Saturday, September 30, 2006

Tired

Imagine having most of your friends asking for help and you want to help them but you feel it is impossible to help them. Those who help themselves will be helped. How do you expect others to depend on you to help them when they refuse to put effort in doing things themselves?

I’m sick and tired with these type of people. There are times when I think that being alone is the best thing. I know what I want and how I want it and no one to stop me or ask me what I want and what I’m going to do about it. Maybe it is the mood swings, maybe not. I hate being questioned on something irrelevant. I hate being questioned about my family, my love life, my personal life. Being concern is not wrong, being too concern is what that bugs me. I don’t like people asking how or where even what my family is doing because it is none of their concern, what more when they are not even close to me and they are acting as if they are someone who play a vital role in my life.

I think I would prefer to be left alone unless I’m around friends I am close too- friends who know me well enough to know what I think and feel when I look at them without having to say a word, without them needing to ask me “Are you okay?”. They are friends who understands and let me blurt out every dissatisfaction without saying a word. They are friends who listens to what I say when they ask for advice and not only nod their head and repeat the same bloody mistake again!
I’m tired of living the same routine over and over again. There is nearly nothing left in me besides my knowledge and someone inside of me telling me “Hang on. Only less than three months left. You CAN do it. You CAN get straight As.” In contrast, there is the other side which tells me “Give up. What’s the point? It is too late now.”

I don’t reply other people’s sms. Is that a problem? I CHOOSE not to reply, so why force me to reply? I choose to ignore messages that come my way. I choose to believe what I want to believe. I hate it when people send me the same message twice five minutes after the other. Example:

Me: Hey, was yesterday by any chance, your birthday?

–>Waited and waited. No reply. Forget about it. Maybe it is the other person with the same name. Few minutes later, I got another message from the friend.

X: Hey. E here. No. Why?

–> Wondering why E is using his friend’s phone. Maybe I’ll reply. I still don’t trust this person. *error in sending* Forget about it. Talk to him later. Five minutes later…

X: Hey. E here. No. Why?

That’s X alright. That’s not E. X lied. I found out from E after class and that is what that makes me angry.

When there is this whole anger-hatred thing coming out of you, trying to break free from being add on, you change. At least I know, I change. I want to change. One of the reasons why I’d prefer to be alone is that I only talk to myself- my own mind although sometimes it bores me.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

A riddle

Exams over.

Finally.

For now.

For the past few days, I’ve been trying to post but they seem to disappear all the time. As a result, three long posts of mine was a total waste of effort. Anyway, my friend and I had a conversation the other day.

Z: Your driving your car on a stormy evening. You stop in front of a bus stop. There are three people there. An old lady, having a heart attack, your best friend and the man of your dreams. Your car can only fit one passenger. What do you do?

Me: I’ll lend my car to my best friend to fetch the old lady to the hospital. Then, I’ll take the bus with the guys of my dreams.

Z: You’ve heard it before haven’t you? You idiot.. *hits you*

Me: No, I’m serious. What’s the answer?

Z: That’s the answer. The only perfect answer. You haven’t heard it before? Seriously? Only one person in 1000 would get it right the first time. I’m impressed. You’re smiling, aren’t you?

Me: Yeah, I’m smiling alright. I’m serious. What did you answer?

Z: First time I heard it, I didn’t have an answer. I was baffled and had no idea it could be turned into a win-win situation. Yet, you are one of a kind. Don’t be perasan.

What would you have tell me if I asked you the same question?

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Battle Results (Day 1+ 2)

Two days past. The results.

Me and BM 1 (Karangan): 1-0

Me and BM 2: 0-1/2

Me and English 1 (Essay): 1-0

Me and English 2: 1-0

Me and History 1: 0-2

Tomorrow is the second paper for History and Moral is tested as well. I’m not that confident now. A pass would be a miracle I think of should I say a B4 is a miracle? I think tomorrow is the biggest battle and I just hope I won’t lose to the paper. Some of you know what I’m talking about, some don’t. It’s alright.

What I would love to have after school tomorrow is a good sleep and I am off to the road of climbing the mountains- Mt. Bio, Mt. Physics, Mt. Chem. and a few more… I hope by then, I won’t be out of my mind. Right now, I have to study.

I won’t be blogging until the day after tomorrow. I will also post my english essay which I wrote for my trials after I get them back.