Monday, December 31, 2007

Boring lecture...

Happy new year!!

Finally, a year has passed. I’m moving on to University. I made friends, I’ve lost friends. I’ve had my fair share of pain and tears as well as joy and happiness.
It is time to move on to new resolutions. I did achieve what I wanted this year. Well, at least, a couple or more of them.

I was listening to a supposed-to-be 6 hours lecture but turned out to only be 4 hours plus. I think what youngsters need is not a longer duration to curb road ethics into them. That is because no one really bothers to listen to a person talking continuously. I believe that there should be interaction between the speaker and the listener. Not only will it be more productive, but I think that what the person learns will stick in the mind for a longer time.

I fell asleep. I tried listening. I was listening until he started explaining the meaning of the road signs. That was when I was nowhere to be found. I think I regret it a little now but then again, I can always read it from the handbook given to us.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Merry Christmas!

The title says it all!

Oh well, it is Christmas eve and I went out with my parents to search for a driving school. I still am unsure about how things will be like since the place for learning will be in Ulu Langat and the person who was talking to me just now seemed to not be confident. So, yes, I’m worried of how classes will be conducted. Other than that, every thing is moving so fast. I don’t know; I should say ‘YES’! but yeah, something is holding me back. I just don’t know what.

I just came back from jamboree yesterday. It was FUN FUN FUN. Did I mention Fun? I went there with an aim. I achieved what I wanted. I am satisfied but I felt that the duration was a little too short. On the first day, there was the rope game. I learnt about unity at that time. Everyone was blindfolded and there were 5 ropes on the ground. We (130+ of us) had to make it into 1 big circle. At first, we made 5 circles. After that, we nearly made a full circle. As there was limited time, we didn’t make the big circle but we were pretty close to it.

On the second day, one of the activities was drills and march. I dislike that activity the most. Every time, I wish that drills and march would be over and as short as possible. This time, I set a goal which is to give 150% in drills and march- to give it my all no matter how hard it is. And, I did! I’m satisfied about it. After two days, my arms and legs still hurt. But, it is soooo okay. I know I sound mad talking about it.

Well, I got to know a couple of new friends. 4 from Kota Kinabalu: Bryan Sario, Keshia Sario, Ee-wan and Mei Chan. After all, I know pretty much a lot of those from KL already but I managed to build a stronger friendship with them. Oh yeah, I don’t have any pictures with me because my phone was kept for three days! And, I survived! One of the things that made me not taking my sleep for granted is when the seniors woke us up at 5am in the morning. It is to train us in case of emergency. So, yeah… After that, they gave us 1/2 hour of sleep.

Now that I’m back, I’m on a movie-thon. I watched about 5 movies yesterday and 3 so far today. I’m a maniac.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

These things with phonecalls..

It’s just my luck with phonecalls.

Everytime I call someone, and ask them if they are busy, they tell me that they’re not. When I call, there are some:

doing business in the toilet

Seriously… to call someone at the wrong time is pretty embarassing. Really… It’s like when you’re suppose to leave him or her to his or her business but just have no idea about how to splat out the words.

Still packing...

I had another weird dream. Due to the storm, we were supposed to move and leave the area by 3 pm. So, my parents and I were packing our stuff. My brother wasn’t there because he was in another place. The setting was very kuno. Walls of houses were made of sticks while the roof was made of leaves.

The next thing I knew was that I was in another dream, sitting for an exam! Yes, it was a 10-hour exam. There are 10 questions. I would assume that it is medically related and I wrote nothing. However, I did see another person’s answer. hehehe… He wrote, ‘Send patient for MRI’. The worst scenario that I could possibly imagine is that I was in a mental hospital. :S

Anyway, I’m still packing for jamboree. I don’t have raincoat or poncho. Where am I going to find raincoat in such short time? Besides that, the one thing that I’m not at all looking forward to is the march and drills. That would probably take up 3 hours under the scourching hot sun. *sarcastically: oh fun and joy!!* Well, I don’t really mind being under the sun and sweating and all… It’s just not a very good feeling when you will only be given 5 minutes bathing time. Would that be enough?

Gosh…Maybe, I’m just not cut out for this.

Flashback and moving forward...

…Loving ‘Tongue Tied’ by October Fall and ‘How To Save A Life’ by The Fray…

I went to college today to collect my results. It was nothing big actually. I met Kong Hern who used to be in my class but moved to G8. Results were distributed at 10am and I was invited to attend a merit award ceremony for getting all As’. Well, my mum would be there.

I still am in disbelief about my results. I kept on staring at it, checking if I’ve read it correctly. As for my grades, it was far better than what I expected. I expected a 16 B for English but it turned out to be a 19A. Honestly, this result is way better than my forecast as well.

I remember asking one of my lecturers why some people in my class who gets lower than me in Internal gets a higher forecast than me. Nearly all told me the same answer which is ‘I see that he/she has potential in getting an A (whichever A it is). For you, I think this is as high as I think you can go.’ Yeah, I was jealous and upset thinking about how these lecturers thought I’ve got no potential. But what do you know? I did much better than what you forecasted for me and that gives me a really good feeling. =)

Let alone the fact that forecast is important to me psychologically, I was pretty much affected by it and could not study. Thanks to a couple of friends who listened and encouraged me, I was back on track. Right now, I feel happy and relieved. Yes, I’m still happy. I know that my friends were shocked to know my results. Some did not expect it from me, perhaps, some did after all.

All I want to say is thank you to those who have supported me along the way including the very good friend who sticked with me through thick and thin from the beginning of the year until the very end, Thamo. Sure, there were a lot of people too like Joey, Zong Lin, Desmond, Oble, Yi Siang who gave moral support and some words of encouragement. But there is one person who became my source of inspiration in making me want to work harder after what happened in the beginning of the year.

It’s funny how I think back now about the life. SAM wasn’t easy for me. It was tough, hard and it made me cry when I couldn’t cope when there’s assignment to pass up on Monday and Mid-Year paper to pass up on the very same day. Or on other times when there are common tests to sit for and the next day, have to hand in practical reports; followed by another common test with LAN papers in the afternoon. I’m glad it’s all over. But, SAM did make me stronger mentally. So, thank you.

After collecting my results, I went to MidValley with my mum and aunt. Did I mention that I barely had an hour of sleep? Oh yes, it is a bad idea to go jalan-jalan when you are lethargic. When I cam back at around 2pm, I slept until 8pm. I managed to know two other seniors, Marcus and Wilkinson who are studying in IMU. Yesterday, I knew another girl, Keili, who will be in the same batch as me. :D Gee, I just hope I don’t freak anyone out since they are yet to figure out how weird I am. Hehe…

On Friday, I will be going for a 3 days jamboree. It is time to test myself and learn everything from basics about gratitude and humility. More importantly, will I be able to live without gadgets since I’m not allowed to bring my cellphone and there is no tv there. Oh well, I guess, I would just have to wait and see.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Results are out!!

I was trying to burn time by watching tv, playing games, blogging, reading blogs and other activities. My heart beat was racing, faster than usual…

Finally, I viewed it online! What else? My results, of course. I checked it around 4.30am. I was DotA-ing before that and after 30minutes, I saw Oble’s message! And he asked me what I got.

Obviously, I logged in again and then, I panicked! Omg, so embarassing… I was freaking out right in front of Oble because when I clicked on Tertiary Entrance, I saw so many numbers. When I clicked Sace results, I saw numbers too. From there, I got confused and started to panic.

With Oble telling me what to do, I finally calmed down. I can’t believe I freaked out seeing my own results. I am happy, and I can’t sleep.

Freaking out...

I’m being paranoid but I can’t help it.

I’m eating chocolates and biscuits to ‘calm’ myself. Sure, it’s not a healthy thing to do but once in a while won’t hurt me, right? Turkish delight and Toblerone… How nice…

To add on to that, I’ve been refreshing the page that should be showing my results ever half an hour. I know, I’m just weird.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Long awaited letter...

I finally got my letter from IMU. The letter which I’ve been waiting for nearly ages. Jacelyn called me yesterday and asked me if I’ve gotten mine because she got hers yesterday. Since then, the only thing on my mind was the confirmation letter. I thought about a lot of things yesterday while surfing my friends’ blog, friendster profile etc.

They seem to have a great life, do fun stuff and have great friends. I guess this year in SAM, I might have been very serious. I’m actually fun to be with but nobody really notice that except for my brother. Perhaps it was the pressure and thoughts that I don’t think I’d do well in SAM, so, I was pretty serious and kiasu and jumpy and panicky… okay, and a lot a lot of things… But really, I’m not that bad of a friend.

I was really playful when I was in Form 4 but all of that changed in Form 5. In Pre-U, I became more serious but it’s time to change. Starting life in Uni is going to be a new beginning, a start where only a handful of people know me. Anyway, back to the letter. I made it! After 10 years, I finally achieved one of my goals. I’m happy now. I can’t wait. It’s like stepping into Form 1 where everyone is older than you and you’re new there.

I’ve been so worried that I’ve been calling Jia Ji more often now. He too, is studying in IMU. He was in SAM for three months before he was called to go there. That makes him my senior for 2 semesters. But, the conditional offer will only be absolute once I get my final results which would be out on 18th Dec. (next Tuesday). I only need to get the minimum of TER 85 but I sure do hope that I get way better than that.

Oh yeah, also stated in the letter was the EXTRA subjects that I will be taking which includes Bahasa Malaysia, Moral and Malaysian Studies. Say wutt??? Moral and Malaysian Studies again??? Man, it was hard to pass both subjects when during SAM and now I have to take it again? Oh boy… As for Bahasa Malaysia, I’m just going to try my luck. I haven’t been speaking that language properly for the past 1 year.

Just the other day, I tried to say ‘I called the wrong number’ on the phone. I blurted ‘Saya nombor panggil salah’ and the person was pretty mad, thinking that I was playing a trick or something. That was embarassing but I’m ready to brush up on my Malay. *gulp*

Thank you... Thank you... Thank you...

Since yesterday, there was no water supply. There was no warning or notice, it just happened. So, obviously we didn’t store any water.

Right now, I appreciate water. It’s silly how we take things for granted sometimes. When there is not water, the laundry couldn’t be done nor was cooking and cleaning. There was no water for bath etc.

I broke the record today of using minimal water. I used less than a pail of water for bath including washing my hair. Can you imagine how much water we use when we shower? That is a lot of water wasted. When it came to brushing my teeth in the morning, lets just say, I secretly poured (drinking) water from the jug into the small cup and used that.

So, on the first day which was yesterday, many decided that pool water would be the best for bathing. Even when there are so many people taking water from the pool, it’s amazing really how the water level does not decrease. Today’s condition is far better than yesterday.
There is water, only not enough pressure for it to reach the twefth floor (where I’m staying) because everyone (ok, not EVERYONE but basically nearly everyone) turned on their water supply. That was earlier this afternoon. So, the water only reached the 4-5 floor.

Now, there is water but the flow isn’t that strong. Heck, I can’t complain. I’m just glad that there is water. It made me think about what if we run out of electricity? LOLZ… No lights, no fan, no power supply for computers/laptops, no DotA, no wireless for me… OMG… I don’t know what I’d do…

Well, all I can say now is (thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you) x INFINITY to everyone who has made my life comfortable. For the chairs, tables, bed, pillow, the house.

Thursday, December 13, 2007


I got accepted in IMU. That's a good thing but somehow, I don't feel happy nor sad.

It is like another stone to step on, meeting new people, making new friends, know seniors and studying my a** off to pass every exam.

For my parents, it would be less socializing for me, less time spent on curriculum activities and spending more time being studious.

Oh well... that's life...

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Aweful or awesome?

Imagine yourself working in someone’s house. You’re in charge of decoration and your boss lives on the highest floor possible. His wife is irrational but your boss is. His house is huge like you wouldn’t imagine how huge it is. One day, you are asked to draw on the wall or make 3D-like figures on the wall… of which one of it is pegasus. Your boss knows that there isn’t enough space for such demand by his wife and yet, she still insisted on it. Oh yes, the place where your boss lives is like a leaning tower where you will fall if you go too near the balcony at high speed.

Across the road, you see your mum and your aunt. Two familiar faces but with totally different characters. You fight with them about their childish behaviour and they were totally ready to abandon you as a daughter or a son just because of the fight. You go back to your boss’ place and continued working on the painting. But then, you decided to roam in his super huge library where you see other kids just like you. You see your old friends but they do not speak to you. You grab a book to read entitled ‘Emily’ but before you could start on the first page, you hear a blast outside.

You go out and you see Sylar! Maya was there too and she was killing everyone around her unless they have the antidote which she created. Sylar was powerful and killed nearly everyone. Suddenly, you realised that you have the power to leap to any distance at any height. You escaped from Maya but not from Sylar. Further down the road, you see Dr. Suresh and Matt. In order to save you, Matt forcefully holds down Sylar but that was not enough. Sylar kills Matt using Maya’s power. After that, he kills Claire Benett. There was no more hope. And you were wondering where Peter Petrelli and Hiro Nakamura would be. Why haven’t they gone to help?

Suddenly, there is a bright light and a loud familiar noise that says, ‘It’s 3 pm. Are you going to wake up or not?’ You feel thankful you escaped that awful dream but it wasn’t 3 pm. It was only 2pm. Could it be that you’re in another dream? Possibly…

Everything is just so weird for me… But, it’s good to wake up knowing that my mum hasn’t abandon me and that I don’t need to paint for other people. But, it sure is nice to posess super powers no matter what it may be.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Tag, you're it!

Okay, I’ve been tagged by Karl.

The rules:

Link to your tagger and post these rules.

List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
Tag eight people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them)
Let them know they’ve been tagged

Fact no. 1
I like everything Korean. Korean dramas, korean songs, korean artists, korean language, korean culture, korean everything… I think you get my point.

Fact no. 2
I love stuffed animals. Especially cows, reindeers, teddy bears or anything else except for cats. Until today, I still sleep with stuffed toys. It keeps me happy and calm. Nothing wrong about that right?

Fact no. 3
I love dreaming. If you can’t wake me up, I’m probably having a nice dream. Yesterday’s dream was scary; there was another tsunami. Pretty scary actually. Imagine having waves coming right at you! Other than that, dreams are pretty nice and sweet. Moving on…

Fact no. 4
I am the emotional type of person. I cry easily; while watching Korean dramas, before going for exams, after sitting for an exam, losing my stuffed animal, over some guys etc. But no matter what, I am rational. You can mock me however you like but calling me stupid would be pulling the last straw.

Fact no. 5
I like durians! No, I LOVE them! I can eat them for days, weeks but not probably months. No matter, I still adore them! The texture and the taste…. In my family, I’m probably the one who eats the most durians in a year. hehehe…

Fact no. 6
Like Karl, I love shopping too! Only, most of it is done when there is sales and when I have money. I wouldn’t like to burden my parents with the stuff that I buy especially when it may be expensive. So, I shop for clothes that matches my style and is reasonable.

Fact no. 7
I can’t cook. At least, not now. Maybe in a couple of years time. I can barely remember the steps for steaming rice. hehe.. ^.^ I did fry an egg this year but the egg ended up sticking on the frying pan and I did get scoldings for that- a sarcastic one indeed. That is what brings me to fact no. 8.

Fact no. 8
I am the total opposite of my brother. He is naturally smart. I’m not. He can cook but I can’t. He is funny and always relaxed while I’m always serious and tensed. He dislike the dramas I watch while I dislike the movies he watch. He doesn’t blog but I do. He is more responsible than me while I treasure stuffed animals more than him.

I'm tagging no one.

Everything is pretty...

I was in Penang since last Friday and I stayed in Bayview Beach Resort which is in Bt. Ferringhi. I was there with my family. While I was there, I went shopping with my mum! Well, she did more shopping than I did. I bought a red dress which is really REALLY pretty *drools*. It’s from Korea but I didn’t buy it just because it’s from there. I bought it before I was told that they imported it from there.

Anyway, the salesperson was very nice. She’s from Mongolia and she is really pretty; also my age and studying in KDU Penang. Apparently, her sister was also with her, working part-time with her. Did I mention that she speaks really good English like American English? I would have assumed that she was somewhere else but not Mongolia.

Even when I’m in Gurney Plaza, I would never miss the chance to go to Esprit there. My dad picked out a top for me. It has blue and grey stripes and I think it is pretty nice. Seriously! haha… Well, that’s all I got from my stay there. On the third day, I walked on the beach with my brother and it was pretty hot that day. Although the beach was pretty but the sun was burning hot for my skin.

Later that day, we went back to the mainland where my hometown is. At night, I was looking through photo albums of my brother when he was little. He was pretty cute. He looked like a Japanese boy because of his haircut and his fair skin tone. That was until he became a teddy bear. Still, he remains cute. I saw a picture of me when I was a baby and him in his scouts uniform. I also saw a picture of me without hair! I was BOTAK and had a big head. -_____-lll
I guess that’s pretty much all I’ve got to say. I’m so self-absorbed with my new cellphone SAMSUNG U700. Heck, I need a change after using SAMSUNG E630 for the past 3 years. I am happy.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Dead man

I saw a dead man today.

My mum was driving past Brickfields and there was a crowd. There were many policemen and also many students. I wondered why there was such a commotion. As my mum drove past the police, I saw an old man (he did not look young), lying on the ground with blood on his head or so it seems.

In my mind, I kept asking, who would do such a thing? Would someone have killed him? It couldn’t be that he did this to his ownself. Life is so fragile, and yet, it was just taken away.

May he rest in peace.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Things we do in cars...

As dirty as it may sound, you're not even close to guessing what I'm talking about...

What do we do in cars?
  • We read magazines while we wait for someone
  • We listen to the radio and perhaps call when there is a cue to call
  • We perhaps sms our friends
  • We perhaps look out and enjoy the beautiful view
  • or we just sleep

But, today, something unexpected happen. Well, I didn't expect that. A man, while driving, was changing his clothes. I didn't mean to look at it but heck, the scenery of the city at night was something I've never appreciated before. And right before me was a man who took off his shirt and put on another white shirt! It is even more outrageous for me to think about it when he was driving! (He didn't wear his safety belt.)

Note to you guys, don't ever do this. It's dangerous...

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


This is an amazing view from where I stay. I took this picture during the Mooncake Festival. It's a beauty to me. I'll improvise the next time I upload a picture. You know, pictures are worth a thousand words. That's why I snap a lot of pictures. Although it may be worthless, but it's something that I'd like to keep near to me.
Over the year, I've changed a lot. I've become more emotional and more sensitive. I even had a big fight with my lab partner. It's sad, really and I did regret it. Not only that, I have liked a couple of guys who didn't turn out to be good. Those are lessons that I've learnt and would never like to think back again.
However, everytime I stare blankly into the sky, I'd think of someone or maybe anyone. I just wish how people could understand me. I've become a troubled kid with self-esteem issues if I may say so. It's weird how every thing is happening so fast. There wasn't a time when I could just take a break.
What can I say about SAM? It was the largest obstacle I had to face. I've cried while doing my assignments. I've given up right before a battle. SAM is hardcore, you know? I had to work throughout the year. The homework, exams and assignments come one after another. But, I never regretted. I had great friends but I didn't last in the comfort zone for long. I got caught up because of the extreme competition that I became jealous and hated some people. It's really hard to revert to your old self when ahead of you are trials and competition with your classmate to enter a prestigious university.
After this ended, I was relief but I have lost my sense of belonging. I am alone. I am left out. I am pessimistic. Next year will be a better year. After all, I've already reached the final stage of the battle to obtain a place in the university. What else should I fear? I should just keep moving forward. However, there is also pleasure when you've achieved something beyond your expectations. There is a feeling of joy when you've done something that not many could do. There are random feelings: some good and some bad...

Back after 1 year...

I know this sounds weird and that this is so sudden after so long. I've finally to hv this blog back with a couple of alterations. It's been a year now since I last touched it. I was rather busy with my other blog.
After going through what I wrote two years ago, I realised that I have lost the fun, spontaneous quirky me. What the heck... If you don't succeed, try try again. I wanted another blog but then, I realised that having another blog won't change me. I'm just running away from what I am facing. So, I'm starting over again but at the same time, I'll blog on the other site too.
Also, I realised that I couldn't delete this blog because there are precious memories that I would like to treasure and keep in mind. Wouldn't you like to one day turn back to see what you've done or how you've done something? I am suddenly realising how naive I used to be back then.
Perhaps I should now give an update about myself. I was studying in Taylor's taking the SAM program. Now, I'm waiting to go to IMU that is if I pass my interview. I'm nervous and constanly find myself talking to... myself... *sigh*

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Whee, no more Physics!

Status Report: Still alive.

Today was the Physics paper. I woke up at 5am and it would be the last time I’m ever doing it for Physics. Well, the paper wasn’t that hard but there were some questions which I couldn’t answer. What made me puzzled was the essay. My essay is short although I’ve fulfilled the requirements of the question. I’m just afraid that I might have missed out a couple or more points. Many thought the paper was okay, some thought that the paper was easy. I don’t know. I find it moderately difficult. Heck, all the cramming on PET and I could not answer the question. I would never have thought that they would want to ask a mathematical question. I was expecting a theoretical one though.

By the time I finished the first booklet, I felt as if three-quarters of my brain have been sucked off and I remain with a quarter which was freezing. Yes, it was so cold that my brain could not work and that I could not think. So, two down and 3 more to go. (I am very very sleepy) So, I met a couple more familiar faces. When most of us thought that we won’t be meeting each other during our exams, well, we still do. And I did meet my friends from other classes.

Enough about Physics for now, it’s time to move on. I went to Carefour (or so it’s spelt) after the exam with my mum. We thought that having lunch there would be a good idea. Now I know why not many people hit the food court. Not only was the service provided inefficient but rude too. No wonder restaurants attract more customers. Although it’s just a food court, heck, even the food court in MidValley is doing way better. The price of the food is not the issue. Rather, it is the more of the quality of food and the service. I so would not want to go back there again.

I can’t wait for Christmas to come. I know it is a little early to say so but I just can’t help but love the Christmas celebration. The snowflakes, snowman, reindeers, Santa, Disney Channel movies etc. Last year, I did not get to do anything because I was busy moving from Ipoh to KL and preparing for college. The good thing is, after this exam, I will be having holidays until February. Hopefully, I’d get into the Uni that I want and everything starts all over again. But for now, I just want to finish my exams and finals. I can’t stop bragging and rambling over small issues. I am just so agitated, pressures, annoyed with the exams but yet, relieved once it’s over…

Monday, November 05, 2007

More stuff to tell you!

My finals have officially started and won’t be ending until next next Wednesday. Joy! :S
So, I had English today and I did not have enough time to finish my essay. The points were EVERYWHERE and it was so darn CONFUSING! Not to mention, the second part of listening was rather tedious when it comes to categorizing the points. Sometimes, I just do not understand what they are trying to say when the person speak so fast. Besides, the extended response was rather confusing. The graphs were attached to an article. In that case, how should I cite it? Should I have cited it differently or not? Oh well, it’s better losing marks for the citation than for the whole essay.

This year, the question was: Should online learning be encouraged? And for some reasons, I said yes. Somehow, I felt as if I have deviated because what I wrote was found to be unacceptable at first. However, after further elaboration, those who I talked to said that it should be okay depending on how I express my points. On the other note, I am feeling ecstatic that English is over. 1 paper down, 4 more to go!

I fired at my English paper. However, the missile I sent bounced back and headed straight for me! Darn momentum… I managed to avoid it but there were bruices. I never knew English could hurt. Seriously, I am glad to get some stuff over with such as the topic sentence, thesis statements, citations and concluding sentences. I will never forget two words though that my lecturer constantly stresses on: TEXT-SENSITIVE. Yeah, I did not remember it until the trials but, heck, I remembered it during finals and that’s what matters.

Okay, for something unrelated to English, stuffed animals are becoming vicious! ‘Run for your lives!‘ (Jacelyn, 2007) That was the weirdest dream I had. How could cuddly soft toys suddenly turn so violent? It was as if they had a mind of their own. Who else was in my dream? The whole of G3 and a couple of friends who I haven’t been meeting in ages and a lot of unknown people. Somehow, these animals were as if looking for food and unfortunately, in my dream, we humans were the food…. ze magnific fooode. Oh wow, I didn’t know we were in high demands. I was running away with Jacelyn, searching for a place to hide.

The setting is weird. It was a stadium and the lion (stuffed animal) from Lion King was breaking through the brick walls. On the outer walls was the college- the stairs, classrooms and everything. Then, the lion was coming for me and Jacelyn when we ran just in time to save ourselves. I was more afraid of the shadow eagle (though it was not a soft toy but hey, it guided the gigantic stuffed animals to float right to us! So, it’s practically evil…)

But, I would never forget the one soft toy I loved most, ze coww… It was my soft toy that I am running away from. And she was my Christmas gift from my brother. Why on earth am I avoiding her??!! hahaha… The tension is so getting into my head. Lucky for me, my mum came to the rescue and woke me up from the vicious dream. When I was stuck due to the bridge built by unknown people using sticky tapes to save other humans, I got stuck to the sticky tape. I was like free food trapped in a spider’s web. Only, I’m not food and that was a nerve-wracking dream. I so do not want to go back there.

I must say though, the dreams I have are exciting and are mostly adventures for me. I still wonder how the brain works when people dream. Why some dreams are black and white while most are usually coloured. It’s pretty interesting, really, as long as you don’t get too caught up with it.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

i STEAMED rice

I finally steamed rice and for the first time, I made something that is safe for consumption.

For the first time in my entire life, I ate vegetarian food for dinner. That was something I’d never thought of doing. I am trying not to consume meat and lead a healthier lifestyle. I came across a video clip showing what happens when coke is poured over fresh pork meat. Maggots appear and it so totally gross me out. It reminded me of the time when I ate durian. ARRGH, it still gives me the creeps. I guess watching the documentary ‘Supersize Me’ did have an effect on me. I have reduced my intake of McDonalds by a lot if I may say so.

I feel sort of bloated these few days and yes, still fat. *It’s beginning to show :S * The last thing on earth that I have to worry about is of whether I can still fit into my clothes. Seriously, the effects from trials have not wore off yet. I do regret eating those chocolates and candy bars during the exam period. Heck, I just hope I can lose some weight before I gain more again.
Still, I am happy with who I am and what I have.

Monday, October 08, 2007

18! Finally...

Three days ago was my birthday and it was my first time celebrating it with my friends. Well, every year, I would celebrate it with my family only but this year was a little different. I had to move my plans to a day earlier because penguiN and the GANG were going to travel to Melaka. So, on Thursday, a group of us watched Resident Evil 3: Extinction of which I must say that it IS SCARY!

Every time the zombies attack unexpectedly, I would freak out and jump or scream or pull someone’s t-shirt. Did I mention that it was too violent for me? The way Alice kills the zombies and other creatures is really cool but I just find it not humane for my liking. Hence, I would never step foot into another cinema that shows a horror movie. Also, on Thursday and Friday, I was snapping a lot of pictures of my classmates, camwhoring with a couple of friends and stuff.
Since my brother came back on Friday, he brought me to Sho-gun for Japanese Buffet which was really good but unfortunately, I did not feel so well that day. So, I did not exactly get to eat to my heart’s content. Jacelyn and the others bought me a book while Ee Ying and Jia Hong got me a really cute and lively soft toy- a puppy. I named it Sarang (which means ‘love’). It is probably one of the only soft toys which my brother would not torture.

Oh yeah, I got tonnes of messages from friends; even in friendster from those who I don’t know. I am finally 18!

Well, I guess I have to work as a full-time nerd now that I can’t enjoy for the next one month. Finals is in 4 weeks and my results hasn’t been good especially for Internal Assessment. I guess it is okay for Maths but my lecturer still has 5% in her hands. This is the part which I don’t like. In order to achieve the 5%, I have to finish all her work, be extraordinarily brilliant to answer every single maths question and finish all her work. Yes, finishing all her work is very important, that is why I mentioned it twice. So, I’m feeling the stress now. I AM DESPERATE!

My brother and his girlfriend also bought something for my birthday. It was something that I would never have imagined. I feel as if they were confident in me and that one day, I would be using it. I think it is cool but at the same time, I feel the pressure too. I am not a smart kiddo. I’m just an average girl working her arse off trying to be accepted in Med. School and yet, still far from my goal. I asked my brother what he was going to do if I would never be able to use what he has given me. He told me that he would use it instead. Well, at least I know that it wouldn’t be wasted.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Cooking (and update)

I’m thinking learning how to cook. I’m still wondering if it’s a good idea. I might burn something up but then again, under supervision, I should do just fine. Today, I’m going to learn how to cook rice. I’d rather not run when I can barely walk.

How was trials? It was okay. I did badly in some, fairly in some and the others are just random. I survived the exam week when I was terribly stressed and now, I’m surviving even more stress from receiving my papers. This is so not a good feeling.

Also, I took up DotA. I learnt about it from a group of friends who are really good in the game namely Zong Lin, Desmond and Chiew Ruey. I was also given tips by Weng Fatt, Jegan and Thamo. Now that’s what friends are. They help you through thick and thin, even if it’s just a game.

The day after my exams finished, I went shopping for a prom dress. Damn, dresses are expensive especially gowns etc. Unless you really know where to buy them at a low price, set a budget to RM1000. Since my brother gave a surprise visit last week, I had him following me in Damansara. He is such an angel. He chose one dress for me from Armani Exchange which was RM499.00 . It was really nice but I don’t think it was worth it but heck, that was a very nice dress (knee-length).

He’s coming back again this week on the 4th October and on that very day itself, I’m going to watch Resident Evil 3. I’m scared, seriously. But hey, I’m not going to back down when my friends are so eager to go. I shall face my fears, conquer them and turn them into strength. Well, saying it is definitely easier than making it happen.

So, that’s about it. I still think I should take up cooking. A few dishes wouldn’t burn the kitchen right? *touchwood touchwood*

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Life after Dengue

I’ve been reluctant to blog, I know. I’ve also been lazy to check my mail. It is probably flooded with junk mail now since it has been nearly 2 weeks since I last opened it.

Common question: How’s life?

It does not exactly suck and I am not miserable but I am not that ecstatic either. As usual, college can be torturing with the exams and mind you, I have not completed revising the syllabus yet. I am pretty slow. If only I could speed things up a little, then that would be great. So we have this mock trial this morning and I woke up at 5 am. Reaching college by 6.30 am and finishing the test by 10.10 am, I went home to sleep until 2.30pm. I still have the headaches due to the lack of sleep which is why I am so going to sleep in for tomorrow *cheering* and also a reason why I didn’t study today. It’s a Sunday!!! *sighs*

It’s so hard to stay in the comfort zone, you know. Once you’re in it, you will somehow be troubled and get out of it and once again, you have to work your way to it AGAIN. My comfort zone will come to me after trials finish. And I suppose I won’t be updating until then. What can I say? It is a normal cycle- blog as much as you can when you have time to kill and don’t blog until exams are over. On the bright side, I am delighted to know that I achieved a band score for my IELTS test which is higher than the minimum requirement for the application to IMU. Dengue did not stop me! LOL.

Other than that, I am coping just nicely in studies. Chemistry isn’t going that great for me. Biology requires a lot of memorizing and English is so killing me. It’s not about the language but rather, the format. At least, that is what I think. The way to answer a question or write an essay or deliver a message. Like the IELTS test, ESL requires listening and writing skills: both working simultaneously which is challenging for me. Physics is okay IF and only IF I studied but knowing that when I mention ‘IF’, it means I am yet to touch my notes.

Leaving studies aside, life is sweet knowing that there are friends around to lend a hand or hang around with. Pretty much, I’ve been hanging around Zong Lin, Desmond, Thamo, Jegan, Ee Ying and with those who I didn’t mention. Desmond, Thamo and Ee Ying were in the same group as me for Maths Directed Investigation. Lucky I had them, otherwise, I’d probably panic more than I usually do. Esther has become something like the panic freak now. She has become more paranoid and more easily agitated. Yet, sometimes, she can’t help but be sarcastic and have no choice but to be extremely patient with some.

Oh yeah, I’ve gone fat too which is so not a good thing. Thamo is making things worse by giving me a bar of chocolate and still calling me fat. :S Well, it is obvious when girls are bloated but not so obvious when the guys are. I still tell myself though, ‘I’m not fat!’ Argh… hehehehe… Also, I’ve been admiring someone secretly. I so totally digg his hair, I don’t know why and it is so so so wrong. Why is that so? His hair, to me, is nice. It has the natural look which is hard to find in others. Why is it wrong? It just is. Just thinking about him makes me smile. Now, something is wrong with me. hehe.

How’s life you ask again? I’ve been forcing myself to read. I feel that reading has become a hard thing to do now. It feels hard to read the newspapers, the magazine, blogs, books and notes! It is also difficult to listen to the news and know what is going on lately. And because I feel intimidated since I lack the savoir-faire, I forced myself. I am indulged with this book entitled ‘Passion for Success’. It is a book that talks about general things, of how people work their ways out to succeed. Also, I am totally into this book which Sindhu bought for me when I was sick- ‘Perfect Match’. Reading these two books made me realise how much I miss reading. Ever since then, I started reading the newspapers, Reader’s Digest, National Geographic etc. Whenever I see articles, I’ll start to read. It is a good thing and I love it.

Sometimes, you just need a boost in doing something you didn’t feel like doing before liking it. It is like starting the torque of the engine of a car before it can run smoothly. Get what I mean? I think that boost is called motivation. So, back to the question, how’s life? I guess you’ve got my answer. It can’t be specifically described as it has both good and bad qualities but overall, I am surviving and I need a lot of sleep. I think I’ve written quite a lot now. Until next time, tell me how’s life going for you with your profession…

Monday, September 10, 2007

Turtle wax, care to try some?

UPDATE: The fever was no ordinary. It was dengue. On the bright side, I’m still alive. How dramatic can I get? Trust me, you don’t want to know…

I missed college for one whole week and when I got back today, it’s like WHAM WHOOSH PIak~ on my face when this whole pile of Maths homework was given to me. One more day to the next Maths test and here I am, sitting, blogging, thinking and doing unecessary things. I feel slow. My mind, movements everything… like a turtle.

Speaking of turtles, my brother bought turtle wax in MidValley the other day. This shows how much he loves his car; the car I want to scratch so badly. He spent nearly an hour trying to choose turtle wax products. From car polish to car wax etc, he explained to me what they were for and why he needs it. Sometimes, I feel that he loves his car more than his sister which sounds so wrong. It should be the other way round. Since fever got to me that day, I was rather loquacious and started teasing him about his car and turtle wax.

Have you thought about what sort of turtles are used in making turtle wax? How about the amount of products that can be produced by one turtle? Which part of the turtle do they use to make turtle wax anyway? Not to worry, it is 100 % not made out of turtles and is in fact, preferred by many for a car product. Yet, it’s cute name, I just can’t stop teasing my brother about it. Imagine this:

Brother: I think my car looks pretty good, don’t you think?
Me: But koko… I don’t see the effects of using turtle wax! It’s not even turning the car into a turtle…

After 5 seconds, *ta-da, it looks like a turtle*

Me: Now, you’re talking!! Your car looks great. I doubt others would digg it man…
Brother: swt~! Oh man, turtle wax! What did you do to my baby?
Me: Puh-lease, don’t be so dramatic. It’s just a turtle and it’s just a car. Try using car wax next time.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Don't do what I did

I’m down with viral fever. I had headache on Thursday and when I got home, I had high fever. My brother forced 2 panadols in me. I hate pills. Did I mention that? Anyway, I thought I was feeling all better but what do you know? My fever came back to me the whole of Friday. The next day, which is today, is the day where I have to sit for my IELTS exam and the feeling is horrible. I thought postponing the examination to another date would be a good thing because one’s results can be affected when he or she is not feeling well.

My lecturer told me to get a letter from the doctor and so then, I went to the clinic. Just my luck, I met the doctor who I do not like at all. At least this time, he did not treat me like a kid. My temperature was 39 degrees celcius. When I went home, my brother forced down another 2 panadols and 2 antibiotics. I hate those pills. I’m so sick of swallowing these pills. Not only are the panadols big, it is bitter. Unlike the antibiotics which are probably a quarter of the size of a panadol, it isn’t so bitter when I swallowed it.

I went to IDP today asking if I could differ to another date. And the person told me that I would have to pay her RM125 there and then and she would transfer me to next Saturday. That is just absurd. Paying extra money to get a postpone? I feel as if these people are sucking my blood dry. The listening section was okay; the people speaking spoke rather fast that I find my concentration drifting away. Overall, it was okay. However, the reading component was rather difficult. I do not favour reading now. Well, the first two questions were okay but the third question was the toughest one of all. I had to make wild guesses for nearly every question. It was more of the implication than a straight forward answer and believe me, you have to have a conscious mind at all times.

Last but not least, the writing component. Two graphs were given of which both are two line graphs. It was my first time doing such a question and I am rather worried about how my results would turn out to be. Alternatively, Task 2 was something I could be confident of scoring, I guess. Just like how my English lecturer had trained me to write, I don’t think that there should be a problem. I’m still nervous, nevertheless. Well, I hope I get the minimum requirements to get into IMU at least. I would not like to resit for this exam. It is nearly a nightmare…

So, don’t sit for an exam if you’re sick provided you can change the date free of charge. Perhaps in a few years, they might change their policy; or maybe not.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Her name was...

I have weird dreams when I sleep for too long. Two nights ago, I dreamt that I was in the operating theatre and I was with quite a few surgeons. One of them was my brother. However, there wasn’t any operations on that day. It was like a field trip where you’re brought to places and activities are conducted. In my dream, I was painting and colouring using crayons. One of this female surgeon drew the systems in the human body. For no reason, I was colouring the intestines light blue. Weird, isn’t it?

But that is not the ultimate weird feeling I had. I misunderstood this girl as someone who have depression and so, I smsed her (well, somehow I have her number) to see my brother who supposingly should help by giving advice and stuff like that. The sms I sent though did not reach the girl (wrong number) but instead, it went to the female surgeon I met and she told me that she knows my brother. Later that night, she parked her car under the tree and I don’t know why I got in. She told me that she is a divorced woman whose husband lives in the house opposite (from her view) and that she is depressed. After talking, she said that her name is Phang Kit Ching and I got out of the car. That’s when I woke up.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

I like being narcisisstic

It’s the holidays again!!! And it’s for my to enjoy and throw my books away for the meantime. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on random things; so many that I can’t quite remember what I was thinking about. Well, one of it was definitely about this blog. When am I going to get back to blogging anyway? Here I am… and I’m not going to stop blogging until something extraordinary to me happens.

Honestly, it’s only a Sunday and I’m beginning to get bored of watching Korean dramas, not that there’s something bad about it but I don’t have the time to watch MY dramas when the television is always occupied by my parents with THEIR dramas… -_____-ll And I don’t have Grey’s Anatomy or House to watch since they are with my brother… I was sick for the past few days when my lymph nodes were swollen and my throat was infected. After paying the doctor a visit which I think was not worth my RM 28, he told me “Don’t worry” for about 5 times a minute?!

I remember him telling me clearly, “Don’t worry. You won’t die. Don’t worry. It’s not cancerous or anything. Don’t worry, I’ll give you the medicine you need. Don’t worry, cancers do not develop in one night. Don’t worry, there are cases that are much worse than yours but don’t worry, yours is not a serious problem. Your lymph nodes are swollen, that’s all. Don’t worry, although you have infections in your throat, don’t worry, you’ll get better after taking the medicines. Don’t worry, all you need to do is finish the medicines. You’re not worried, are you?”
Sheesshh…… Am I a 5 year old kid or something? -____-lll Seriously, I was so darn paranoid at that time. Let alone the fact that he was shaking his leg the whole time he was talking and saying ‘Don’t worry’ x Infinity. But still, it’s funny when I think of it. He sounds more worried than I am. hahaha… I’m so mean.

I have no camera; I have no kimchi; I have no Pooh.

Talk about all the drama a seventeen year old girl could face when she is going to turn eighteen. It’s like oh so dramatic. Now is so not the time to talk about relationships not that relationships are not something fun to talk about, but there really isn’t one that I can talk about. Now is also so not the time for my to talk about whether I’m going for the corobary or what I’m going to wear because I’m not even sure if I want to go. So, what is it that is ‘Now’s-the-time’? Frankly, I have no idea.

Skip topics concerning academics. I’m done talking about that already; enough about not-good-enough-grades. I’m through having to do worse than some people who always do better than me no matter how hard I try. I’m done talking about what the future holds or which university I’m going to because there could only be one university that I have to aim for or else I’m so barbequed.

Preaching session:
There comes a time when you have to let go of things that you don’t want to let go. There comes a time when you have to accept things because it was destined to be that way. There comes a time whne you just have to believe in yourself and find it in you that you can make a difference. O.o *Did I just preach to myself?*

I’d rather be misunderstood personality-wise. Because only when the person does not misunderstand what I say will I then know that that person is my true friend. How many true friends have I got? I can say two and two is all I’ve got. The way I put it sounds weird. You may understand, you may not. So, screw the part about trying to understand. lol. Sometimes, I just love being narcissistic; being so self-absorbed with my ownself. hahaha. That’s not wrong. I say it’s not a bad thing if it’s a once-in-a-while thing.

Oh well, until next time…

Thursday, August 09, 2007

My opinions do matter TO ME

If there is ever a time to do something about it, it would be now. I’m feeling rather depressed. I don’t know why but when I look out the window or stare at something for some time, it will occur to me that this is how I look at things. Do others see it the same way as me? Not to mention that I do wear spectacles. So, I’m sort of looking at the world through plastic. -__-ll I’ve wondered so many times, how would it be not looking through the lense. Everything will be blurry. But had I perfect vision, it would perhaps be different.

I got to know about the twin paradox today after listening to my friend’s presentation. I find it really interesting because what he talked about today was what I was curious about for the past 10 years or so. You may think I’m mad or something, but I know myself. I started to wonder when I’m in the car, I may not be moving, but I’m actually moving. I’ve been trying to find an explanation for it but I was unable to until today. Well, sort of. Twin paradox explains partially of what I’m curious about because it is not about time travelling that I’m curious about, it is about the movements that I find it hard to explain. Nevermind…

RESPECT- have you got it? What is respect? Why should you respect? Are you aware that sometimes, you don’t respect?

Sometimes, I hate too many things and I hate it when I hate stuff. I will be isolating myself to my space. It’s just between me and my mind… and it’s all happening in my head. As crazy as how it may sound to you, that’s the way things are TO me. My best friend is my true friend and I can always count on her for advice. She may be far but I knew her in secondary school and we’ve been friends for the past 4 1/2 years of which she was my official best friend for 2 1/2 years. Now, she’s studying in The One Academy and although we don’t see each other, it’s nice to know that there is someone out there who will support you and just listen. My other best friend (who I knew since Std 2) is also always out there for me when I need help in academics and she is someone I meet up with when I’m free.

Back to where I was, I feel as if there is no more respect for friends especially. Like what I say or do, people I talk to go against me and always try to proove that they are right. What ever happened to respecting my opinions and listening to what I’ve got to say for a change? Why is it that I have to be the one to give in all the time? Whatever happened to respecting what I want to do and just accept it? It’s just so frustrating to keep it all inside and not being able to tell out how I feel just so that I don’t offend another person or make him/her uncomfortable. I am frustrated over stuff that happened for the past few weeks.

I was regarded as this over-sensitive person who gets stressed over tiny bity little things. I was called a b*tch by a random person who I don’t know. I was pretty much disliked by people because I said ‘Shut up’ and when I said it, I was not at all using an angry tone. I am angry and I can scream, shout, hit you back right on your face and stuff like that. I can debate with you for all I care to proove to you that I’m right and you just don’t realise that. But I believe in peace and harmony. I believe that I can, as long as I tolerate and give in, maintain and keep my friendship. I’d rather not try to make enemies. And sometimes, it’s just so hard after taking so much crap from people. Trying not to hurt other people’s feelings makes me end up feeling hurt. Either way, it is a lose-lose situation.

There’s just so much of anger and hatred inside me that I can’t find ways to throw them away. It’s not like trash where you can instantaneously take it to the bin. To me, feelings are abstract and non-descriptive but rather, it can be felt. It is okay if you don’t care about somethings, but I care even though it may be the tinniest problem or not because being sensitive over stuff is not a bad thing. If you’re not sensitive, you would just end up hurting the other people’s feelings. In my opinion, how sensitive one should be depends on who they are with due to different characters in different individuals.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Upcoming Events

I’m feeling depressed when I shouldn’t be because of some people who is not worth it. But, I can’t help it because that person turned out to be someone I trust and believed in. Even if it is not him, it is his brother or his cousins. I’m confused and I’m upset.

Last Friday was Charity Night for the autistic children. I enjoyed myself with the performances. It was really good and the modelling contest was awesome. Well, the whole thing was okay for me. I guess I didn’t regret going with my other friends.

My class is managing the House of Horrors for the Charity Drive on Monday and Tuesday. I had to go to college on Saturday to help out and I got to know that they’re not exactly finished today. All I can say for now is that it is scary. The props and costumes which they bought suits the theme.

Tomorrow is ECA day and also the first day of the House of Horrors. Also, tomorrow is the first day of the Mini Project. I’m nervous. :S

I might not be updating for the time being. Although I have many things to write about, I don’t feel like writing because I feel condemned. Until I get over my issues, this could PROBABLY be my last post. At least, it is better than abandoning the blog.

Sometimes, unexpected things happen and sometimes, I find it really hard to believe. I just can’t trust someone who ignores me. So what if you think I’m oversensitive or overreacting? I don’t think I am and because I know better about myself and about some things, I’m no moron and you have no right to call me one.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


You know what I feel like doing right now? It’s going back to sleep but damn, I can’t believe that for the past one week until today, I’ve been waking up late! Argh…

Let alone the thought of Moral test and to face my Maths teacher, I so do not want to go to college today. *Talking to myself: What am I thinking?*

The only word I feel like saying right now: stupiditydotcom. Sure, it is a made up word. So what?
General statement: People make mistakes and it’s all part of the learning process.

If you want to teach, don’t vent your anger of frustrations. Like how Jared always correct my grammar and vocabulary, he teaches patiently. Don’t call others names just because they got it wrong and you got it right. You may be that smart but don’t forget to think about ‘What if someone else said what you said to the others?’ What goes around comes around.

Don’t ask me how I know, I just do and it’s none of you concern of whether really I know, or not.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Brain drained

I was in the library today, spending time teaching a friend of mine Mathematics since on Monday, there is a test to sit for.

To speak and explain for about 2 hours was not easy. The responsibility of teaching and knowing that you have to be 101% sure of what you are telling the other person is a HUGE responsibility. If ever the other person learn something that is wrong because of you, then you will probably feel really guilty. I feel like my head was going to explode, not because of the person who I was teaching but was because I was trying to not get confused with the different standard deviations and trying to make the other person understand.

It’s all a complicated process. I think peer teaching for the past few months has helped me a lot in my studies as well but sometimes, I just feel like I’ve got no hope. When I learn something, I make sure that I know everything before I enter the exam hall and I mean EVERYTHING. However, I don’t know what I don’t know. Also today, there was a Biology experiment design today. I feel so brain drained.

On something random, I’ve been trying to reply to the past comments but they don’t seem to appear. I’ve checked my Askimet spam but there’s nothing there. Does anyone have any idea of what I should do? Anyway, I’m trying to learn more about computer programming for my Physics project. If I can’t handle it, I’d probably change my project question to something related to X-Ray.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Lyrics: True Colours

I guess at this age, liking someone is normal and knowing that the person you like likes you too makes you happy…Don’t you think so? Everything is so complicated. Life becomes so complicated. You probably take about years to know the person, a second to fall real deep in love and pretty much a long time to forget about that person to move on.

When I like someone, I would always want to see the person and I would be distressed if I don’t see him but knowing that he is close to me makes me happy. Sometimes, I feel happy if he is away from me for more than a hundred miles (don’t need to see him anymore) if he has hurt my feelings before but what happens when you can’t get away from him (as in, you see him nearly everyday)? Well, I’m just wondering, as usual. Someone was talking about true colours and coincidentally, I thought about this song. You’ve proabably heard this song before in television advertisements. Don’t know why I love this song though.

By Cyndi Lauper, ‘True colours’.

You with the sad eyes
Don’t be discouraged
Oh I realize
It’s hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shining throughI see your true colors
And that’s why I love you
So don’t be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don’t be unhappy, can’t remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you’ve taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I’ll be there

And I’ll see your true colors
Shining throughI see your true colors
And that’s why I love you
So don’t be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Friday, July 06, 2007

Darn Lock

The last thing I would ever end up doing is breaking a property in my college and have the news spread around the campus, then face the embarrassment…

I didn’t notice that my lock (the combination type) was faulty. I did not have that problem before this, so this time, I panicked big time. Furthermore, my bag and books were in the locker. I called my brother and he suggests that I should ask the librarian to break open the locker. That was what I was going to do until a senior of mine, who just came back after his holidays stopped to have a little chat.

At the same time, I talked to him about my story and asked him if he could do anything about it. Sure, he was laughing and it did get the attention of other students. They were practically staring at us. He didn’t give up and so, with his magnificent powers, the lock when ka-boom! Nah, actually, I didn’t know that he was strong enough to ‘twist’ the metal thingy which created a small gap, just enough to remove the lock from the locker. And there wasn’t any damage done to the locker. I admit that anything could have happened. I could have ended up damaging college property. :S

Imagine how it would be like had I reported to the librarian.
Me: Excuse me. I need your help. I need you to break down the locker which I’m using because my lock became faulty and I can’t take out my stuff.
Librarian: *swt* -____-ll
Thanks to my senior, I was saved! LOL

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

'Chicken Soup'

Again I am blogging using one of the computers in campus. This so DO NOT feel good. I miss my internet connection… Well, you won’t know what’s gone until it’s gone, huh?

Today was my lab partner’s birthday. Someone who I argue a lot with or just seldom talk because there is nothing to talk about. Well, we got him a book- ‘Chicken Soup for the College Soul’. What’s more is that I wrapped it 8 times I think with newspaper. It wasn’t my idea but a few others suggested it as well. I’m not mean or am I?? *blink blink* If I really did get him chicken soup, he would probably freak out. I wouldn’t know.

I suppose he is contented with it since we (7 of us) weren’t that sure of what to get for a guy when it is his birthday. Talk about gifts, I think that books make really thoughtful gifts. You just need to find something that everyone likes. Something inspirational, motivational, or just anything with humour in it.

Oh yeah, I passed my Malaysian Studies… Whee!!!

Friday, June 08, 2007

The strange man...

I was sleeping earlier because I planned to stay up tonight to watch some shows while I can.

I dreamt that I was with a friend I know, a guy. It was already night time and I don’t know why I dropt by his place. But when we were about to leave together, heading to another place, a big and tall man in a suit with a hat came and bashed him up. If I remember correctly, his suit had designs like stripes; orange and grey in colour. In my dream, his image was not that clear almost like a drawing since the colours were so faint. I couldn’t exactly see his eyes nor any other characteristics.

He demanded for something that was with me. My pendrive. The weird thing was, it wasn’t exactly mine because mine has a black penskin while the pendrive which I was holding had an orange penskin.

After taking the pendrive, he left us alone. Somehow, the setting of the place seemed too familiar like my house in Bukit Mertajam. Then, I thought about the types of file that was in the pendrive and wondered why he was so interested in them. There weren’t any important files but my assignments. Realising that I just lost a whole lot of information, I woke up in shock because I thought I could not pass up my assignment then.

Currently, I’m glad that its a dream.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne

Alright, another singing time. Also by Avril Lavigne. I was listening to this song for the past few days. In her album, ‘The Best Damn Thing’, I love this song and ‘Innocence’ most. I’ve put up the lyrics for ‘Innocence’ before. Surely, this song is also good to mend a broken heart and help heal faster. Well, it worked for me. heheh…

When You’re Gone by Avril Lavigne

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I’d need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I’m alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I’ve never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now


We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I’d do, I’d give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah


Sunday, June 03, 2007


When I’m bored, I crap a lot. It is a fact. Doesn’t the title of this entry sound like a spell or a word for cursing because we don’t hear it all the time? Hahaha…

Suddenly, this question appeared like the sound of a bell ‘tink!’. What other words other there to replace the word ‘nothing’? You see, I read from somewhere that when girls say ‘nothing’, there is always ’something’ and the person who asks the girl ‘What’s wrong?’ would keep on asking.
When I say ‘nothing’ when there’s something, it means I don’t want to be questioned further but sometimes, people who asks me questions just don’t get it. Finally, I found a word—> *drum rolls* ZILCH! If I say ‘zilch’, then they’ll ask me what ‘zilch’ is and when I tell them it means ‘nothing’, they would probably have forgotten what the something from the ‘nothing’ is. Confusing? How about in ‘dialogue’ form?

A: Hey, what’s wrong?
Me: Zilch
A: What’s that?
Me: Go figure. It’s something
A: Lazy lah. Tell lah what is it?
Me: It’s ‘nothing’.
A: Don’t tell me ‘nothing’. I know it’s something.
Me: I said it’s ‘nothing’.
A: Eh, don’t play play. Quickly tell.
Me: Zilch means ‘nothing’. Nothing is zilch.
A: Oohh…. I get it.
Me: *mission accomplished*

The person would probably forgotten about what he/she wanted to ask earlier. Ain’t it a good plan of deviating the person’s attention to something and changing the topic? What other ways would you suggest?

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Something simple

I can’t resist the temptation to blog. A few more hours, and I’ll be heading to Ipoh. So, I’m going to write something simple…

I had a short chat with Infectioner the other day.
L.R :If drug addicts are sent to Pusat Serenti, what about blog addicts?
Renoit: Ask them to find me…
L.R : -___-lll
His blog cracks me up but chatting with him always make me –> -__-ll swt

Jasmine, on the other hand, makes me go ‘Wow’. She’s one lucky girl if you ask me. She has been to Korea and lately, she got to know Korean b-boys! She’s one heck of a talented blogger, a photographer and a great friend. I just love the pictures she takes. Well, not only hers but Hui Wen’s as well.

Currently, I’m listening to James Blunt. His songs are beautiful; lovely tune, lovely rhythm. We have heard of You’re Beautiful from the album Back To Bedlam. We also heard Goodbye My Lover. I personally like Cry and Tears and Rain.

Tears and Rain by James Blunt

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I’d chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I’ve found no meaning.

I guess it’s time I run far, far away;
find comfort in pain,
All pleasure’s the same:
it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I’ve heard what they say, but I’m not here for trouble.
It’s more than just words: it’s just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I’m so cold from fear.

I guess it’s time I run far, far away;
find comfort in pain,
All pleasure’s the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I’ve heard what they say, but I’m not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure’s the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It’s more than just words: it’s just tears and rain.

If the question “Why does she even like this song?” when you don’t like it, the answer is when I like a song, I just like it. Just like when you like someone, you sometimes find no reason why you like the special person, right? Maybe it’s just the invisible bond that forms when you develop a liking with certain criterias and when you found it, you just ‘click’.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Innocence by Avril Lavigne

Yesterday, I asked my friend to recommend me new songs that are nice. She proposed Innocence by Avril Lavigne. I have to say that indeed, it is nice. I was once a big fan of Avril’s when she first released her album ‘Let Go’. I lost interest when ‘Under My Skin’ was released. Now, it’s ‘The Best Damn Thing’. Listening to Innocence make me smile for now reason. I just love it, not only the lyrics but the tune as well. I think she has a grr-eat voice. Don’t you think so? Oh well, it’s just one person’s opinion. Here you go…

Innocence by Avril Lavigne

Waking up I see that everything is okay
The first time in my life and now it’s so great!
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn’t change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don’t go away, I need you now
And I’ll hold on to it, don’t you let it pass you by
I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it’s so clear
Feel calm I belong, I’m so happy here
It’s so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn’t change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliance, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don’t go away, I need you now
And I’ll hold on to it, don’t you let it pass you by

It’s the state of bliss you think you’re dreaming
It’s the happiness inside that you’re feeling
It’s so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It’s the state of bliss you think you’re dreaming
It’s the happiness inside that you’re feeling
It’s so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It’s so beautiful it makes you want to cry

This innocence is brilliance, it makes you want to cry
This innocence is brilliance, please don’t go away
‘Cause I need you now
And I’ll hold on to it, don’t you let it pass you by
This innocence is brilliance, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don’t go away, I need you now
And I’ll hold on to it, don’t you let it pass you by

Silly Thoughts

Imagine if your blog is just another part of you, then, everytime you blog, you’d be talking to yourself (or your conscience). It’s like a place where you talk to yourself, only it’s public and everyone knows what you’re talking to yourself. Funny thought.

Anyway a month back, there was a debate between SMI Ipoh and SS17 Subang Jaya. The motion of the day ‘Blogging should be outlawed’. Indeed, the heat was still on back then. The affirmative was SS17 while the negative side was held by SMI.

One of the points debated was it should not be outlawed because of actions of a few bloggers. If blogging is outlawed because a couple of bloggers abused their rights of blogging and possibly caused chaos, does that mean that driving should be banned because minority of society drinks, get drunk, and drive? Or perhaps ban the usage of telephones because some people play prank calls and ban the entire sms system because prank smses happens as well! It got me thinking, what if communication and transportation really is banned? O.o That ain’t a pretty sight. People ain’t gonna be happy…

Another point given which caught my attention was that blogging should not be outlawed because it is a place for bloggers to express their thoughts and outlawing it is taking away the freedom of speech. Then, the debator gave a few examples of how it is not a crime that it should not be outlawed. The first is a 5 year old kid writing, “Today, I ate strawberry ice cream.” Then, a 15 year old teenager writing, “Oh my gawd, that guy is so cute…”. Lastly, a 65 year old grandpa writing, “After 60 years, a hole in one!”

And if I’m not into serious blogging, I’d probably write “he toked 2 me 2day… i’m sooo happie… he is soo cutee n soo farny… hehe.. but horr, he dun like me cos he like my friend… so, i’ll take revenge on him n he’ll regret.. muahaha…” -____-lll

I don’t know about you guys but it sure did captivate me. Did I mention that I rarely got a chance to attend debates? Besides, I was also doing my English assignment about blogging, so it is like killing two birds with one stone. I’ve got to admit, because I am a blogger myself, I definitely take sides and that is probably why I didn’t write about what the affirmative mentioned because they were just contradicting themselves.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Worse things could happen

I read this in Friendster and I thought that I should share this with you. Parents and teenagers, tell me your views.

A father passing by his teenage daughter’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then, he saw an envolope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed “Dad”.With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

“Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing to you, but I’m leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you’ll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the passion Dad, I’m pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn’tso old these days, is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn’t stand in the way of our relationship, don’t you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It’s true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he’ll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s now one of my dreams too. Randy taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone and he’ll be growing it for us and we’ll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know yourgrandchildren.

Your loving daughter, Rosie.”

At the bottom of the page were the letters “PTO (Please Turn Over)”. Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at the neighbour’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that’s in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home… I love you!!!
The universal fact: All parents want their children to do well but what happens when their children can’t live up to their expectations?

I’m sure that parents would be disappointed and start unleashing unbearable words due to their anger. Some parents probably won’t. Throughout my school life, I had friends telling me how their parents beat them. Some went to school with black and blue, some complained about how they got grounded while many got a long lecture. After hearing stories of my friends, I realised that it is not the As’ and improvements made in grades that they see but rather how many Bs’ or Cs’ their children get. Furthermore, in our report cards, A is seen as ‘Excellent’ while B is seen as ‘Good’ and C as ‘Average’. No matter what it is, we (as students and daughters/sons) must get an A.

Sometimes, the A is so usual that they place no importance. For example, if the child always score A in English and Maths, then, over the years, it does not matter if the child score and A because it is assumed that the child would score again. However, it is not as easy as it seems because to maintain an A average is not easy.

I remember how happy my friends and I would be after midterms or finals but when it comes to getting the results, we were worried of how we could fulfill our parents’ wishes of getting maximum As. Especially if there is a sibling in the family, there would be comparisons. If the older sibling is good in something, then the younger sibling is expected to be as good as the older sibling. Would you agree? Well, I’m just saying that from my point of view and I’m hoping to collect your views.

Another question that was lingering in my mind over the past few years is ‘What is the ideal punishment for a child who doesn’t perform well academically?’ Often the influence of friends and the time spent on the television or other media is brought into the topic, but (to parents), how well do you know your child’s friends and how often do you talk to your kids about their life? I realised that as teenagers grow to be more mature, some also tend to grow apart from their parents but closer with their friends with the reason that they can’t talk to their parents about some topics such as relationships. They can’t talk to their parents about the girl or guy that they like. It is as if the topic is a taboo. Therefore, they turn in to their friends.

I feel bad when I don’t perform well academic-wise. I reflect and I continue to work harder. I’m not like others and others are not like me. I am aware of my responsibility and the need in achieving good results now that I’m in college. In my opinion, I think that young children should be aware and taught about how to deal with the matter if they ever come through such situation.
Worse things could happen than just bad results in a report card. So, don’t be so harsh but instead give some encouragement.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

You Are The One by Elliot Yamin

Alright, here’s another lyrics that you guys might like. I find this song touching and meaningful. Well, actually, most of the songs that I put up are meaningful to me but I don’t know about you guys. This singer, as I might have once said, has a beautiful vocal. So, enjoy!

You Are The One by Elliot Yamin


Sometimes I sit and I wonder
And I just can’t seem to believe
What a blessing it’s been to be loved
You’re an angel sent to me

You’re the star who lights up my sky
You’re the one who made me see
That you don’t need wings to fly
Your love has set me free

‘Cause you are the one who makes me whole
In my heart and in my soul
And just like the sun you showed my the light
I’m amazed and you’re the reason why

Before you I was so blind
I didn’t know which path to choose
You poured all of this love in my heart
And there’s no way that I can lose

And when I have no faith in myself
You’re the one who makes me strong
I wouldn’t have a story to tell
Or an ending to my song

‘Cause you are the one who makes me whole
In my heart and in my soul
And just like the sun you showed my the light
I’m amazed and you’re the reason why

Oooohh you’re the reason why
Oh oooooooh

You are the one who makes me whole
In my heart and in my soul
Just like the sun you showed my the light
I’m amazed and you’re the reason why

Cause you are the one who makes me whole
In my heart and in my soul
Just like the sun you showed my the light
I’m amazed and you’re the reason why

You are the one who makes me whole
In my heart and in my soul
And just like the sun you showed my the light
I’m amazed and you’re the reason why

Hmmmmmm Ooooooh

Raw fish, mutated fish, whatever

I just came back from MidValley. I was having Japanese food for dinner at Kiku Zakura.
The non-smoking area was like a smoking area. I felt like suffocating in there. I guess that is one way to proove that the orientation and movements of smoke particles are Brown Movements (direct translation from Gerakan Brown). I ordered the sushi and udon set. The udon, to me was salty. I still prefer the udon in Sushi King because it had a little (or should I say faint?) taste of sweetness in the soup. The sushi did not taste so bad. What worried me was the tuna fish. Well, it was my first time taking raw tuna, at least I think it’s raw. Usually, I would take salmon and other sorts of raw fish on the menu but not tuna. Tuna fish, when compared to other types of fish is darker in colour. It is redder and it looks like beef, except that it’s fish. (What am I saying?)

Still, the colour gives me the creeps. It made me wonder why miotom muscles vary in colour. Could it be the genes that gives it the colour? Probably. If humans can have mutated genes or chromosomes, what about fishes and other animals? Even if we ate a mutated fish, we wouldn’t know right? If skin cancer is due to mutation after being over exposed to ultraviolet, how about fishes developing scale cancer? *hahaha…* Anyway, back to mutation… If and only IF fishes mutate and is consumed by humans, will humans mutate too? That’s not logical. I’m not being logical now. Still, I doubt that would happen… *grins*

Fish are friends, not food. Wait, wait… Fish are food, not friends. Or is it the other way round? Fish are friends and food?

Too much of imagination is not good. You’ve seen what it has caused me to think and write. LOL.

Friday, May 25, 2007

If I could,... then, I would...

I’m feeling… disappointed; agitated; pathetic.

At some point, I’m tired of what I’m doing. I’m tired of holding back and keeping things to myself. I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of others…

Sometimes, I wish I could take a break. Actually, a lot of times. I bet the people who visited my blog over the year are tired of reading the same phrase over and over and OVER again. If I could, then, I would: stare at the green the whole day; feel the breeze; get drenched in the rain or even stare at the stars. I want to be with someone who I like and talk the whole night. Well, I’m still dreaming. This ain’t gonna happen. For one thing, the amount of green I see is not increasing. I only see green in the garden in campus. I won’t be able to stare at stars because I don’t see stars anymore and that I don’t have a nice spot for me to rest and look out for stars. Lastly, I don’t think the person I like would want to do what I like to do. IF I could, then, I would.

I am being rather pessimistic now. Don’t ask why…

As I quote from a Rie Fu’s lyrics, ‘Nobody knows who I really am.’ People know me on the outside. I am judged on the outside. What matters on the inside- not many knows. Probably my brother would be the one who knows how angelic I am how fun I can be and what blessings he have by having me as a sister… Another person is a good friend from Ipoh. He took quite a long time in knowing how I really am. How am I really? I wouldn’t know but I’m sure he does because everything just ‘click’ and he probably can figure out what I’m going to do.

You see, to me, knowing someone is like hanging on a tree while being blown by the wind. When I let go, I probably lose my chances in knowing other people. But I believe that with patience and perseverance, not only do I build up my personality, I also get to understand someone else better. So, it’s like a win-win situation. If I could, then, I would just hang on in there. Many people I know went with the flow. They let go and followed where the wind brought them. That probably explains why I don’t have many close friends. It’s all because of me…

2nd Letter to Chemistry

Dear Chemistry,

You have no idea how hard you are. You confuse me. You make me lose my confidence. I thought we could be well together but I was wrong. I’m not disappointed in you. I’m disappointed in myself for thinking that I could present to you my best. Today was not my best. Don’t you worry, I will be back and I will work hard on our relationship in the next semester.

For this semester, I hope you would at least allow me to maintain a ‘B’ average in order to fulfill the requirements for the scholarship. Chemistry, there are so many chemistry around that I don’t know which chemistry to start first. What I thought was easy turned out to be hard. What I thought to be hard turned out to be something I could do (sometimes). I’m still waiting for the window of opportunity to open so that I could shine in you…

Still the same buckets of love,

Thursday, May 24, 2007

WENT of "Strike"

Alright! Four down, and one to go… Biology rocks (for now).

Currently, I’m chilling with Joshil and Kabilan in ‘The Web’. They are doing their IB (International Business) assignment and I am… blogging. I can’t absorb anything now. I was reading Biology since this morning at the library in ADP. It was cooling, quiet and nice. There were enough lockers for everyone. I’m happy, they’re happy. Everyone’s happy.

My dad came back from South Africa two days ago and I got some souveniors from a friend there. I got to know that two of my friends are happily married. This time, my dad bought me three t-shirts and a Seventeen magazine. T-shirts from Mr. Price are not only nice, but reasonable at price too. Written on the shirts were ‘Cute but Unattached’, ‘Naughty but Nice’ and ‘Add Me To Your Wishlist’. In my previous trip, I bought one saying ‘Explain to me again why I need a boyfriend’, ‘If you think my music is too loud, then, you’re too old’ and ‘Me, myself and shopping’. Really cool-Ts.

For a split second, I thought I was having writer’s block since I didn’t know what to write.

A few months back, I was searching for bloggers to be interviewed for my English assignment. Well, during the search, I was turned down by one of the most popular bloggers in Malaysia who I shall not name. The reason: There are many projects to be finished in March and April. Therefore, he might not have time to spare for this interview. So, I sort of went on strike- never to visit his blog again. One fine day, my brother “polluted” my laptop with his site and I got to know that he has been travelling to Kuala Lumpur, Penang and other places! Maybe I’m just judging too quickly but if he does not have time for an interview which could probably take just a few minutes, how was it possible for him to spend a few nights socializing far away from home?
I guess it is reasonable for me to indirectly hold a grudge on him. (Or maybe not) It took me weeks to find for another blogger. That was when Lydia Teh introduced me to Kak Teh and Xeus. I guess that’s an arrangement I did not foresee but thankfully, an arrangement which saved my English assignment in time.

Now, I still visit his blog. I don’t see the point of going on ’strike’ when he doesn’t know and only my brother does (and now you guys).

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

An end... for them...

Two days down and three to go…

To be honest, I am not at all looking forward to the next holidays because by the time I come back to college, my seniors will not be here anymore. Although I don’t bump into them frequently, there is always a feeling left behind like something is missing. I won’t be seeing Joanne, Calvin, Alvin, Joshil, Kabilan, Darell and a few others.

I remember the first time when I stepped into college. I felt alienated until these seniors came along, I learnt to have fun in the middle of stress. It is not only the fun. The time spent while bonds take their places, forming friendship is something that is valuable and priceless. Nevertheless, I will still see Joanna on Saturdays if I go for frisbee. As for the others, I think they are going overseas by September (except for Kabilan). Although the time duration we knew one another was short, but it felt like months.

Then, a new badge of students for the June intake will come and join us. The cycle goes on and on and on. Parting for some is hard but eventually everyone moves on with their lives, maybe a few will remember their friends in college. Some may not at all…

Monday, May 21, 2007

Stuffed Toys Evaluation

I love cows and teddy bears especially when they are in forms of cartoon or stuffed toys. Of course, it has to be adorable for me to like it. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be hyped when I see them. Maybe you might want to know a little bit about how teddy bears came to be.

“It all started when President Theodore ‘Teddy’ Roosevelt went a hunting trip and had an encounter with a bear. He called off the trip and had another one in an are where there are no bears. However, he was infuriated when someone tied a bear cub to a tree.

Somehow, cartoonist, entrepreneurs and a few more companies produced goods with pictures of Teddy and his Bear. Then, Steiff, a German made the first jointed Teddy Bears in autumn 1902 just in time for Christmas! Those kids must have been really happy.

In 1903, there was a fair and there were magazines and even a market selling Teddy Bears. It was popular for Teddy Bears provided comfort and consolation for both young and old people.”
(Teddy Bears, 2006.)

How do I evaluate soft toys? I’ll start off with the special features: the sparkling eyes which seems to be hidden beneath their thick ‘fur’ (?). Sometimes, I’d imagine them telling me, ”Buy me.. Buy me..” Another would probably saying, “NO… No.. Buy me instead.. I’ll be there for you whenever you need me.” Then, I’ll be in dilemma. No matter how cute they are, I can only choose to “save” one or not save any at all.

The next thing I’ll take into consideration is the material the stuffed toy is made out of. If I like the material, then, I’ll think about whether or not to buy it. I don’t like stuffed toys that are too furry (since I’m asthmatic) or made of something that could possibly bring discomfort to the skin. Since every individual has different opinions about the materials, the degree of comfort that the soft toy can provide varies.

I will also reason with the price of whether it is worth it or not. Few years back, Beanie Babies were the ‘IN’ thing. Every kid wanted one. It was everywhere. Small, cute and cuddly, each was at least RM19.90 if I’m not mistaken. Then, came a new badge of soft toys from Memory Lane, Lovely Lace, Hallmark etc. To me, I definitely prefered the latter mentioned but it was too costly (since I did not have pocket money back then).

Therefore, I only buy stuffed toys once a year for my brother’s birthday. Last year, I bought him a teddy bear which is lovable although the size of its head is not proportional to the body. I named him ‘Alfred’. Alfred still has the nice sweet scent since the day I bought him in Lovely Lace (around November 2006).

Sunday, May 20, 2007

That's Life...

My hands are shaking. My heartbeat is faster than usual. My mind is not focused. I find myself suffocating once in a while. I know why… I forgot to breathe. -__-ll

So that is how it is like to sit for a midterm paper for the first time in English, in a new environment, in a place where all around you is no longer your friends but competitors in studies. One whack, and you find yourself flat on the ground. You try to get up, but came another whack. You fall straight again, but you’re hanging in there. It is like in a boxing ring. Until the bell rings, you have to fight until the very end. The unbearable pain and torture; it’s all psychologically and emotionally affecting you. You bleed; you have bruises; you feel like dying but you can’t complain and say you quit. Quitters never win. Winners never quit. Nothing is easy. Nobody said it was easy. You can’t do anything but deal with it.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Letter to Chemistry

Woah, I can’t believe I fell asleep after calling a friend who was about to sleep. That is what happens when you talk while lying on the bed, hugging a pillow and holding a soft toy in your hands. I have sacrificed my studying time and now, I would have to study the whole night to replace back that time. Looks like, I can’t blog that much for the time being which I thought it would be possible.

Dear Chemistry,

I do not hate you if you let me understand you more. When you appear in structural formulaes and I am supposed to identify you, you make me confused. When I thought that I understood you, I was wrong. There was a lot that about you that I wasn’t sure- the types of bond that you can form, your polarity also your physical properties.

Qualitatively and quantitatively, I think I can understand you but I hope you don’t make things hard for others, let alone me. Mother nature is complicated enough and I know you mean well to let us know about the carbon cycle, the nitrogen cycle, how photochemical smog is formed, acid rain, eutrophication as well as enhanced greenhouse effect.

Don’t ever get the idea that I like Biology, Physics, Maths and English more than I like you because I like every subject just the way they are: no more nor less. Although people tell me every year that Chemistry is the hardest one of all, I do not believe them because I believe that you open windows of opportunities to every one of us to get love you.

Therefore, I have no right to hate you in anyway. I just want you to know that I don’t hate you and that I hope that you would give me a chance to know you better. Don’t you think that all we need is to understand each other so that things can be done easier?

So, Chemistry. I have to study you now.

With buckets of love,

I’m not crazy, at least I don’t think I am.. am I? *Wait, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know*

Friday, May 18, 2007

What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts

It’s 5.15 am. I was writing my Physics practical report which I thought that I could finish by 12midnight but I ended up falling asleep around 2 am. I got up around 2.15 am because my mum was knocking on the door. Since then, I couldn’t sleep nor was I sleepy. Just a couple or few times, my mind would wander somewhere else and thinking of something else. I’d think about yesterday and the day before that, a few weeks/months/years back. These few days, I seem to have lost my appetite. Yesterday, I ate an omelette and drank a cup of hot Milo for breakfast while dinner was nearly half the amount of fish porridge. I gave the other half to my mum.

This time, I’m going to share with you guys another favourite song of mine.

What Hurts The Most- Rascal Flatts.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again i pretend i’m okay but that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go
But i’m doin it
It’s hard to force that smile when i see our old friends and i’m alone
Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, livin with this regret
But i know if i could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that i saved in my heart that i left unspoken

What hurts the most, is being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do

What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
And never knowing, what could have been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what i was tryin to do

not seein that lovin you
that’s what I was tryin to do...

*Still Alive*

*I’m still alive*

This has got to be my best record of being awake for the past 16 hours with only 15 minutes of sleep. The weird thing was I that I wasn’t sleepy at all. Maybe I feel a little drowsy now but then, I wasn’t tired at all. Also, I was fasting not eating. I was my own experiment. I wondered how long I could stand without food and I think I could reach a day until my mum made me ate the fried noodles she bought.

Oh yeah, yesterday, I was in the Multi-Purpose Hall (MPH) where Joshil and Kabilan were having their presentation. There were many ICPU students and their project was to build a car which can run for 20 metres with a mouse trap. It was so SO SO cool. From there, I learnt that cds and those black plates can be used as wheels. I learnt that alignment is important in order to reach the finish line without deviating and curving. Also, slow and steady wins the race.

It was really cool. Models of different shapes and sizes, even materials. Some used wood, some used plastic. One model which I would never forget is the 4-wheel drive car model. There were models made out of wood only. Another which amazed me was Mark’s (Jo and Kab’s friend). Although it did not reach 20 metres but what drew my attention was that he was working on the project by himself! (He has nice pants too; grey and white). It takes a lot of brainpower in building that. Everything was awe-inspiring. WOW……

Alright, now I’ve got to chill. I’m really tired and as you know, lack of sleep. SLEEEPPP….. sleeeppppp… Finally, I have no more assignments due and I can now focus on my midterm (which would be on Monday till Friday :S). So, I have two plans which I should choose only one.

Plan 1: Sleep until 11 pm or the next morning and only then, study.
Plan 2: Study until midnight and then, sleep.

I want to follow Plan 1 but somehow, I feel that I will follow Plan 2. Is that a Plan 3 which I just synthesis out of the merging of Plan 1 and Plan 2? Wokay, before I continue to be mad……, until tomorrow or the next few days then. I’m afraid I won’t have time to update for a week or these few days.