Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Dreaming Mode

I felt terrible right after Physics Paper 2. I could only describe it as unexpectable, tough and a couple of rarely-comes-out questions. It’s just my luck that of all the years, ‘keseimbangan daya’ had to come out this year. I don’t know how to do it and also just my luck, I was told that I guessed correctly without any working. After checking the revision books and text books, I couldn’t find any model questions. I’m puzzled and curious. Is the paper set not according to the syllabus?

By the time I was answering Paper 3, I had no mood to continue any further. I used to love Physics but then I began to dislike it. I won’t be able to drop Physics any sooner. I guess I will have to love it while I still can for one more year. :S Only a few more papers and I will be free from nearly everything!

Things awaiting me: My brother’s car soon to be mine… TVXQ Posters… New clothes (I’m gonna go shopping!)… Probably a radio or something for my iPod… Korean Language classes… Driving liscence… 24 hour tv time (not for a long time)… probably ice-skating if I still have enough cash-in-hand… Watch ‘VACATION’, TVXQ’s movie…

And there goes me dreaming about what I want when I haven’t even finish studying Chemistry. This is so not right…

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Panic during SPM

I panicked during my paper (Add. Maths 2). It was not that tough until

-I couldn’t get the answer for the first question
-I couldn’t figure out what chapter question 3 was
-I have no idea on how to draw y=-4cosx-(pai/x) in question 4
-I got stuck in finding a positive integer for x with x-24=18 because of some silly mistakes
-I couldn’t differentiate between ‘bergerak ke kiri’ and ‘berada di kiri’

Overall, I think it was pretty okay for me although it is challenging. Now, my next obstacle is Physics.

In just a couple of days, SPM is ending. Patience is all I need to get to that day.

Monday, November 27, 2006


It’s 10.12 am. I had a tough time sleeping yesterday. I slept at 3am.

Have you ever wonder how strong a giraffe is? The neck for example. What happens if the giraffes were to run? Will the long neck be restrained backward because of inersia and will it break?

What about the legs? When it eats, it stands. When it bathe, it stands. When it sleeps, it stands too! If humans were to stand all day long, I can scarcely imagine what will happen to that person. So, does that prove that giraffes have strong legs although in cartoons, their legs seem thin and fragile?

Then, they have the “patches” on their body, or all over them for camouflage purposes I suppose. How do giraffes communicate? They don’t make animal sounds like ‘roar’, ‘woof’, ‘ribit ribit’ nor ‘moooo….’. So, how do they communicate with one another?

I found an article about giraffes and it is said that giraffes are not mute. Apparently, they also give alarm snorts, and moaning, snoring, hissing and flute-like sounds.


That’s another part of Esther wondering about nature...

Sunday, November 26, 2006


If any one remembered or read my blog earlier, you would realise that I mentioned about attending a jamboree after SPM. Apparently, my plans for those have been cancelled. Some know why and many don’t know why. I am not disclosing this matter now but I will maybe by the end of December. Friends who read this blog of mine might see it coming but most will find it unexpected. I feel a little guilty not telling my friends. It is like purposely disappear without telling.

I had my thoughts cleared after a few disturbing days which did affected my studies. SPM is ending and I can’t wait. Somehow, in the middle of the battle, I feel like giving up but some one or something glues the pieces of me before I fall and smash into a thousand pieces. I am pretty much sure my seniors have experienced this before. SPM- part of the circle of life for Malaysian students.

In the coming week- Add. Maths, Physics, Chemistry and Moral. It doesn’t sound tough right? If you think so, then, you are mad…

Yet, I still do not believe that I am finally sitting for SPM, the exam of my life. Since I was born until now, every thing I was taught have to be put in use. I had a dream yesterday. It was me sitting for my EST (English for Science and Technology) paper. I know I regretted that I did not write an essay good enough to be read. The examiner just snatched my paper and went. Although EST is officially over, imagine what EST did to my mind. As I was saying earlier, every knowledge owned now must be put in practise and no regrets must be left.

So far, I don’t want to regret about not answering a paper properly. I am a little relaxed compared to me when I sat for PMR. Perhaps it is because we’ve grown to be more mature and handle things better than when we were in Form 3. I know that when I was in Form 3, I did not go online for more than 10 months which lead to termination of my email account.

I am so ready for life after SPM. I will be able to handle my time better then but for now, I will have to concentrate in my exams. Until next time, keep on visiting and leave me a comment.

Saturday, November 25, 2006



A friend is someone we turn to
when our spirits need a lift.
A friend is someone we treasure
for our friendship is a gift.
A friend is someone who fills our lives
with beauty, joy, and grace.
And makes the whole world we live in
a better and happier place.

- Jean Kyler McManus -

If friends were defined like in the poem above, then, he has been my friend but I haven’t been his. I wish to be one but I don’t know if I can be one. I was one sided. I resulted to feeling hurt.
He will never know the truth about what I think about him and I will never let him know. After all, he has someone to care for him. It is not exactly his loss, perhaps a quarter of it is mine but if he ever changes his mind, I am always there, only he wouldn’t know my existence.

I think it would be better if I became a shadow-like friend who only appears at night when he can’t see me…


The first week of SPM is officially over. Only one more week to go… So far, the paper was quite challenging especially for History. All the science subjects, add. maths and moral is are my final papers I will be taking.

These few days, I didn’t have the mood to study.

When you like someone, what will you do when things turn ugly or not the way it should be? After all, life is unpredictable and is like a roller coaster. I don’t know if I should face it now or avoid and never speak of it again. Either ways, I am prone to feeling regretful for something I either did or something I didn’t have the guts to do.

I feel as if someone just yanked my heart out and acted as if he doesn’t know nor care. Perhaps I am the one who is just too sensitive. I’ve never really gotten the chance to show him my true self. To like someone is an uncontrollable feeling as well as to not like the person you like because every thing took place naturally. I was attracted to him without a sign.

I would say that he is unique and I feel that even before we could start a friendship, every thing was destroyed. (a little emotional and exaggerating here…) My friends tell me that we’ll make a cute pair but all those fantasies are just toying with me. I have no idea what he thinks about me. I have no idea if I will ever see him again after this week. It kills me to wonder about all these. I could choose not to think about it but as I said earlier, it took me off-guard- whenever I stare at the sky, the clouds, or the stars.

He probably is going to Malacca after SPM and I will be no where to be found.

When it comes to relationships, I remember my friends asking me about how many ex-es I had. I told them, “NONE.” They did not believe me. When I asked them in return, they will tell me that they had 6 or 7 or even 8. Well, life’s like that. It’s not about the battle of the ex-es but merely the mind .

It’s 2.02 am on the 25th November. (To my brother who may be reading this, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!) I’m exhausted. I shall continue another day.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Make-over Kit

Grad. night was a few days ago. I wouldn’t say that it was a great success. I suppose it was okay. Since the theme was Retro 70s, I didn’t so quite fit in. The food served was edible I suppose. I didn’t eat much. There were Miss MGS and games. I guess the rest had a pretty good time. I don’t recall any one shedding tears. I remember people complaining about their leg pain. That was my first time wearing high heels for a long time. (It felt long to me… )

Leave that aside, school is over for me now. There isn’t any holiday break for us (so unfair) but I’m taking my own. I’m so not in the mood to study. I’m stressed and I’m freaking out here!! Well, the torture will be over soon. I so can’t wait.

My dad came back from overseas and he bought my birthday present from UK. It’s a make-over kit, my very first and that cost him 20 pounds. After converting, it’s RM 140. Yeah, I’m shocked myself. It comes with:

Ultmiate Curl Mascara Black
Nail Xtras Glitter Top Coat
High Gloss Nail Polish Sugar Plum
Shimmer Pearls Aztec Gold
Colour Compact (Lasting Fix Lipstick Blondie, Lasting Fix Lipstick Marshmallow Whip, Shine On Lipstick Bon Bon, Solo Eyeshadow Ivory Coast, Solo Eye Shadow Mardi Gras, Solo Eyeshadow Viva Diva)
Brush Set
Emery Board

From South Africa, he got me a Roxy Shirt (pink). The make-over set is pretty that I don’t want to use it. The brand is called 17. I’m getting use to putting on make-up now.

Anyway, since exams is really around the corner now, I think I’ll take a break here and won’t be updating it for a long LONG long long LONG long time. After SPM, I have a jamboree to attend.. =)

To my friends sitting for SPM this year, all the best.. and may victory be ours!!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Someone gave me something. I would say that that may be the nicest thing he had ever given me. Although some might think that it’s not a big deal, but to me, it is something I would never want to forget.

He was supposed to pass it to me on 9th October but he didn’t because he kept on forgetting to bring it to tuition. I remembered in Form 3, I got him to write in my biodata book because I was supposed to move but things didn’t work out and I didn’t move. (At that time, he would refuse to write for anyone) I don’t know how to describe him. He’s averagely good-looking. Averagely smart. He’s nice but he’s also jerky at times. Actually, he’s mean to me most of the time. Although he’s mean, I know he’s nice.

He is just my special friend- someone I can count on although he is not very close to me.

I’ve had ups and downs because of him. I’ve learnt through a lot of experiences because of him. Sometimes, I felt that knowing him was a bad choice but then again, I saw the good in him.

So, back to the thing he gave me. It was a pair of earrings. It’s shape is a butterfly with a blue thing dangling below it.


Have you ever look into someones eyes and felt that you can’t take your eyes of that person? And that person is also looking at you in your eyes? It feels weird and it is something hard to forget. (Jasmine, are you reading this?? I’m hoping to get an answer from you… hahaha… :D )