

And, that was what I did. If you've read a previous post about my creations, I mentioned that what I did last year was a mix and match of previous designs.

I honestly feel that it was not the best effort but I tried making it presentable. In total, there are 4 pages.

Page 1: Front cover

Page 2: Birthday wish

Page 3: Friend's contribution :)

Page 4: Message section and a rose with a lace to give it a 'feminine touch' ^^


Everything put together...

and binded...

It turns out to be some sort of like a calender. The idea is that it is up to my friend to display which page she feels like seeing for the day etc.

I was telling my friends that this picture looks emo because it seems like a story whereby the guy leaves a girl with a memory of a flower and no messages. But then again, it'd be weird because if he was going to leave the girl, why bother getting a rose or a card with design, right?

*imagination* :)

Sunday, January 09, 2011

#51

Everytime I find myself in the same situation, I'd think bout what my mum would say or have said to me:

1. "Let Ko finish his work. Don't disturb him..."
2. "Cry for what? Don't be silly... :) There's no point crying..."
3. "Just let it be. It's not your fault."
4. "Studies are more important than boys."

Of late, there has been many things crossing my mind. They don't retain, not even the academic stuff. I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of listening. And, I know that if I stopped thinking and listening, then, I'm going to start losing out on things bit by bit. I refuse to believe that I'm heading towards the "burning out" phase even before the battle starts.

Saturday, January 08, 2011

Door sign

I did not have a lot of time to do handmade stuff last year mainly because I had a major exam to concentrate in which was EOS 5 and after moving Seremban, there was even less time to explore and experiment making new things.

After looking back at what my latest creation was in the list, I realised that it was a book cover. O.O And I thought, goodness, that was nearly a year ago! No wonder my skills got so rusty. Even when it came to using a penknife, I have tremors. It seems that the intricate movements or skills if I may call it are no longer there. Or maybe, it was because I was making stuff after playing badminton on the day before. Hence, muscle fatigue.

Perhaps the other reason was because I haven't felt inspired for awhile. So, I haven't got any fresh ideas to challenge myself with. Anyway, I did make a door sign for a friend. Once in awhile, I like giving surprises. :) It's not just for special occassions, but I sometimes do it upon requests or when I feel like it. Ideas and colour combinations from previous creations are mixed and matched.
I believe the size is nearly half of an A4 paper. It's simply just a 2 papers on top of another. The only thing that I found challenging was to approximate the size and spacing; and, to stitch using as little time possible. In my past creations, I would take up to a few days to prepare and finish it.

My friend was telling me that I could be selling this already. Well, maybe... but I thought differently because why would people buy when they can also make it themselves? Even now, there are door signs made out of wood etc. Maybe in future, it'd be different. I used to make wallet cards, but now, I see that they can be bought. Yet, I still like personalized items. :)

Saturday, January 01, 2011

1.11.11

Happy New Year everyone!

2010 was not particularly an interesting year for me as it was filled with exam stress which I could not handle and a change in lifestyle. Although 2011 will be filled with more exams and challenges, I know that I'll make the best of 2011.

As I looked back on my resolutions in 2010, I knew that I did not fulfill most of them mainly because they've been forgotten along the way. Hence, for this year, I tried making more reasonable and simple ones.

I found hope and love towards the end and I sure do hope that things would either maintain or be brought to a higher level in terms of friendship. Surely, there were many unforeseen occurences as well downfalls. That's what a new year is for, don't you think so?

A new year to me denotes a new beginning, a new start and a reason for me to think about everything that happened in the past year which I would want to improve on. I hope it'll be a good year ahead for every one. :)