Saturday, May 31, 2008

Addiction

Yesterday's work was not as productive as I thought it would be. Today is a new day for a new start. I will do better today than yesterday.

I was chatting with Thamo and TJ yesterday. Thamo will be coming to IMU soon, joining the ME2/08 batch and he asked for a few pieces of advice on books, accommodation and also asked me to describe how life in IMU is like. I guess besides all the stress, life is pretty good and stress is good sometimes. Orientation was indeed one of the best times. I miss those moments of how we would work together towards a common goal and helping one another through tough times.

Until now, I still meet new people (which is a fun thing. Knowing people. :) ) ...which reminds me... For those of you who haven't met your buddy yet, be proactive if you want to meet him/her. If you have any questions to ask which is related to academics, he/she can help you. :) I have met my buddy. Although I was scared at first, but yeah, I believe things are working out fine for now. I may be slow at studies but at least, I've got someone to depend on for advice. At the same time, you'll get to know more people like your buddy's friends who can also help you in studies. TJ said that I'm lucky because I have already found my buddy or should I say that I was bugging him to bug my buddy to look for me because I was too scared. *transparency... no secrets here...* But yeah, go find your buddy before it is too late. ;)

Back to what I was writing about... In the other chatroom was an emo topic to talk about. Well, not so emo lah because I was just wondering about the options, all from one topic, 'Addiction'. When you talk about addiction, it is not just drugs or alcohol. Addiction can also be in other forms like chocolate, ice cream, computer games and people. I believe that people can be addicted to people and by that, I mean always hanging out with the group of people or someone. Of course, there are good addictions and bad addictions as well as good addiction turned bad. Bad addictions are like hanging out with people who are of bad influences such as those who encourage you to smoke, use drugs, skip class and distract your attention from studies.

On the other hand, good addictions are hanging out with people who make you work harder in life or at least you feel more relaxed. I guess good addictions are of those which do not exactly bring a significant harm but rather a good change. To kick off an addiction is something that is difficult to do. It requires mental strength, time and patience as how TJ puts it. Of course, there was a discussion about how things can develop in addiction from friends into something else you know as feelings. When would you know if it is true feelings or was it just infatuation? perhaps admiration? It could be deep feelings and it could be those of superficial ones where you think you really like the person but just not as deep as how you said it is.

Then, TJ mentioned about companionship and affection. I have never really been into a relationship, so I wouldn't know much about relationships and affection but what I can say is that everything I write is from my point of view, mixed with TJ's. Right, back to the topic of companionship and affection, I realized that many of my friends tend to get confused between these two. Well, even I WAS. Companionship is more of like being addicted to the person but have got no emotional attachment. Affection has got a bit of companionship as well as feelings.

Crushes are pretty common- one sided and known by only close friends. They don't really last and they change in a year. I guess in one year, a person could have 12 crushes but if you count in the breaks, a person could have probably 6 crushes in a year considering if one crush lasts for one month. (Swt... swt... swt...) Pseudo-feelings --> Pseudo-relationships --> Pseudo-conflict --> Pseudo-stress. Is it worth it? Maybe.... maybe not.

At the end of the day, no matter what happens, both sides should still remain as friends. That's what I think and I think that it is also a mature way to move on rather than to dwell on the past and keep the dissatisfaction in you. Sure, there could be dark and emotional times but when the sun shines, you'll know how to move on and just be friends. Why would you want to lose such a good friend over something, right? As what I told TJ, avoiding is not a solution... accepting is the problem. You can't avoid that person all the time or avoid talking about the topic because both sides will feel uncomfortable or if I put myself in that person's shoes, I would feel uncomfortable. Lost along the tracks of life, don't know where to go. Accepting; though it may be hard, don't hold on to what have happened but cherish the moments left (if you are going away to study or something).

Actually, it can be applied in any situations. Don't avoid studying if you know you don't have enough time left. Accept that you haven't been productive work and so, plan. Plan about what you want to do and how you are going to do. I admit that I may be a planning freak because I plan most of what I do. I don't think I've been through a day withuot planning ever since I was in IMU. TJ told me to try 3 days without planning. That is hard, man! I am already planning about what to do after Summatives or should I say I planned about planning the plans for holidays when I planned about what I should do. >.<

Oklah, enough for today. So, as you can see, the topic addiction can lead to the discussion of many other topics. I have to get back to chilling and then, studying.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Campus friends tutorials

Campus Friends tutorials: For those of you who missed it, let me summarise for you what they told us. XD

Basically, all you have to do for EOS and Summative is know everything, read everything, understand everything and memorise everything. Every lecture notes are important and lecture notes are your bible if you have no time to study. It is great to know everything but knowing everything in detail is not a must for Summative.

It was pretty stressful. It is actually. Some may find it demotivating while some might just find the inspiration to study. To those who went for the session, how did you find it?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Today and tomorrow...

Tomorrow, there will be a tutorial session for Campus Friends from 2 to 4pm and I guess, I will be attending it. Some said that it is important while some said not to bother about it because it will be boring.

The verdict after facing this conflict for more than 24 hours: I am going.

I guess stress is inevitable for now especially when I haven't covered a lot of things. TJ told me that they will let us know what is important and what isn't. Perhaps there are things that I think is not important but turns out to be really important. That's what he said.

Anyway, studying in the library was not as productive as it has been mainly because of the noise but listening to music sure does help. Another thing that bothered me today was where I was sitting and facing. My usual table has been taken by another person which is why I shall go to the library early tomorrow and place my stuff, back to my table. =)

Today was also the last class for Salsa and I won't be joining latin dance classes until Summative 1 is over. Putting that aside, today's PBL session was *hmm, how should I describe it?* ".........". (That's how since it can't be described.) I was feeling lost most of the time and I quote PO "Don't concentrate on the roots but on the jungle itself. For everything you do, you must have a topographic view of it." PBL mates, I'm sure you know what I am talking about right? *winks*

My group also had our COP meeting today and I just found out that the time duration given to raise awareness in schools is only 1 hour. I wonder if it is too long or too short. Is it a good thing or not? So many questions and doubts in my mind... but non related to academics. That is mainly because I do not know what I need to know. I need to chill but yet study hard... or smart..?

Like what YK and TJ said, "Marieb is your bible. Netter Atlas is also your bible."

Tomorrow is mummy's birthday. :D It is also TJ's.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

About

Esther is a loquacious girl who has many things to say, many stories to tell and many experiences to share. She has been doing fairly well in life. There were ups and downs but what keeps her going is the encouragement and support that she gets. She believes that sometimes, people needs to be inspired to be motivated.

Her goal is to excel in both academics and extra-curricular activities. When there is something that she enjoys or loves doing, she will give her all and hopefully come up with something good. She believes that every individual is unique and has their own ways of expressing or doing things.

If you know her for quite some time already, you'd notice the different personalities portrayed at different times. So, what else is there to know about her? Perhaps these pictures could tell you more. They would not tell you everything, but they would tell you the bits and pieces. :)

This is her.
She is nerdy sometimes.
She is childlike sometimes.
She has experienced being an Orientation Officer (OO).
She has great friends.
She is a cheerleader and is loving it!
She tries to fit in.
She is [trying to be more of] a lady.
She is a cam addict.
She is like a kid when she wants to. (is he too?)
She sleeps during lectures too...
She is constantly bullied? [Let's hope not.]
She had to dress up as a Kenyan for dresscode activity during orientation.
She is in her own world sometimes.
She has supportive friends. :)
Her closest Dental girl friend is Lydia. :) Since Orientation till now...
She can be cool. (If you say that she is cool, I wouldn't disagree XD)
Her closest Dental guy friend is Arthur. Also since orientation till now...
She is a dancer and is still attempting breakdancing. She may not be that good in dancing but everything is worth a try and experience.
She can be emo sometimes.
She is into sports. (But perhaps more interest in other types of sports...)
She is patriotic (to an extent, maybe?).
She survived orientation.
She is [DEFINITELY] normal. XD
She is a tree lover, not a tree strangler = weird (but ONLY sometimes) >.<
And like every student, she's on a journey to becoming someone. :)

You can reach her at yunnpei89[at]gmail.com .

Friday, May 23, 2008

*....*

... STRESS ...

Who isn't? I am too. We all are. To my batchmates, together, we shall survive the upcoming Summatives.

27 days. 100+ lecture notes. One paper. 1 hour 15 minutes. 50 questions. 1 best answer.

Objective
Pass and of course, achieve the highest score that you can.

How?
Study lerr... No choice, right? If not, how to pass?

Why?
=.= Because I'm paying RM30k per semester. Nah, actually, who wouldn't want to pass and move on to the next level?

Other things to do:
Plan COP
Do AIR Topic
Pay attention in lectures and try not to fall asleep
Wait, I know... PBL?!?!

You've just got to go on. Life is only that long. There are still many things that you don't know and so, you've got to keep on learning. Still, that doesn't mean you can make your friends feel the pressure by becoming a walking Marieb or Tortura.

I am still trying. We all are...

Okay, enough with the emo-ness now. Today was a good day. Only one lecture on the structure and function of the hypothalamus and the pituitary gland. After that, I attended the Cruisaidsers meeting and had lunch with TJ who introduced me to Hakka mee.

There are so many things to learn and know. Life lessons especially. For those of you who knows me well enough, I think you would have realised that I am in my little world; unexposed to the world. I don't know how to react to what people say and I am slow to give a reaction.

Maybe, I'm just too tired.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

I stoned.

I was driving back and was going to turn. The cars stopped because there was traffic in front and also because of the yellow box. I see no cars approaching mine. I see no risks in turning. Looks like the coast is clear, and hence, I made my turn to the right. Carefully now, I don't want to hit any cars.

Alright, Esther, you're nearly there...! Nearly, nearly... nearly... *BOOM* *screeches*

WTH?!?!

So, a motorcycle hit the back of the car.

I was freaking scared. He's alive though but not his motorcycle for now.

While my mum settled matters with him, I called TJ. That was the first accident that is connected to my driving. I was scared, restless, hungry and was stoning. I didn't know what to do.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

=.=

...Feeling half alive (in an optimistic way)...

I met my buddy today. I was scared to meet him. I was stressed to meet him and to talk to him. There are too many things going on that I'm stressed at every second of every minute of every hour of every day (except when I sleep I think).

Four more weeks, 16 weeks of lecture to study. Mission possible or impossible?

I don't know what I've studied. I don't remember what I've studied. I don't know what I should study. There's too much studying to do but I think there will be other students who feels the way I feel.

But, what can one do? Just keep on studying until you think you've reach your limits, and go further beyond what you can do. That's what I think I should do. That's what I think I would do.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Post #402

Oh finally! I can access this page! For the past one week, I've been trying to post something but I couldn't because the page was either hang or internet wasn't working or perhaps, Blogger was down.

Okay, so not a lot of interesting things last week. As usual, there were horrible lectures and some good lectures. There were crappy moments in life and also good moments (happy moments which makes you laugh, smile or whatever). Being 19 or on the way to be 19, it is a good feeling... Before I turn 20, I guess there are many things that I want to do or accomplish be it a new spontaneous thing or a long-term ambition.

I haven't been revising the past lectures. There is no motivation or inspiration. Another factor is because what I'm learning now is more interesting than the previous lectures. Between anatomy and biochemistry, I would choose anatomy. Between the metabolism of macromolecules and function & structure of the gastrointestinal tract, I'd choose the latter. Get what I mean?

My driving skills have improved a lot. :D I hope my mum gives me the car soon...

So, there's this project coming up which is also known as Community Oriented Project and I am pretty stressed about it. I don't know why. There are so many things to do but we haven't exactly done anything yet. We're in the process of making the first step of many other steps. We're planning to raise awareness about HIV/AIDS in Secondary Schools and I wonder if it is a good idea.

Man, there will be a lot of BS lectures starting from this week for 1 1/2 hours. =.=

Monday's a holiday! I'm so happy...

I was emo. I was annoyed. I was agitated. I was sad.

but now, I am happy...

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Butterfly! (Part 2)

I'll put up more pics from yesterday.



As you can see, my friend made the butterfly pooped...
Elvyna is just so cute. >.<


That was the design no.2 after we ran out of papers for design no.1.

Arthur, stop being so dramatic!! lol.
We changed it again.


I think this is the best picture of all but I did not send this picture in because Lydia is not in it. (She was the photographer) But you know what, I think this is one of the most treasured memories that I will never forget. :)

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Butterfly!

Today's the day where we (a group of students) did something significant which was a butterfly out of A4 papers in the atrium.

Aim: To raise awareness about Lupus for World Lupus Day!

The number of people who turned up was less than 20. But like what my friend said, everything happens for a reason and maybe it's a good thing. So, instead of making the butterfly formation out of humans, we made it out of papers.

To arrange the 300+ papers took more than 1 hour. We didn't know that the Academic Affairs Department declined our request to use the atrium as it has been booked by the Student Representative Council. But now, the SRC has granted us permission to leave the butterfly there for 1 whole day.

So, it may not be the perfect butterfly nor the type of butterfly with pointy wings, but you know what? I think this is the prettiest butterfly because so many people put in effort in making a rough sketch on a book a real one. Elvyna made the eyes! Aren't they cute?
I have to say thanks to the dentistry students for coming and helping me out with this. I know that you guys have Dental Science exam tomorrow, so, THANKS A LOT! Some people couldn't make it but it's okay because I know that they would have come had the date been set to another. We improvised a lot from the original design.

Arthur and I just had to freeze for ol' time sake.... for Slide Out!!! :D

So, thank you for bearing with me and supporting me. You guys make a difference!

[Navin, Lydia, Arthur, Faye, Matthew, Ickes, Elvyna, Kor Woi, Hwei Jene, Kyan, Kay Mun, Jin Lin, Joshua, Vi Shern, Photography guy (sorry, i forgot his name.. hehe...), Zia, Edward and fellow batchmates who I might have forgotten to mention. Short term memory... can't remember too many things.]

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Feeling Blue...

I was feeling blue. I was feeling quite blue. I wish I could call up someone to talk about it, but, heck, who am I to complain? My problem, when compared to others, can not be considered big and here I am, emo-ing... The Earth can't be seen when compared to the universe. That is how small earth is and thinking about how big I am on Earth, I question myself how big is my problem? There are people who are less fortunate and they are fighting to live and not complaining but I am doing the opposite.
As I was driving this morning, I saw something motionless on the road. It was small and yellow in colour. It was a kitten. Yup, a kitten was killed on the road. That made me think about how precious life is. It's just a kitten that is yet to reach the adult stage and there it was, on the road where all the cars passed by.

Lectures? There is nothing to comment about. As usual, it saturates the mind of one. I shall not complain. PBL was okay. Prof. Ong was not as scary as I thought he'd be. In fact, I actually enjoyed PBL and I think I am going to learn much more under Prof. Ong. Yes, I am glad I've got him although it means I have to do more work in research now.

Tomorrow will be the day where I conduct the mini project for World Lupus Day which is to form a Butterfly formation in the atrium with people holding up A4 coloured paper. I hope it works. For it doesn't, then, I'd have to use Plan B which is to only place the coloured paper on the atrium floor. I don't know how it's going to work out but all I can say is that had it not been for Kor Woi and Ickes, I would probably have given up on this project.
Things aren't going easy for me these few days. Too many emoness. As what Hazwan told me, it is probably the post conference blues.

Mission Possible (Day 4)

The fourth day! We were getting ready to go Sungei Wang to raise awareness about HIV/AIDS. I will not write so much about that or else I'll go emo again. Ask my in uni if you want to know. :)

Here are just some pictures from Day 4.










Before we said our goodbyes, we had another reflection session, conducted by Brandon.

I cried. I cried a lot. But what can I say? I just want to give it my all and help people in anyway.

There are so many things that we can do, as youth, but why aren't we trying harder? Together, we can make a difference. Why not start now?

Monday, May 05, 2008

Mission Possible (Day 3)

Day 3. Slept at 3.45am and woke up at 5.45 am. I survived the day. Okay, maybe not all the "lectures"/ presentation but I did know what I needed to know. We went to PT Foundation Drop-In Center and was further exposed to things that I never knew. The other side of the country that I have never imagined- society.


Yee Ming looks so 'innocent'. hehe.
Every group was once again given a topic but this time, we had to work on a marketing plan for the topic of how we can raise awareness and help them. The investors (OCs) will then decide on which group deserves the RM20k. Ali came up with lots of ideas. He did the presentation and there were 3 plans. The time given to come up with the proposal was about 30 minutes.
Then, by night time, we had more activities like reflection and Mission Possible: Youth Action.

During dinner, we were still posing.
And posing...
And taking more pictures! Waiting for time to pass mah...
Edward played a couple of songs for us. :D
Then, by night, we made the candlelight ribbon. Every group has to collect 80 candles through games, answering questions, making OCs laugh and cheering the group cheer.
After lighting it up, it's so pretty.

After that finished, a group of us went to play basketball until 3.30am. Went back to the hall and chatted till 6.30am. K.Oed and woke up at 7.30am.