Thursday, April 27, 2006

They are back!

Who are they? They are not what you expect, not any celebrities nor famous politicians. They are people who brought changes in my life and they are my idol.

My dad was back from overseas last week whereas my brother is back from Cameron Highlands. My dad got me an issue of Seventeen which came with a small bottle of perfume- kaleidoscope ‘i love vanilla’. It has a nice scent. He also got me the limited edition special issue of Saltwater Girl. I just love everything in the magazines.

My brother got me a pair of earings which is roses, lilac in colour. He also got me flowers because the price was reasonable, in other words, it is cheap. He got me sunflowers-yellow and red in colour. 8 yellow stalks and 10 red stalks. My mum on the other hand got carnations of pink in colour. My brother also bought my parents these mugs and saucers which has strawberries on each side of both the mugs and saucers.

p/s: My mum is my idol too…

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Love Life

Love at this age, is it good? What's the benefit from it? Why? Won't it affect your studies? Is it a waste of time and money? When you are in a relationship, is it necessary to spend time watching a movie? Why is it that most parents have no clue about it? So, I am curious.

I don't have and did not have any boyfriends. I was always under my parent's tight security and I am happy that I did not get involve in this. But as time passes, I am curious how it feels. Is there something special about it? Friends I have known have changed- for a girl or for a boy. In the end, friends grow apart. My love life is blank for now. It has been three weeks I think since I was last rejected after confessing to someone I had a crush on for the past more than three years. It was pretty stupid and I was like a frog beneath the coconut shell.

Now, I am more broad-minded. Indeed, experiences are the best teachers for they will never stop teaching you. When I think about what happened three weeks ago, I am glad that it is over. I can concentrate better in my studies now. I also realised what a person he is. It's weird for me to say this, I am actually glad that he rejected me.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Update on everything!

Exams are coming in two weeks. I haven't got time to prepare. Unlike the geniuses, I don't study one month before exams. Unlike the easy-going students, I don't study last minute like one week before exams or a few days before exams. I was looking forward to the next term holiday until I got to know that it is another month later! So, since exam is close, I should be studying but NO….. Apparently, my Physics teacher has an assignment for us and the due date is this Friday. I am supposed to find facts on how to detect counterfeit money using ultraviolet rays and how UV causes our skin to produce Vitamin D. Isn't that nice or what? *roll eyes*

I'm studying like mad now. I think that the school should not have another monthly test. This will make the students prepare better for midterm. What is more inconsiderate is that there are teachers who will postpone the test up to three weeks! Imagine that. Teachers who started the exams earlier have not mark the testpapers. In a couple of days, there will be the launching of two water-coolers installed in my school. After a part of my school was hit by a bad storm and after two sinks were stolen, the Rotary Club decided to give to water-coolers to the students.

These few days have been stressful. I had the worst headache yesterday, mucus dripping from my nose for the past few weeks, phlegm and the feeling of hoping to fall sick so that I won't need to go to school . Not having enough sleep, facing the books everyday, a bit of tv and tuition. No chocolates but at least there is turkish delights. Love life is out of the question no doubt about it.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

The emotion: Anger

When one feels angry, he or she tends to show her temper. My friend would throw her things on her table which would then land on the floor which makes her more angry. When I am angry, it is best not to talk to me because it is like waiting for a bomb to tick. I don't like it when people annoy and irritate me. It is time for me to cool not time to provoke me. As some of my friends are easily mad, I keep my cool but every one has got their limits, right?

I guess anger comes from jealousy, disagreements and it is difficult to control. How to release anger? It is a difficult task. 'Forgive and forget'? An aunty once told me, "You can forgive but you can't forget" which is true. Another friend said, "Only time can heal. I still remember that when I was young, I would feed the fish with a lot of fishfood. That was when I get angry with my parents or siblings. Now, I don't find faults with them. After all, I love them.

Being angry with friends sometimes make me emotional. I would dislike myself, not hate, for not being patient enough and would reflect on myself. Why did I do that? Could I have not done that? I dealt with it by eating. Yes, that was also why I gained weight then and this is obviously not a healthy technique. Soon, I became close friends with some people and I would share my feelings. I don't throw tantrums at people for no reason and I don't do that always. Maybe once in a blue moon. Finally, I was introduced to the blogging world.

Anger made my life like a roller coaster but then again, with no ups and downs, I guess I would not have learn from experiences and the charactaristics of others. Sometimes, anger can give a boost of motivation in whatever I am doing. Perhaps, anger is not that bad and definitely not that good after all.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Rainy Days

I love it when it rains. Although it is cold, it is better than the hot weather. When it rains, I am glad because I may not need to go to tuition if it is heavy because my mum can't drive in the heavy rain. I will be at home revising, reading another novel or watching dvd at home. Sometimes I am too tired to go to tuition.

When it rains, I hope that it will continue to rain but until some point I do hope it had stop earlier. I don't hope for flash floods or landslides but rain,but it is part of the water cycle. I love the rain as much as I love the sun. My doctor used to tell me that I am the type of person who can live healthy in cold and dry weathers because when the weather is hot and humid, I tend to get sick. Perhaps that is why I love the rain.

When it rains, I would think of my friends- in Kuala Lumpur, in Penang, in Ipoh and other parts of the world. I still remember that whenever it rains in school, my friends and I will be happy but then again, we don't get to play in the courts and all of us will be stuck, squashed in a small canteen. Now, there is no school assembly if it rains in the morning. Isn't that nice? Besides, my school don't make anymore announcements during assembly. We would line up, listen to the teacher telling us to study and we go back to class.

When it rains, if I had nothing better to do, I would spend my time on the laptop, blogging and sending emails to my friends. If the rain is too heavy that lightning strikes, I won't be online but dreaming in my sleep. After all, I love sleeping too. Or else, use the laptop depending only on its batteries and play games!

When it rains, I would be babbling away in my own world, fantasizing and let my imagination run wild. Sometimes I would try to recall what I dreamt about last night. I have a lot of pleasant dreams and I hope that some of them might come true. I'm thinking too much…

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


A day which on which one is exempt from work. Also known as vacation.

Holiday is like a break that is loved by many especially stressed students. Some take this time out to finish their assignments where as some take the advantage to study for the next term. There are teenagers who would sleep in until noon, or go on a trip whether it is with their family or friends depending on how long the holiday is. Some would also go to arcades to play games, surf the internet and treat themselves to a movie with popcorns. However, there are people who don't prefer long term holidays. They would say that life is boring and so on.

I know friends who plays Dota with their heart and soul. Although I haven't indulge myself, I hope to know about it someday. I used to play Theme Hospital and could not get of it for days. I was in my room for three days and would only come out to eat. I did feel sick after the third day when I went window-shopping with my family, I was dizzy and lost my balance. I had to hog my brother's arm as I walk.

Talking about holidays, I'm sure most of you have been overseas- Singapore, Hong Kong, China, Korea, Australia, Japan, South Africa, America etc. You experience different lifestyles- food, dressing and speech. You don't understand what they are saying-Japan and Korea for example. In other countries, English is one of the languages well spoken. As for the food, you just munch what is served not that you have any option.

Most of us think that the grass on the other side is always greener. At first, I used to think that winter is a wonderful season because there is snow. Then, autumn because the dry yellow and red leaves is not an everyday thing. Next in line, spring when flowers blossoms and is colourful. Last but not least, summer, the season which I don't fancy but appreciated by others. To me, I love my country. The humid climate, mouth-watering food and the peace

Sunday, April 16, 2006


It takes many type of people to make this world go round. They could be our friends, foes or even strangers. In my life, I would say that there are two people who never leaves me whether I’m going through thick or thin. They just stayed by my side and would hold me tightly in case I fall any time.

As how Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile not the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to you when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you."

There are friends who acts like hypocrites. One second they are nice to you, the next, you find them speaking ill of you. They are those who are insincere and only gets close to you to get something from you. After some time, you might actually reflect and think that there may be some truth in it after all.

Foes are those you can’t socialize with. You think that they ruin your life or in some way or rather, both of you don’t have an agreement. Like how my parents used to tell me, “Not everything can go the direction you want it to go. Tolerate, patience and accept others point of view. Reconsider their opinions and compare. Maybe at some areas, they are better than you and you should learn from them.”

When I look back, indeed why make foes when you can make friends? I remember getting into a big argument with my best friend and we did not speak to each other for about two weeks or more. When I gave in and uttered, “I’m sorry.” She said the same thing to me. When we have foes, there is always hatred and jealousy. Most of the things we do will is something like getting up from the wrong side of the bed because we can’t concentrate on what we are doing.

I hope that you readers will enjoy reading my posts. Regretfully, I have to say that I am not an everyday blogger and that sometimes my post can come once in a blue moon- when I am having exams.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Chatting online...

It's boring. I used to visit forums especially SMI forum but now, it has been shut down. There is no updates in Friendster and nothing special in this blog-comments etc. Chatting is not my mum's cup of tea after someone messaged me even though I put my status as BUSY (sometimes AWAY). On MSN Messenger, you block someone for reason (if you do) , right? Then, that person asks you, "Why did you block me?" That is one question I can't answer. It's like I passed a message through someone to tell him not to bother me. But, NOOO, he just couldn't stop messaging. So, I blocked him and he in return asked me such question. In Malay, I would say, "Faham-fahamlah. Tak payah tanya pun dah tahu kan... (Understand yourself, you don't need to ask to get an answer.)"
Yesterday, someone messaged me through msn, "Hey sexy, what r u doing?" I was freaked out. I mean didn't that person see the message I left which was 'I won't layan anyone and I mean it except you have IMPORTANT things to ask.. read my words IMPORTANT...spell it I-M-P-O-R-T-A-N-T' and it turned out that that person is from East London, age fifteen. Right, like I will buy that. People are different online. That is why teenagers are always advised to not chat with people they don't know. How on earth did I even add him? The first thing that always come to my mind when people uses the word 'sexy' (something I dislike) is that the person is a pervert. That's what I think. Now, he's out of my list for good.
Chatting is not really a good thing because once you have a typo error, the other person might misunderstand. I remember an incident which messed me for good when my friend's girlfriend thought that I like him. Now, I don't even consider him as my friend. We used to be close because he was one of the couple of people I knew from the youth group when I first came to Ipoh. Coincidentally, we went to the same tuition centre. It all started when K send me an emoticon which was a hamster. K's girlfriend, C added me in msn too and when I chatted with her, I used that emoticon too. It's universal and there's no limit to who you can and can't use that emoticon, right? And she asked me, "What's with that emotion? (she meant 'emoticon') " I said nothing and asked me if K send me anything. I was blurr.. who would send another person emotion? So, I said no. In the end, I found out it was a typo and I said, "Yes, K send me that emoticon." C got furious and spreaded some stuff about me and K over the forum which I am still mad about. Not, they are acting like nothing happened. The only way I could forget about it is that she apologizes in front of me.
Chatting is also not a way to make a family bond among siblings. My brother would be a couple of feet away from me and both of us would message each other. The emoticon would show something laughing when in reality, neither one of us are laughing. It is also a way to torture him when he is in the room doing something and I would be nudging him to make him stop his work just to read my messages which is full of crap.


Thursday, April 13, 2006

Continuous from the previous post...

Part 2....
I sat for 4 papers today- English, Mod. Maths, History and Biology. I would say that all of them were okay. Through out the week I think I have screwed the Physics and History exam big time. Hehe.. Anyway, it was during English test, I felt someone staring at me. So, I looked to my right. Teacher went out and I passed up my paper already so, I was free. I talked to her since she finished her paper too. Then, a girl from the back asked, "What is the meaning of 'numb look'?" I stared at her blankly and my friend answered her, "I wrote the unatural look."
I was surprised. I did not expect her to give the answer not that the answer was correct anyway but hello, it is an exam which marks will be recorded in the report card (class teacher said it).
Then, during biology test, my friend was being annoying by moving her right arm non-stop. Then, she asked me, "Esther, what is the meaning of 'satu satah' here?" I obviously did not give the answer and she banged her hand on the table. It was annoying to me. The way she acted and all, not forgetting the fact that she is my tablemate, it is becoming unbearable.
I think the best tablemates I ever had were Kar Men and Asha. They were great company and fun! Both of them have nearly the same style in speech and both of them are my best friends. Coincidence? Freaky... hehe... Tomorrow is a school holiday and woo-hoo I'm going to sleep until noon that is if my mum lets me. I am nearly done with my Folio Moral until teacher gave us another essay to write on family. The volunteery work which she rejected earlier because what I did was not correct is now accepted by her. I have no idea of what goes in her head but she definitely caused trouble. I wasted RM8.90 on a 12pieces film and spend time on handphone, calling people with cameras.
Aah.. Life.. I heard from the teachers that the midterm exam will be synchronized in all the schools in Perak except a few who are having them a little bit earlier. Three more weeks left to midterm, I'm going nuts...........

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

"What's the answer for..... ???? "

Let me tell you a story. This is the first I encountered it but some of you may have experienced it many times. It all started when I was sitting for the Physics paper, two periods before school ended. I don't do well in Physics when I panic. What happened was that all of thought it was a one hour paper but it turned out to be 40 minutes. An experiment to prove the hypothesis and structured questions with calculations to answer in such short a time of course wasn't my cup of tea.
Teacher gave her instructions that is only three girls per table and yeah, we obeyed it. Once she handed out the question papers, we were all browsing through the paper like mad people. I was sitting between to girls. Let's name them X, on my left and Y, on my right. Just as teacher said that we could start answering, X said "Esther, what is the answer for question 2(a)? " I just smiled and said "I don't know. I am only guessing it." The fact is I do know how to answer it but how was I supposed to give an answer to someone? That's ridiculous. I'm not even close to her.
I shook my head a couple of times while she was sighing away.
In the middle of exam after I finished answering question 2, I went to question 1 which I totally screw up the experiment. I just found out that I was using the wrong variant. Anyway, Y said, "Esther, I thought we are supposed to write in paragraphs because the question said 'explain'. Why are you answering in the 'report' form?" Once again, I knew she saw and I told her, "I 'hentam' only. I wasn't the one who did all the studying, remember?" In the end, she rewrote her answers but in the 'report' form.
Ain't it weird that people just pop up a question even though they know they won't get an answer? Have they ever thought about the risks if teacher finds out? What are they thinking? I wonder.....

Monday, April 10, 2006

Swimming... phew...

I just came back after a short swim. I aimed for 10 laps at first but in the end I finished 6 laps. I have never been that tired. When I got out of the pool, I walked like a drunk person. I lost my balance and it was embarassing because a lady with a kid was there. As I swam my last round, I did not know why but I just felt that I have to swim as fast as I could. So, I did as if danger was coming. I did not know what. Just as I got out of the water, grab my clothes and walk to the condominium stairs, it began to rain heavily. I was thankful for not being in the water. Who knows what might happen right?
I bought JJ's album for RM40 two days ago and I am listening to it everyday. I love the song 'Down', 'Sa Rang He Yo' and 'Now That She's Gone'. I had chemistry exam today and I can't say that I will get an A but I'm sure that I passed and I am aiming for an A1, at least and A2. I studied. On the other hand, English paper was terrible. When the comprehension is something I am not interested in, I won't understand it and the passage was about complementary medicine which is also known as herbal medicine. I was supposed to summarize about the prospects and the development of complementary medicine.
Anyone who looks at me will know that there are questiong marks around me. It was tough, without a doubt. Perhaps not for Asha and the gang, but hey, my English is not that good although I am still trying to improve.
The battle to sit for SPM started a week ago but I'm not sure if what I studied will stick in this cotton brain (said by my brother) of mine. It doesn't only absorb water for your information. Hehe... I don't sleep in classes now. I pay more attention now. My obstacle at this period is my morale project which is burdensome. I still have one more volunteery work to do after the last one was rejected by teacher. The folio is due next Tuesday. *sigh...
Cheerleaders are causing problems amongst themselves. There's no unity because of one person. She refused to hold any posts this year yet she is the influencing and bossy one. I, for one can't stand her attitude after she wanted to take over the president's place. Now, she wants to change the team captain just because the captain did not attend the meeting last Friday. FYI, the team captain had to attend choir practice because there will be a competition this Thursday, so, the captain did set her priorities right, didn't she?
Ahh.... Life.... Most of my friends have move on to college and university.. There are some who still keep in touch with me. To Kar Men, you're the best. You have been my best friend since we were in Std.2 and no matter how far I am away from you, we treat each other like old times. To Josh and Yew Wai, thanks for your advices about you-know-what. I have nearly gotten over it. Thanks again. To my brother, Kerwin, I miss you so much and come home more often. It's nice to tease, joke and laugh around with you. Besides, how often do you see a cotton brain sis? I know I miss a one of a kind fish...(hahaha) I can read your mind, remember that...
Until next time.....

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Of Life and Exam Stress

I bought a few books recently- Tuesdays with Morrie, Chinese Cinderella and A Song of Silver Frond. Indeed, I have also been burying myself and getting addicted to reading which is a good thing. I did my social work for my school morale project yesterday. It was an unforgetable experience, I must admit. Besides cleaning the windows and sweeping the floor, I will not complain of sweeping my classroom alone anymore. Besides that, helping them wash their school shoes with my friend was an experience which left me speechless. Luckily, there was a girl who was willing to help us out. She was pretty and cute. Then, two came saying, "Che che, you are washing my shoe..." .
Exams is by the corner or should I say the day after tomorrow? Haven't study thoroughly yet but practically I know what I need to know except for History, my worst nightmare. Not really, only the Form 4 syllabus. It turnes out that there are so many things to memorize. For someone who has a wild imagination, she isn't really good at memorising things but Maths, aah... now that is something she can spend the whole day doing, as a hobby or as a way to deal with stress. It's been a week since I was allowed to watch tv for 15-30 minutes. Therefore, I spend most of my time listening to music and study at the same time. There is only one place where I can study- my room without interruptions of course and everything I need. Then again, it means spending less time with my family.
School have never been great with PEKA to do, essays to write, reports to hand in and homework to finish. Still, I am grateful to Jared who helped me deal with stress and also the school counselling teacher. Jared motivated me to study and Yew Wai reminded me that those who really work hard will get what they deserve. That proves that nothing comes the easy way. The only way is to study, study and STUDY... I can't wait to finish SPM with flying colours of course...