#50

Recently, I have been having a flow of thoughts which I can't control and I have been thinking about many things. Along with these thoughts were also the various negative emotions: anger, sadness, frustrated, fear which were changing almost constantly. The main topic was friendship. When problems arise, how does one deal with it then? When there is a communication breakdown, how do we go about it? When both sides continue to keep things to themselves and finally let out, how bad would the impact be?

It was mainly my fault anyway when recently things didn't go too well. Unknowingly, I've been insensitive. I tried to patch things up and to some extent, I figured that things may not go back to being normal like how it used to be. With exams coming up, reports to submit, research to conduct, time is being sacrificed and it stresses me out. I find that I'm unable to cope a few things at a time.

TRY --> that's all I can do now, with no promises. :( I don't know if it'll work, but at least, I tried... I guess.

I made too many wishes tonight. One of it had a 'If only it didn't happen...' meaning. Uncertainty is something I am facing as well. There is always a possibility, likelihood, a chance. Like what people would normally say, "Give it some time. Only time can tell."

At this point, I don't know what to expect of the friendship. I believe there would be a situation where there is nothing to talk about. I'm sure many of us experience the same thing. It's just that we have different ways to handle it. Sometimes, I don't understand how I keep making mistakes which results in countless "cold wars" over the past 3 months. In the end, I'll be back to asking myself if the friendship was worth fighting for. Was it too much of a burden? Did it do me any good? Did it bring harm to the other person? Questions, questions, and questions...