Just Another Thought

I once believed that a post with many words is a good one as opposed to a post with a couple of pictures. But, people still prefer pictures over words because it's easier to see than to read. While blogging is just one excuse for me to not study, I came to think about exams. Yeap, just one of those pre-exam blues. I was chatting with a friend much much earlier and obviously the main topic of our conversation was related to studies.

It got me thinking about how I would do and preparation and all. How confident would I be by then to pass the exams? I probably may be able to build the confidence for the practical (OSCE) but I don't know about the theory. Someone told me that the period from now until the time I sit for the exam is like a marathon, not a sprint. I told him that I never do well in marathons. Not only does it take a lot of willpower and mental energy, it physically wears you out as well when you don't get enough sleep after staying up all night.

In the end, some resort to unhealthy habits like smoking or unhealthy thoughts like giving up or just wanting to hurt oneself so badly. For some, it's just shutting oneself from the outside world and building barriers or walls to refrain people from disturbing your flow of thoughts and momentum of efforts. But, taking a step back... and I'd start thinking, is this all really necessary? I nearly ended up in one of those roads before. Probably days, weeks or even years ago.

Why are we so influenced by our friends or the fact that there is very little time left? Even one month can seem like years to some people. I guess what I am trying to say is that many things are relative and is based on what we have experienced, believed and what we were taught. One on hand, I have a friend who is freaked out over exams, who is stressed all the time and is afraid of what might happen. But the good thing is, this friend of mine is consistent, smart, disciplined and many more and that is only because the fear of not doing well. On the other hand which is a complete opposite, there is the relaxed dude who takes things as it comes. This person is calm at all times and knows how to balance the time well between work and play. Sometimes, it may be a little bit of too much play but at the end of the day, this person does just as well as the others.

I guess one scale which measures how much a person has studied is the amount of notes the person has covered or the number of times he has gone through it. It is not a very accurate scale but it works for most people. But, it comes down to the quality of the studying time. I think we have heard it many times before that a person can go through a pile of notes just once and score really well compared to someone who has to go through things a few times just to pass. Finally, I think I am going to throw away this scale because I find that it does not matter to me anymore. As long as I know what I am doing and know what I think I need to know, I'm fine.

Many people like to assume things. I guess it is only in our nature. I dislike it when people assume that I have completed something when I mention that I haven't. I also dislike it when people go all out and deny that they have not touched ANYTHING when you see in the library the whole day. I would say that it is true to the fact that being in the library does not necessarily means that you have read something because believe it or not, students (like me) do end up in the library talking or facebooking. It sometimes turn out to be a good spot to loiter around while waiting for the next class or something.

I am one person who gets frustrated over competitions. As only some may know, I still believe that in exams, it's not about pulling someone down or going on top of someone else in results but rather, working together so that everyone passes. So, if you ask me to teach, I will try my best to do so. I have been lucky to encounter people (who are mostly seniors) to teach me although I do not depend on them a lot. There is just you and your notes. No tuition teachers to make the link in between. What do I think about the upcoming exams? Hmm, I was stressed out to a point where I did have a breakdown. But, now, I am just slowly working my way back into the game.

Believe it or not, I do have a lot more to go. I have touched 1/8 of a system out of the 4 systems in Sem 3. I have touched 2 out of the 3 systems in sem 4. Yes, I do know that some people have even more than me to cover. I do not have a superb memory. I am not an A student, not even a B+. I read through my notes as many times as I can so that I will remember at least 20% of it but it doesn't exactly work. How my mind works is unknown to me and probably to many of us. I believe that my subconscious knows more than me which is why you should never change the first answer you choose when you take a guess in exams. So what?

I guess I am just trying to make a point that I am also an ordinary student who hasn't done something extraordinary and never will in studies. Reality-wise. Yeap, there will always be dreams and aspirations but I will go as far as I CAN go. And if people ask me, I will just tell them what's true to me so that they would know that they are not the only one going through the same thing instead of the 'why must I tell you?' and 'please mind your own business'. It can be quite demotivating sometimes but sharing really helps a person to cope emotionally and mentally, for girls mostly because boys do not exactly have an emotional problem. :)

I tell myself that it is alright to not be outstanding. To be one of those top scorers is like a bonus which comes with the studying? Another reason why is also because I have always felt that people around me have expectations and sometimes it makes me have expectations. One lesson I have learnt by far is that when you can't meet your expectations, it makes you disappointed although you have given it a go. Actually, everything goes both ways. Everything that happens can either bring about a positive or a negative effect. It used to make me strive more and work harder but at some point, I stopped doing so and it turned the other way.

Am I okay with it? I guess I am since I have made peace with it. When the need arises, I suppose things would change from there for the better of the situation. Will I make a good doctor? Once again, it's subjective but I do hope so. I think it is a bit too early to think about that. Passing my exams to get into the clinical years is more important at the moment. 6 weeks and a couple more days!