Saturday, December 30, 2006

Mum's instincts saved day

You know what I really hate when I’m in KL? It is getting lost on the road because of a wrong turning. It’s been 5 1/2 years since I last left KL and now that I’m back here, many things have changed. More highways, more buildings, less trees etc.

Yesterday, my mum and I got lost after trying to go home from MidValley. We took the wrong exit and landed the Federal Highway. Then, we landed in Pusat Bandaraya. We had no idea where we were going because we don’t know which sign board to follow for heading towards Kuchai Lama. Signboards were showing Bangsar, Kepong, Damansara, Petaling Jaya most of the time.

My mum continued driving and we took a couple of U-turns and landed up in Damansara where we took a wrong turning again and landed on the highway again. Mind you, it was getting dark and it was raining. Therefore, I totally understand what pressure my mum was under. After landing in Damansara, we exited to SS 17 where the area we were in was dark with traffic lights and no signboards anywhere.

Following my mum’s instinct, she just continue driving and took a nine-o-clock at the roundabout. Finally, we saw a signboard saying Jalan Gasing. From there, we knew how to go home until there were two signboards saying KUCHAI LAMA and both were showing different directions! Guess what? We took the wrong one and landed on the highway AGAIN but in the end, we got home.

As the saying goes, nothing ventured, nothing gained. At least, I won’t be making that mistake again. It’s worse than getting lost in Ipoh because in Ipoh, no matter where you turn, you have high chances of getting back to where you were before and start all over again.

You’d never know how a mother’s intuition or instinct can save the day. Some might think that I may be exaggerating but if you put yourself in my shoes, you’d probably understand what I’m saying.

ETOTD: Should there be more signboards or perhaps somewhere on the highway, there is a place where people can stop and ask for directions when they are lost? (We weren’t the only ones who were lost. I saw a couple of other cars near the toll asking for directions. I know because I know. Don’t ask how I know.)

Friday, December 29, 2006

5 tips when renting

Admit it, you missed me… hahaha.. I haven’t been online for a long time because my modem broke down and my brother bought a new one and yes, I’m back to what I love to do!
Today, I’ll be giving you tips about renting a house. You might that you don’t need it now but you never know, it might come in handy.

5 Make sure all the wires or cables are in good condition.

After staying in the new house, we realised that there were a lot of complications when it came to wiring. One said, ‘Sorry lah encik, I believe the Astro cabel sudah putus lah (snapped). Another, ‘Sir, we have to knock the ceiling in two rooms if you want me to fix your air-cond. I think the pipe is leaking.’ A few days later, ‘Sir, I think your telephone cable sudah putus.’

4 Check that the doors, fans and lights are working.

On the first day staying in the house, one of the rooms’ fan was not functioning properly. That room door cannot close properly either. The alarm system could not work.

3 Check the feng shui of the house.

This is very important if you are into feng shui. Of course you need to know that your house is facing a GOOD direction and there are no beams be it in rooms or kitchen. Also, take note that there are no poison arrows and your room is in the direction you want. This is also important for you can plan about where to place your feng shui items.

2 Make sure you have ALL the keys to every door.

You never know when you might ACCIDENTALLY lock your toilet door and don’t have the keys to them. When you get them, label them. Say if you were given 15 keys, you wouldn’t be able to differentiate them nor pick the kitchen door key if I asked you to.

1 Take note that a grill is important, so is more than two locks.

Because of break-ins, it is wise to have the landlady install a new lock and a grill for safety purposes. I don’t have to worry a lot about where I am staying because there are CCTVs in every corner and you need a card which acts as your passport into the compound. It reminds me of my school when there were CCTVs in the canteen, outside the toilet, the hall, the library, the main gate etc.

Feel free to add on. I might have left out some things.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Because of a message...

Yesterday, I called Jasmine three times not only because I heart her but also because she was the only one who answered my calls of all the people I called. (yes jasmine, I stole your line alright…) Karl was performing yesterday somewhere in Bukit Bintang and he said it was great! Well, good for him.

Few days ago, I received a very harsh and dirty message from him. I was offended of course because I never expected him to send it to me. I could not leave the matter aside of why he sent it to me, so I called him up.

Me: About the message you sent me the other day… Why did you send it?

Him: Wait. Hold on for a while.
(Call out to his friend, “Explain to her what happen. Explain to her now.”)
He sounded harsh and I was BLURR.

His friend: Hello, who’s this?

Me: Were you the one who sent me the message?

His friend: Ooh.. Sorry. It wasn’t for you. I was sending it to another friend of mine using his phone. I don’t know how to use his stupid phone. (Gives back the mobile phone to him)

——————–He hung up——————-

Don’t know why I called him again but I think it is my conscience who asked me to. Approximately 10 minutes later,…

Me: Hey, about the sms which I replied to that, sorry. It wasn’t meant for you now.

Him: Hey, don’t worry about it lah, kay? My friends always like to play with my phone. Sorry kay…

Me: Kay.. Anyway, I’ve got to go now.

Him: Sure, talk to you another time.

Me: Yeah, talk to you some other time. Bye.

Him: Bye.


For a friend, I don’t know why I am doubting him. Was it because of our history as friends? or was it simply because of a message? When I think about something negative about him, he prooves me wrong. On the contrary, when I think something positive about him, he prooves me wrong too. I don’t know what I should think.

ETOTD (Esther’s thought of the day):

Thinking too much is not healthy for the brain. You might blow up your brain.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Repetitive Dream

I feel like I’m having the same dream over and over again. I don’t know why and I don’t know what the dream meant but it certainly was not a pleasant dream. I remember from the dream I had yesterday, it was a Friday night. I had flashback to Thursday night too. The location is unknown but there were lots of people and mostly are students.

I was assigned to do something which I supposed was cleaning but I did not do it. Instead, my friends and I went out. There were about 5 people including me. My friend, who is my senior drove. I don’t remember what happened but I could only remember that all of us had a good time.

Suddenly, I remembered that I still have papers to sit for and I forgot to go to school. I realised that I’ve missed my paper on Thursday and now, Friday! And both exams are very IMPORTANT exams. For a second then, I thought I missed SPM. *phew*

One of the other girls insisted to go to Dunkin Doughnuts (or Donuts) while I insisted on going back. In the end, all of us had to return and sneak back into the compound. Later, I bumped into my friends and I asked them if they went to school. Some said that they’ve been skipping school and know that they’ve missed exams but it was not a big deal. Some said, actually only Asha said that she’s been going to school and exams were on. There wasn’t a change of schedule.

The last thing I could remember was only that. I don’t know what happened to me. It was as if I had panic attacks and passed out.

This is probably my third time having this dream. Very freaky…


‘Because I am your friend, you visit my blog and leave a print. What if we had never met?'

As most of you know, I am in KL. I am doubting about ‘adopting and adapting’ to the life here. It all started when I was browsing through my old KL friend’s blogs and friendster accounts. I feel like I don’t belong here with them. Friends come and go in life and some friends stay with you all the way.

I feel so left out like I was desserted and now I’m back to where I came from. The way they dress and act make me feel alienated. How can I put this in a simpler form? I don’t know. Having Jamine, Karl, Asha and Vishnu talking to me nearly every day reminds me that I’m not alone…

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

What I did...

I slept at 6am. I was awake the whole night and it is a record for me. What did I do the whole night?

Replying testimonials
Replying messages
Typing posts
Reading my emails
Watching a Korean movie
Playing downloaded games
Chatting on msn

Thinking of someone the whole time I was doing the 7 things I mentioned

That is what happens when I can’t go online for 5 days. I can’t believe that it has only been a week since the last day of exam. I wish this can continue. At least, I don’t feel as if time is flying faster than I think it is. At the moment, I don’t have Astro connected to the television. Apparently, there has been some connection problems. I still can’t find the USB cable to connect my camera to my laptop.

These few days have been tiring for me. I miss my friends especially Asha and Kar Men. It has been a long time since I last saw them. Asha- my best friend from Ipoh. Kar Men- my best friend from KL. I don’t know what I’ll do if they both had not been my friends.

Oh well, I have to get back to cleaning my room. I’ll update later.

Between male and female

First off, I’d like to voice out my opinion with no direct criticism towards anyone. The issue about men and women is ticking me off.

I read a phrase in the newspaper a few days ago. It was written, ‘…women is the weaker sex…’ Is it their fault if they are weaker in society? To me, both sex are equal. There should not be any domination since from the beginning itself. Then, there was an article which I read about why there should be the so-called ’against violence for women and children campaign’. I understood from the article that women do not deserve to be treated specially and violence should be allowed as punishment. I think that is a barbaric act.

So, why is it that there is not fight for men’s rights if there are wife’s poisoning their husband or stuff like that? That’s probably it is not a common thing which happens everyday, right? I loathe it when women is referred to as weak.

The next thing, between a boy and a girl. A girl goes through a lot of things in relationships; same goes for the boy. Just because a girl makes known of her feelings, it doesn’t mean that the boy is not going through the same thing. I came to an understanding that when girls make it obvious, boys would say that they are over-reacting. When boys make it obvious, it is alright for them to do so. Once again, you can see the domination.

There are boys I know who are arrogant and egoistic. I received a message in friendster telling me ‘You think only girls go through all that shit???? Guys go through more than that. In surveys, girls are much much worse than boys attitude wise.’ That was also because I forwarded a Friendster bulletin with the article ‘Why girls cry. (Boys should take note)’ I beg your pardon? I am so sick of this shit I hear from friends, read from articles etc. Was I wrong to do so? I still have my freedom to forward what others forwarded.

Reality, both parties are just the same. There should not be any need to lower or degrade the other gender. I was wondering why there are issues where both genders can’t get along. Besides, that article is just to make known in general how a girl feels and what should boys take note if there is anything related to boys at all.

“Ladies should be properly attired.”
“Ladies should always be courteous.”
“Ladies should be understanding when a men faces problems.”
“Ladies this… Ladies that…”

Do you seriously think that ladies are perfect? There is no such thing as perfection unless it meets with what your heart wants. That does not at all give men all the right to not be properly attired. That doesn’t mean men can be rude or whatsoever. That also does not mean men can throw tantrums at their wives or beloved when things go wrong.

Have you ever wondered what is the key to a blissful relationship? Do either man or woman take control of the other? Again, in my opinion, it is the give-and-take to produce a win-win situation.

Ladies should be given the freedom to dress whatever way they like as long as it is not obscene. Rape cases don’t happen because girls wear jeans or fitted T-shirt. If it is the man’s problem to have high sexual drives, DON’T ever blame it on the girl because she is still properly attired.

As much as I want to support only one party, I think it’ll be better if I stand in the middle, supporting and defending both sides. I think that it would also be a good idea if this issue is never brought up again- be it articles or speech.

Spending money

I’m back! I’m happy I have my laptop with me now and there is internet connection. For the past few days, I’ve been dreading to go online. I’m addicted now (like what Karl said). My parents did not allow me to bring it along with me at first but nothing can put me and my laptop apart. After 5 days, I am so madly in love with it.

In KL, I did nothing much. I went window-shopping in The Curve and Midvalley Megamall. It wasn’t entirely window-shopping. Mum got me two sets of quilt cover set from Aussino which is so cute. I don’t know how to explain it now, but I will put up a picture of my new room after I find the USB cable to connect my camera to the laptop. I also got myself a pair of earrings from Teddy Tales which cost me RM10+.

In Midvalley, I treated my parents in Laksa Shack. Mind you, it was really good especially the Laksa Sarawak. All together, I paid RM30.48 for 2 sets which came with drinks and dessert and Ais Kacang.

I’ll be spending Christmas in KL. Just the other day when I was at The Curve, I spotted a Gingerbread Man “soft toy” and a lot of adorable snowman. Pictures will be coming through soon. I want to get them but I don’t have the cash with me now. The Gingerbread Man alone (so-called) costs RM30+ and one snowman is also RM30+. *sigh*

This is the time when I would have to plan things carefully in order to “stretch” my money.

Bahasa kita budaya kita?

Have you experienced the irritation caused by strangers when they approach you? I have.
I was travelling from Ipoh to KL yesterday and we stopped at Tapah resting area for food. Mind you, it was packed and there weren’t enough places for people to sit and enjoy their meal. My dad managed to get a table in the crowd and I was left to “take care” of the place so that no one would come and sit while they order their food.

Then, an Indian lady with her whole family came and asked me if anyone else was sitting there and if they could have the table. I apologised and told her that the seats were already taken. She left and sat somewhere else instead.

Not long after that, a rude Indian man came with his drink and sat in front of me without asking. I told him in a polite way that the seat was taken.

He refused to get up and instead he said, ‘Ah moi, lu tak boleh kasi I kah? Lu tengok I lah, hanya satu saja mah. Ah moi mesti kasi punya. [Can’t you just give it (referring to the seat) to me? Look at me, I only have one (referring to the drink). You should give this place to me.]’ Then, he gave me a perverted look.

I stared at him in disgust and said, ‘If you sit here, then my parents can’t sit.’ and I rolled my eyes.

He smirked and walked off with an angry look. It doesn’t mean that because you see a girl sitting alone guarding a table that you can come thinking that you are all that grand and you have the power to sit wherever you want without asking. How often do you sit with strangers without seeking their permission? I’m sure you would say something like, “Excuse me, is this place taken? If it’s not, can I sit here?” or when you take a chair, “Excuse me, is this chair taken? Can I have it if it’s not?”

Because of this incident, the slogan ‘Bahasa Kita Budaya Kita’ made me think twice. What is the purpose of this slogan which is put up nearly every where?

Finally, a Chinese man sat. My dad was not bothered but I was. I told my dad the whole story about the Indian man and he said, “Don’t bother about them.” Well, I can’t do anything much about it, I only reflect on why people there are people with no courtesy which reminds me about what happened at the post office.

I admit that I am probably the one that is sensitive about the whole thing and that it may not appear to you that it is a problem.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Time-travelling and zapping

I’m going to KL later which kind of means that I won’t be able to blog for a few days. Boy, will my fingers be itching there to type. (Don’t miss me, haha… )There should be hotspots where I can connect wireless. I will be bringing my laptop with me.

Came to think about it, there is exactly one month to January 3rd 2007. Ain’t time travelling fast? One hour is fast when you enjoy doing something you like. Would you like to go time-travelling if you have the chance? Will you step into the future and find out what it’s like? If you dislike it, you can make all the changes you want in the present which hopefully brings out a better effect in the future.

I remember reading from somewhere which I have forgotten where there is a person who time travels and is from the future. Until now, I think it is not proven that it’s a hoax or not. After watching a few movies concerning time travelling, it seemed that in future, the world will be reborn and go through the same development process.

What if we could make a difference in making Earth a better place for everyone where it is free from dangerous diseases and free from pollution? I remember writing an essay about how to deal with land pollution and the issue of not enough land for disposing waste. I mentioned that if I could do anything, I’d gather minds of greatest scientist to invent a laser which can zap rubbish into dust. Therefore, we will have more lands for planting trees or development.

If rubbish can be processed to become a renewable energy, the country wouldn’t need to depend too much on natural gas and petroleum but then again, there is always the sun to provide us with solar energy. Did you know that every minute, the sun is slowing dying? I read it somewhere. Because of the reactions between the atoms, the sun won’t be shining, probably a centuries later.
I’m thinking too much but what can I do? Curiousity is part of my nature…


I was wondering… Penguins, they can keep themselves warm with the thick coat of fur and fat.

What about their feet? Don’t their feet feel cold, after all they have reseptors there. After all, penguins are considered birds and birds and homeothermic, which means that their body temperature will remain the same no matter how cold or how warm the atmosphere may be through homeostasis, right? Their fur only covers their head until the are right above their feet.

What about walking on ice? How is that they are able to walk on ice while a human will slip and fall? What is beneath their feet which gives them a firm grip? Are the chances of them finding food higher than the chances of being food?

This is the side effect of watching HAPPY FEET. lol.

of Lying and Cheating

There is this shimmer lotion in the Body Shop, which is known as Golden Apple (if I’m not mistaken) and it smells really good. I bought the citrus smell from Africa one year ago and I barely used up half of it.

I have a confession to make. I hate guys who lie to me even if it is a small matter. There is one person who first wanted to befriend me and lied that he is one of the weakest students in his school because he feared that I might not want to befriend him. Turns out that he is a top scorer in his school.

There is another guy friend who doesn’t want to answer nor reply me and lied that his phone is with his girlfriend when he already broke up with his girlfriend. I don’t know why but I keep on doubting him. I don’t know what is the truth and what is not when he speaks. He told me that he’ll call me if he’s going out but he didn’t. I ended up bumping into him. Probably he forgot or he purposely did it. One thing I knew, I was disappointed in him and he broke my heart.
There was also this guy who said that he loathe this girl who used to be in my class and commented a lot of bad things about her. Then, he went to the girl’s boyfriend and lied that I said it. The girl’s boyfriend ended up having a fight with me but we patched things up. We- referring to me and the girl’s boyfriend.

Not only boys, same goes with girls. When I got to know a friend who was at least at that time to me, amazingly gorgeous, my friends said that he was a terrible looking person and dresses way to out of her league. When I had a long chat with my guy friend this year, it turns out that she was commenting about how ‘hot’ he looked. In other words, liars are like hypocrites.

Leaving the lying matters aside, have you ever cheated or saw someone cheating during an examination? And so we are told that we are not allowed to bring notes, cellphone and any media which can provide answers. I realised that cheating during an exam seem easy nowadays. Is it because the teachers are not aware about what was happening or did they just close one eye so that they won’t need to write reports what-so-ever? But then again, teachers also want their students to do well and won’t have the heart to turn them in unless both the teachers and students are not on talking terms.

From a student’s point of view, teachers won’t find out. The write notes at the back of their calculator with pencil. The invention of the so-called invisible ink pen but with blue light (I think), you can see the writing has so-called “encourage” students to cheat because they can write notes on their body, uniforms or school testpad which they bring in during exams. Some students even learnt the Morse code and communicate without being noticed. The high achievers let the not-so-smart students copy during exams. What good does it bring?

I saw a girl who peeked at my paper a couple of times during exams and even write down last minute notes which she memorised on the paper she had and covered the paper full of notes with another piece of paper. I stared back at her. This is not fair to other students who have worked hard. I abhor the fact that students can sneak peek into other student’s answers when it comes to drawing graphs, formats for letters or reports and answering on the objective answer sheet.

What if the government were to supply calculators for students so that all the students will be using the same calculator (non-programmed) and they won’t be able to write notes? Students in the rural areas who can’t afford to buy calculators will be able to use one. What if instead of separating students 1m x 1m, have blocks or solid-coloured plastic (like in the library) high enough to prevent others from peeking into other student’s paper and other student’s won’t need to worry about having to cover their papers carefully? After all, this is only a thought. Anything is possible now.

Who would have thought that government examination fees would be abolished and students will take the paper without having to pay? It used to be the competition is seeing who can achieve more 1A but since it has been limited to 12 subjects per Form 5 students, I think that the chances to get scholarship is fairer.

Out for the day..

I went to Jusco today with Asha and Meera. It started out pretty bad considering the fact that I was the last and the latest to reach. I wanted to go for 2 movies today but I only went for one. I saw him in Jusco. All of the sudden, I felt cheated. Someone lied to me and acted as if nothing happened.

I saw this shirt in Esprit and it was RM169.90 . It is red in colour, with a so-called outline of a reindeer’s head stitches which I found cute. I didn’t get it. I’d be considered mad to even get it with my own money. I think it is to match the holiday season- CHRISTMAS!

We continued exploring until we reached Padini. I saw him. I asked him if he would like to go for a movie and he said he had to be home by 5.00pm.

In the end, Meera, Asha and I watched HAPPY FEET which was pretty good. The pictures of those penguins did not make me want to watch it but since that was the only movie which ends before 6.30pm, I just bought the tickets. Turns out that watching it with Asha and Meera was the best! I’ve never laughed so much before. Now, I have a thing for penguins. When they are small, they are adorable but not when they reach adulthood. Seals and whales are scary in the movie. Elephant seals are gross. Next stop, DEATH NOTE and CINTA.

After that, I got myself a bracelet a nail buffer as well as Seventeen magazine. I’m so exhausted now. I can’t wait to go to KL to shop! Speaking about nail buffer, it is my first time getting to know about it. I am a late bloomer. Most of my friends already know what it is and how to use it and I resulted to calling Asha a lot of times asking questions like:

Do you move your nails from left to right or is it down to up and vice versa?
How long do you need to ‘buff’ the nails?
How long will your nails stay ’shiny’?
Why do people ‘buff’ their nails? and so on….

Asha was laughing and was saying that I make buffing nails sound hard. She also mentioned that when I asked her those questions, it was as if I was going to sit for an exam. Friends I can turn to for fashion advice or opinions are Asha and Jasmine. Now, Meera is added to my list! These three girls are the nicest and the sweetest. Meera and Asha actually realised that I was upset over something while we were munching wedges and fries in KFC. I thought it wasn’t obvious, but yeah, I was unhappy over something but everything changed after watching HAPPY FEET.
I’d love to watch it again. There are so many songs which sounds adorable when the penguins sang them…

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Look at Karl

Karl sings..

It doesn’t look nearly the same right? Especially the eyes and the background, it doesnt quite match… nor the angle…

For Jasmine

This one is specially for Jasmine..

Her blog header

My drawing

Sunday, December 03, 2006


Tomorrow is the last day of SPM. I can’t wait for it. Well, I predict by 3.35pm (after the test papers are collected) there will be screaming and laughing. Who knows? Maybe someone will lead and say ‘MERDEKA!’

Tomorrow is the last day we’ll ever wear our uniforms and wear name tags. Say goodbye to the attire as well as school shoes. There is no need to line up for assembly or have our name written for coming late to school.

Tomorrow is the last day we’ll step foot in school this year. The next I’m going there is probably next year when I collect my results. Say goodbye to the Raintree which has been there for decades. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I think I’m going to miss this school-at least only by it’s building structures.

Tomorrow is the last day my classmates and I meet. We’ll probably bump into one another in Jaya Jusco and not recognise one another. I wonder if anyone will cry tomorrow. Nahh….

Tomorrow is only a few hours away. By 4.00 pm, my room will be as clean as a whistle with no books around me. My desk will be clean and it will look like the first time I moved here to Ipoh.

The day after tomorrow however is one day I want to enjoy to the maximum. I want to go for lunch with my friends and catch maybe 2 movies if I still have the cash after spending on magazines, food, novels and soft toys. I want that to be the best day ever with Asha and Meera.
There will a lot of picture taking since I’ve gotten the permission from my brother to use his.

Actually, it’s mine but I can’t bear the guilt of him paying and me taking. Therefore, when he get his new camera, I will pitch in a little for him.

As much as I would love to talk about a topic which my friend sparked up concerning the circle of life where if a guy asks a girl out, he’s cool but if a girl asks a guy out, she’s cheap. I so do not, DO NOT agree on that and will talk about it next time as well as the topic on Sethe, my group froggie who died of disection, operated by me.

By the way, I called him and spoke to him for 2 min 25 sec. Until then, cheers.

At the library...

There is a star** in the SKY… just for you.

That star** will make sure that your DREAMS come true.

So in case you are stumbling don’t get too blue.

That star** in the sky… it BELIEVES in you.

(I believe in YOU and your star** too.)

BY Ashley Rice

It’s good to know that in whatever situation, someone or something can help take your mind off things…

should sadness come into our lives, what do we do? move on and act like nothing happened?

should happiness come and pay a visit, do we wish it stayed longer and be bias between happiness and sadness?

should feelings be what that is stopping you from doing other things, do we make our hearts as cold as stone and brace ourselves for the worst?

should love come between friends and dreams, do we sacrifice dreams or friendship?

Currently listening to: Love & Longing (My Sassy Girl ost)

Saturday, December 02, 2006

The parting

He was at the library today. He sat behind me about a few centimetres away. It was once again, awkward. We didn’t talk. I had not guts to make a move. I waited for him to make it instead. 3 something in the afternoon, he went back. He walked pass me and I thought it is the last time I’ll see him because we’ll never meet in the library after SPM.

Then, he turned. I thought he was looking back at his friends. But, no. He raised his right arm and waved, at the same time, smiling with a movement of lips saying ‘Bye’. I smiled back and he walked off before I could say anything. The one moment of happiness gushed right into me but it only lasted for 2 seconds. I couldn’t bear the feeling of us parting ways, pursuing our careers.
I got up and walked towards the main entrance. If he is still there, I’ll talk to him and if he isn’t, then, that’s fate.

What do you know? He was there. We talked for less than a minute. He had to leave.

I will never forget the way he looked at me. I will remember it for life.

Well, like how my friend said it, the way you treat the person the first time is going to be the way the person will treat you. If you are friendly towards him or her, then the other side will too. In my case, I froze. Frankly, I’ve never froze in front of any guys. I was comfortable knowing and mixing with guys and girls.

“This is an experience once in a lifetime probably…"

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Dreaming Mode

I felt terrible right after Physics Paper 2. I could only describe it as unexpectable, tough and a couple of rarely-comes-out questions. It’s just my luck that of all the years, ‘keseimbangan daya’ had to come out this year. I don’t know how to do it and also just my luck, I was told that I guessed correctly without any working. After checking the revision books and text books, I couldn’t find any model questions. I’m puzzled and curious. Is the paper set not according to the syllabus?

By the time I was answering Paper 3, I had no mood to continue any further. I used to love Physics but then I began to dislike it. I won’t be able to drop Physics any sooner. I guess I will have to love it while I still can for one more year. :S Only a few more papers and I will be free from nearly everything!

Things awaiting me: My brother’s car soon to be mine… TVXQ Posters… New clothes (I’m gonna go shopping!)… Probably a radio or something for my iPod… Korean Language classes… Driving liscence… 24 hour tv time (not for a long time)… probably ice-skating if I still have enough cash-in-hand… Watch ‘VACATION’, TVXQ’s movie…

And there goes me dreaming about what I want when I haven’t even finish studying Chemistry. This is so not right…

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Panic during SPM

I panicked during my paper (Add. Maths 2). It was not that tough until

-I couldn’t get the answer for the first question
-I couldn’t figure out what chapter question 3 was
-I have no idea on how to draw y=-4cosx-(pai/x) in question 4
-I got stuck in finding a positive integer for x with x-24=18 because of some silly mistakes
-I couldn’t differentiate between ‘bergerak ke kiri’ and ‘berada di kiri’

Overall, I think it was pretty okay for me although it is challenging. Now, my next obstacle is Physics.

In just a couple of days, SPM is ending. Patience is all I need to get to that day.

Monday, November 27, 2006


It’s 10.12 am. I had a tough time sleeping yesterday. I slept at 3am.

Have you ever wonder how strong a giraffe is? The neck for example. What happens if the giraffes were to run? Will the long neck be restrained backward because of inersia and will it break?

What about the legs? When it eats, it stands. When it bathe, it stands. When it sleeps, it stands too! If humans were to stand all day long, I can scarcely imagine what will happen to that person. So, does that prove that giraffes have strong legs although in cartoons, their legs seem thin and fragile?

Then, they have the “patches” on their body, or all over them for camouflage purposes I suppose. How do giraffes communicate? They don’t make animal sounds like ‘roar’, ‘woof’, ‘ribit ribit’ nor ‘moooo….’. So, how do they communicate with one another?

I found an article about giraffes and it is said that giraffes are not mute. Apparently, they also give alarm snorts, and moaning, snoring, hissing and flute-like sounds.


That’s another part of Esther wondering about nature...

Sunday, November 26, 2006


If any one remembered or read my blog earlier, you would realise that I mentioned about attending a jamboree after SPM. Apparently, my plans for those have been cancelled. Some know why and many don’t know why. I am not disclosing this matter now but I will maybe by the end of December. Friends who read this blog of mine might see it coming but most will find it unexpected. I feel a little guilty not telling my friends. It is like purposely disappear without telling.

I had my thoughts cleared after a few disturbing days which did affected my studies. SPM is ending and I can’t wait. Somehow, in the middle of the battle, I feel like giving up but some one or something glues the pieces of me before I fall and smash into a thousand pieces. I am pretty much sure my seniors have experienced this before. SPM- part of the circle of life for Malaysian students.

In the coming week- Add. Maths, Physics, Chemistry and Moral. It doesn’t sound tough right? If you think so, then, you are mad…

Yet, I still do not believe that I am finally sitting for SPM, the exam of my life. Since I was born until now, every thing I was taught have to be put in use. I had a dream yesterday. It was me sitting for my EST (English for Science and Technology) paper. I know I regretted that I did not write an essay good enough to be read. The examiner just snatched my paper and went. Although EST is officially over, imagine what EST did to my mind. As I was saying earlier, every knowledge owned now must be put in practise and no regrets must be left.

So far, I don’t want to regret about not answering a paper properly. I am a little relaxed compared to me when I sat for PMR. Perhaps it is because we’ve grown to be more mature and handle things better than when we were in Form 3. I know that when I was in Form 3, I did not go online for more than 10 months which lead to termination of my email account.

I am so ready for life after SPM. I will be able to handle my time better then but for now, I will have to concentrate in my exams. Until next time, keep on visiting and leave me a comment.

Saturday, November 25, 2006



A friend is someone we turn to
when our spirits need a lift.
A friend is someone we treasure
for our friendship is a gift.
A friend is someone who fills our lives
with beauty, joy, and grace.
And makes the whole world we live in
a better and happier place.

- Jean Kyler McManus -

If friends were defined like in the poem above, then, he has been my friend but I haven’t been his. I wish to be one but I don’t know if I can be one. I was one sided. I resulted to feeling hurt.
He will never know the truth about what I think about him and I will never let him know. After all, he has someone to care for him. It is not exactly his loss, perhaps a quarter of it is mine but if he ever changes his mind, I am always there, only he wouldn’t know my existence.

I think it would be better if I became a shadow-like friend who only appears at night when he can’t see me…


The first week of SPM is officially over. Only one more week to go… So far, the paper was quite challenging especially for History. All the science subjects, add. maths and moral is are my final papers I will be taking.

These few days, I didn’t have the mood to study.

When you like someone, what will you do when things turn ugly or not the way it should be? After all, life is unpredictable and is like a roller coaster. I don’t know if I should face it now or avoid and never speak of it again. Either ways, I am prone to feeling regretful for something I either did or something I didn’t have the guts to do.

I feel as if someone just yanked my heart out and acted as if he doesn’t know nor care. Perhaps I am the one who is just too sensitive. I’ve never really gotten the chance to show him my true self. To like someone is an uncontrollable feeling as well as to not like the person you like because every thing took place naturally. I was attracted to him without a sign.

I would say that he is unique and I feel that even before we could start a friendship, every thing was destroyed. (a little emotional and exaggerating here…) My friends tell me that we’ll make a cute pair but all those fantasies are just toying with me. I have no idea what he thinks about me. I have no idea if I will ever see him again after this week. It kills me to wonder about all these. I could choose not to think about it but as I said earlier, it took me off-guard- whenever I stare at the sky, the clouds, or the stars.

He probably is going to Malacca after SPM and I will be no where to be found.

When it comes to relationships, I remember my friends asking me about how many ex-es I had. I told them, “NONE.” They did not believe me. When I asked them in return, they will tell me that they had 6 or 7 or even 8. Well, life’s like that. It’s not about the battle of the ex-es but merely the mind .

It’s 2.02 am on the 25th November. (To my brother who may be reading this, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!) I’m exhausted. I shall continue another day.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Make-over Kit

Grad. night was a few days ago. I wouldn’t say that it was a great success. I suppose it was okay. Since the theme was Retro 70s, I didn’t so quite fit in. The food served was edible I suppose. I didn’t eat much. There were Miss MGS and games. I guess the rest had a pretty good time. I don’t recall any one shedding tears. I remember people complaining about their leg pain. That was my first time wearing high heels for a long time. (It felt long to me… )

Leave that aside, school is over for me now. There isn’t any holiday break for us (so unfair) but I’m taking my own. I’m so not in the mood to study. I’m stressed and I’m freaking out here!! Well, the torture will be over soon. I so can’t wait.

My dad came back from overseas and he bought my birthday present from UK. It’s a make-over kit, my very first and that cost him 20 pounds. After converting, it’s RM 140. Yeah, I’m shocked myself. It comes with:

Ultmiate Curl Mascara Black
Nail Xtras Glitter Top Coat
High Gloss Nail Polish Sugar Plum
Shimmer Pearls Aztec Gold
Colour Compact (Lasting Fix Lipstick Blondie, Lasting Fix Lipstick Marshmallow Whip, Shine On Lipstick Bon Bon, Solo Eyeshadow Ivory Coast, Solo Eye Shadow Mardi Gras, Solo Eyeshadow Viva Diva)
Brush Set
Emery Board

From South Africa, he got me a Roxy Shirt (pink). The make-over set is pretty that I don’t want to use it. The brand is called 17. I’m getting use to putting on make-up now.

Anyway, since exams is really around the corner now, I think I’ll take a break here and won’t be updating it for a long LONG long long LONG long time. After SPM, I have a jamboree to attend.. =)

To my friends sitting for SPM this year, all the best.. and may victory be ours!!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Someone gave me something. I would say that that may be the nicest thing he had ever given me. Although some might think that it’s not a big deal, but to me, it is something I would never want to forget.

He was supposed to pass it to me on 9th October but he didn’t because he kept on forgetting to bring it to tuition. I remembered in Form 3, I got him to write in my biodata book because I was supposed to move but things didn’t work out and I didn’t move. (At that time, he would refuse to write for anyone) I don’t know how to describe him. He’s averagely good-looking. Averagely smart. He’s nice but he’s also jerky at times. Actually, he’s mean to me most of the time. Although he’s mean, I know he’s nice.

He is just my special friend- someone I can count on although he is not very close to me.

I’ve had ups and downs because of him. I’ve learnt through a lot of experiences because of him. Sometimes, I felt that knowing him was a bad choice but then again, I saw the good in him.

So, back to the thing he gave me. It was a pair of earrings. It’s shape is a butterfly with a blue thing dangling below it.


Have you ever look into someones eyes and felt that you can’t take your eyes of that person? And that person is also looking at you in your eyes? It feels weird and it is something hard to forget. (Jasmine, are you reading this?? I’m hoping to get an answer from you… hahaha… :D )

Friday, October 27, 2006

Should teachers blog?

I went to the library today. I think it’s my third time after living in Ipoh for about nearly 4 1/2 years. I saw many DON’Ts. No DOs. DON’Ts include no mobile phones, no cameras, no books of your own, no food, no drinks, no pets, no wearing sleeveless clothes, no shorts, no ‘dunno-what-king-of-pants’, no listening to songs and stuff like that.

When I walked in, I only felt uncomfortable with the squeeky sound my shoes made. It was very quiet and it did give me a creepy feeling. It was only for two hours that I managed to sit and study, again breaking the record of one hour.

Anyway, I saw an article about whether teachers should blog. I suppose every one has their freedom to blog as long as they don’t touch on sensitive issues which can cause disharmony among the people. Do you agree that a blog is a suitable place to detox when you are stressed, happy, moody, angry or indescribable? I suppose in every profession, there are politics, nemesis and stuff. So, how can one handle all the pressure if they don’t let it out?

All of us have the choice of writing what we want to write in a diary. Why I choose to blog online was because I can connect to my friends, and they can help me by giving motivation, advice and encourage one another, letting me know that perhaps I am not the only one facing this problem. Another reason is because writing takes a longer time than typing. By typing, my fingers won’t hurt as much and I won’t be wasting ink too. At least, it would be easier for me to correct a mistake- a spelling or a grammar error.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

I believe...

I’m currently listening to a song- I believe, the OST for My Sassy Girl. It has a nice melody. I was searching for the translation. Here it is:

I believe… When you are not with me there are no stars in the sky.
I believe… The way back to you will feel a little far. I’ll carry all those memories deep inside me.
I’ll feel pain, it’ll make tears fall.

When I won’t cry you will leave me
With no change and no tears.
Someday again the tears will come around
You know it
I’ll believe that you are waiting.
I do it for you.

I believe… It’ll hurt me to see, you can’t cry.
I believe… My tears will fall, you should turn back to me again.
Again I’ll glimpse you come into my sight
And it’ll make my tears fall.

When I won’t cry you will leave me
With no change and no tears.
Someday again the tears will come around
You know itI’ll believe that you are waiting.
I do it for you.

Before I knew you, the world was dazzling.
From that sky I got left with tears.
I will care for that person.

You are the only reason…
To me the wait gives me enough happiness.
Love is the only reason…
As days pass by,
If you forget the way,
I’ll be waiting I do it for you.
I do it for you.

You know, if you want to find lyrics especially for Korean songs, you can always get them at . They have a variety of song lyrics.

Major EXAM

The theme for Graduation Night is Retro 70s. Actually, why do they even call it Graduation Night? It’s not like we are graduating from High School that night. We still have one MAJOR exam to pass! I’m dreading about studying History. It’s hard. Yet, if someone were to teach me, perhaps it will be different.

So, the theme is Retro 70s. Will other students follow the theme or will they dress with whatever theme they like? Should I follow the theme or not? What if other students are not following it? Heels or no heels? What about the hair? At least, I know I won’t need to worry about that. Simple and nice- my motto.

Came to think about it, SPM is way more important than what to wear.. What to do? What to do? How can one have maximum input and output in learning?
I will be free after SPM. I can’t wait for it…

Back to reality, MAJOR EXAM!! -penentu masa depan saya…

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Sad Tango by Bi (Rain)

What if one day you were to find out that a friend of yours is moving to another state? What if one day you were to find out that you will be moving to another state? I have experienced that before twice. Once when I was 7 and the other time was when I was 13. It was hard leaving my friends behind. For every beginning, there is an end. I was once their friend, now, no more. In about less than 2 months, my friends and I will part and there will be two people I will never forget and I will definitely miss them.

Anyway, it’s the holidays now which kind of mean that I should be studying really hard and cut all source of entertainment. If I actually am able to do that, no doubt my parents will be happy. Just yesterday, I indulged myself in Korean songs- sound tracks to be more specific. Amazingly, Rain (Bi) has improved a lot in his singing compared to his previous album and I absolutely love it. One of the songs which I love is Sad Tango (English version not the translation of the Japanese version). I was also listening to My Girl OST, My Sassy Girl OST, Princess Hours OST. I absolutely love them.

Sad Tango English Version

What I got to do to make you mine?
What should I be giving myself to find?
Any clue that you might’ve left behind
Baby please give me a sign
I can never walk away like this
Giving up on you
And it’s true
It’s the only one thing that I’m sure
Only one thing that is so pure
Pure enough my heart can cure
There’s so much I can endure
Baby can you please come back to me

To my arms, please
Finding ways to get you back
Everyday I’m asking to myself
What’s the reason that you turned your back to me?
How am I supposed to live?
Searching’ places you might be
Anywhere I’ll go if I can meet
You and tell you how I need you here with me
I can’t live without your love

Why can’t I just give up and let go?
When it’s over and I know
Everywhere I look for high and low
Couldn’t find you and it shows that you don’t want me to come to you
Come to you again

So I tried
Tried to live my life without you here
But what I run into is more fear
Can you hear my words, they’re so sincere
That I really need you near
Baby why can’t you see this is real?
Please come back, baby

Finding ways to get you back
Everyday I’m asking to myself
what’s the reason that you turned your back to me?
How am I supposed to live?
Searching places you might be
Anywhere I’ll go if I can meet
You and tell you how I need you here with me
I can’t live without your love

It’s too late to say these words of redemption
I should’ve known better
If I can turn back the clock, I’ll do anything and everything
All I need is just one more chance, let me prove my love to you
Let me show you, let me tell you how much I miss you
You’re all that I need girl

Finding ways to get you back
Everyday I’m asking to myself
What’s the reason that you turned your back to me?
How am I supposed to live?
Searching places you might be
Anywhere I’ll go if I can meet
You and tell you how I need you here with me
I can’t live without your love

Monday, October 09, 2006

Post office experience

I went to the post office today to post some things for my friends. Let me tell you my experience when I first entered. There was a lady at the counter. It was my first time and I did not know whether I should take a number since the people who went in did not take a number. I waited until no one was there and I asked her if I should take a number the next time I went there. Rudely I was told in Malay which I will translate, “If there is only a few people, then, you don’t need to. If there are a lot of people, then, take one.” I enquired about how to send letters or things that are heavier than 50g. I did not like the service provided. I just walked away after asking.

Today is the second time I went to the post office. There were a lot of people. My mum helped me take a number. I saw the lady again. I asked her how much it would cost if I were to send exam papers to other states by normal post. She weighed them sulkily and told me in Malay “RM2.10 for one.” I had three sets of the same exam papers. So, I told her that I would like to buy stamps for three sets. She gave me RM4 of stamps at first. Then, I repeated that I would like to get stamps for three sets. Then, she gave me RM6. I asked her if it should be RM6.30. Guess what she did next?

She tore stamps worth RM18. I had to ask her again how much it cost to send one set. She said RM2. Now, there is a difference. Then, I asked her if it is RM2.10 or RM2. By that time, she was practically screaming at me asking what I want! What type of service is that? In case she did not realize, she is also paid to give a good service to customers so that they are content.

Back to the story, I told her again but this time I did the math. I said, “I only want RM6. You told me that it is RM2.10 at first. Then, you told me RM2. I don’t want these stamps (RM 12).” I was appalled when she said to herself, “Ya All*h, budak ini… (Oh my gawd, this child…)”

Excuse me? EXCUSE ME? I am not the one who does not understand English. I was so close to blowing right in front of her. There were quite a number of people looking at me and her. Sheesh..!! You know, English is the international language and I think that it is important that people have a good command in English although it may be a little broken. At least, people understand and know what other person is saying.

She complained and to me, I feel like she did not at all respect me. I may be younger than her but I am still a customer. A dissatisfied customer, apparently.

There may be * in middle of words. It may be a foul word which I don’t want to mention or a word I just want to hint but not mention. I don’t mean to offend in any way if you find it offensive.

Saturday, September 30, 2006


Imagine having most of your friends asking for help and you want to help them but you feel it is impossible to help them. Those who help themselves will be helped. How do you expect others to depend on you to help them when they refuse to put effort in doing things themselves?

I’m sick and tired with these type of people. There are times when I think that being alone is the best thing. I know what I want and how I want it and no one to stop me or ask me what I want and what I’m going to do about it. Maybe it is the mood swings, maybe not. I hate being questioned on something irrelevant. I hate being questioned about my family, my love life, my personal life. Being concern is not wrong, being too concern is what that bugs me. I don’t like people asking how or where even what my family is doing because it is none of their concern, what more when they are not even close to me and they are acting as if they are someone who play a vital role in my life.

I think I would prefer to be left alone unless I’m around friends I am close too- friends who know me well enough to know what I think and feel when I look at them without having to say a word, without them needing to ask me “Are you okay?”. They are friends who understands and let me blurt out every dissatisfaction without saying a word. They are friends who listens to what I say when they ask for advice and not only nod their head and repeat the same bloody mistake again!
I’m tired of living the same routine over and over again. There is nearly nothing left in me besides my knowledge and someone inside of me telling me “Hang on. Only less than three months left. You CAN do it. You CAN get straight As.” In contrast, there is the other side which tells me “Give up. What’s the point? It is too late now.”

I don’t reply other people’s sms. Is that a problem? I CHOOSE not to reply, so why force me to reply? I choose to ignore messages that come my way. I choose to believe what I want to believe. I hate it when people send me the same message twice five minutes after the other. Example:

Me: Hey, was yesterday by any chance, your birthday?

–>Waited and waited. No reply. Forget about it. Maybe it is the other person with the same name. Few minutes later, I got another message from the friend.

X: Hey. E here. No. Why?

–> Wondering why E is using his friend’s phone. Maybe I’ll reply. I still don’t trust this person. *error in sending* Forget about it. Talk to him later. Five minutes later…

X: Hey. E here. No. Why?

That’s X alright. That’s not E. X lied. I found out from E after class and that is what that makes me angry.

When there is this whole anger-hatred thing coming out of you, trying to break free from being add on, you change. At least I know, I change. I want to change. One of the reasons why I’d prefer to be alone is that I only talk to myself- my own mind although sometimes it bores me.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

A riddle

Exams over.


For now.

For the past few days, I’ve been trying to post but they seem to disappear all the time. As a result, three long posts of mine was a total waste of effort. Anyway, my friend and I had a conversation the other day.

Z: Your driving your car on a stormy evening. You stop in front of a bus stop. There are three people there. An old lady, having a heart attack, your best friend and the man of your dreams. Your car can only fit one passenger. What do you do?

Me: I’ll lend my car to my best friend to fetch the old lady to the hospital. Then, I’ll take the bus with the guys of my dreams.

Z: You’ve heard it before haven’t you? You idiot.. *hits you*

Me: No, I’m serious. What’s the answer?

Z: That’s the answer. The only perfect answer. You haven’t heard it before? Seriously? Only one person in 1000 would get it right the first time. I’m impressed. You’re smiling, aren’t you?

Me: Yeah, I’m smiling alright. I’m serious. What did you answer?

Z: First time I heard it, I didn’t have an answer. I was baffled and had no idea it could be turned into a win-win situation. Yet, you are one of a kind. Don’t be perasan.

What would you have tell me if I asked you the same question?

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Battle Results (Day 1+ 2)

Two days past. The results.

Me and BM 1 (Karangan): 1-0

Me and BM 2: 0-1/2

Me and English 1 (Essay): 1-0

Me and English 2: 1-0

Me and History 1: 0-2

Tomorrow is the second paper for History and Moral is tested as well. I’m not that confident now. A pass would be a miracle I think of should I say a B4 is a miracle? I think tomorrow is the biggest battle and I just hope I won’t lose to the paper. Some of you know what I’m talking about, some don’t. It’s alright.

What I would love to have after school tomorrow is a good sleep and I am off to the road of climbing the mountains- Mt. Bio, Mt. Physics, Mt. Chem. and a few more… I hope by then, I won’t be out of my mind. Right now, I have to study.

I won’t be blogging until the day after tomorrow. I will also post my english essay which I wrote for my trials after I get them back.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Exams, but in a different perspective

Exams made INTERESTING by me.

So, many of us thinks that exam is torture, right? Most of us think that exams should be abolished- because we’re killing trees, students face stress and so on. Well, let me tell you something for those of you who thinks exam ’season’ is one of the worse times in your life. Exam is only a game, as thought by U2 Kumar. It didn’t make any sense to me until one fine day, it popped into my mind.

If you like to play computer games- DotA, board games- Chess, or a physical interactions- football, treat exam as one. It is not about how good your memory is but your understanding of things. It is not about how suffering you feel but how you can make it enjoyable and torture the paper instead of yourself. It is not about how you are better than your friends or siblings but how good you are, knowing yourself. If you know you are not as good as you think you are, work hard. There is always time. It is not the quantity of time you have left but the quality of work you produce in a short period.

Level 1. What is exam? It is a game. If it’s a game, why do we need to study instead of playing the game there and then? The answer is that by studying, you’re learning the tactics, the strategy and the enemy’s weaknesses. The exam paper itself is your opponent. All you need to do is to fill the exam paper with ink that writes correct facts which you’ve learnt through out your learning years.

Level 2. Use your skills. After you have learnt the method to do what you need to do, when to do, it is time to pracitse because practise makes perfect. In other words, output learning which can be done by drawing mind maps, doing exercises or writing notes without having to refer to you revision book.

Level 3. Your opponent tries to confuse you by twisting the facts. What do you do? Focus, and don’t let it distract you. You know you’ve studied the tactics and practised on facing the your opponent. Why fear it? Take your sword or weapon (pen/ pencil) and charge at the little men before you take on the King itself. Cancel all the wrong answers and see what is left. Use your mystical powers to see beyond the lie to seek the truth..

Level 4. You are finally ready to checkmate the King. Before that, you need to make sure that your strategy works. Are you sure that all the pieces are in the correct place? Are you sure that the King has no where else to go and there is not other pieces which can defend the King? Check your answers before handing them up. Make sure that you are at least 90% sure with your answers. Double check your workings for Maths, Add. Maths, Physics, Chemistry etc.

You are finished with the game. You have won the battle. Now, it is the battle between your results and your parents. Sorry, I can’t help you on that one but if you have an idea, do share it. I have this problem all the time.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. For my exams this time, I am practising output learning because I realise that I understand the content of my syllabus well (except for History) but I failed to put them at use. Now, I’m doing exercises after I finish studying the chapter. Hopefully this time, I am using the correct strategy to improve my grades to an A1.

I’m not sure how this will motivate you to give your best shot during exams. Remember that it is only between you and the paper which leads to your success. No way we, humans can lose to a few exam papers. Here, I am showing you the kiasu-ism which most, not all of us have. Kiasu means scared to lose. Tell those papers, ‘Be prepared to be tortured by me.’ *evil laugh*

I think I’ll stop here before my imagination runs too far.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Unforgettable memories in KUKUM

First would be meeting new friends and mentors. It was weird at first but these people are easy to socialize with and in the nick of time, we’re already friends!

There was also the robot competition session. It was fun and exciting. There were some of my group members who would cheer our team name when our robot isn’t even in the round. In other words, they were supporting others by cheering our team name. It was funny. But I would say, my team has the highest spirit of them all. There was also the time when we would sit and make fun of one another. You know me, I’m sarcastic but I don’t go overboard.

I will not forget the traditional dance, ponco-ponco which they taught. Then there was the banana thing which I forgotten. Part of it was like ‘Shake banana, shake shake banana, eat banana, eat eat banana…’ First day itself was ‘Kiri, kanan, kiri kanan depan belakang, kiri….’ I don’t remember that though. (Anyone who went and still remember, can you please send me the full thing?) Ponco-ponco is really really nice!

Now, back to meeting my new friends. The Globack Squad who rocks! Kamal- the unique, Danial and Azril- the stylish, Asraf- the nice, Atif- the interesting, Fadil- the friendly and a lot more.
Here, I would like to stress on the mentors. Abang Sedi- the gentle heart, Abang Syafiq- the good-looking mentor, Kak Ras- the optimistic, Kak Yati- the pretty and a tonne of other mentors. Although I may not know your name, but I know you and I think you are the best mentors I’ve ever had. I pray that someday, you all will be great engineers. Thanks for the bookmark, the keychain, the candle and the little souveniour.

Not forgetting the motivational speaker, Dr. Ismail Zain. I was shocked on the first day when I saw my dad getting along really well with him. Turns out that my dad and him were classmates from Form 1 until Form 5 and they met twenty years later. I thought it was a joke when my dad told me. I clarified with Dr. Ismail Zain a few days later and found out that it wasn’t a joke after all. He’s pretty okay for the motivational part actually only that if it was in English, I would have caught his words better.

So, that’s all for now. If I remember more, I will definitely write them here. Attending this so-called camp widened my horizons and exposed me to different types of people who makes the world go round! I will definitely miss them all and hopefully, there is a chance for us to meet again. Until then, I’ll have all the memories preserved here.

Not so happy memories in KUKUM

The not so good memories which I won’t forget includes me accidentally cutting my finger with a penknife and running to a mentor for plaster with blood dripping. One memory I would like to share was the second accident I had on the third day when I was walking to the bus.

It was on the third day. I was imitated by a group of boys- what I was doing, how I was walking. Thus, I lost my concentration while walking towards the bus to head back to campus. They got up the bus before me and I hung up after talking to my mum. I did not have a firm grip while going up the bus; therefore, I slipped and fell on the stairs which I’d like to remind you that part of the stairs is made out of steel.

The boys just laughed at me and did not bother to help! I acted cool as I got in the bus as if I wasn’t hurt or anything but deep inside, it hurt badly. I did not want anyone else to laugh. I sat down and relaxed. The excruciating pain on my left side of my body made me unable to move for a while. Then, I checked for any bruises.

I found two parts bleeding- my right leg, near the knee and my left leg, near the ankle. It was hard to walk. When I got back to my room, I found two blue blacks. One on my left arm, near the wrist and on my left thigh. It was the biggest blue black I’ve ever had. In addition, those blue blacks came with big lumps. To me, it was like the fall of the year.

With those injuries, I still had fun. Some of my friends were caring to wait and be patient when I’m slow.

Day 4 in KUKUM

Day 4

I got up late again but I wasn’t the only one. Day 3, the care-coordinators threw a party for a birthday girl by scaring her saying all the mentors were complaining about how rude she was and the mentor even asked us to show ourselves. It was a prank and it was a little scary. I thought I was the one who was rude to the mentors and all. I kept on asking Arif if it was me. He kept on telling me to calm down. It would have been embarrassing if I ruined their plans.

Anyway, we headed to Dewan Kapitol for our last motivation session and the finals for the robot competition. Articles about KUKUM came out in the newspapers- Utusan Malaysia for a few days. Lastly, there was ending the Klinik SPM 3 Kebangsaan, Menjana Jurutera Glokal officially. We snapped pictures with the Menteri Besar of Perlis, sang ‘ Cemerlang, Gemilang, Terbilang’ and for the last time, the KUKUM song.

We took more pictures, took contacts and greeted one another. My parents came as well. The most fun I had was on the third and last day. If I ever have the chance to go for this, I will. I would also like to meet my friends again including the mentors.

Day 3 in KUKUM

Day 3

Abang Safwan called Abang Bob to bring the first aid. Abang Bob said, “Kamu ialah orang pertama untuk merasmikannya.” He put some dettol cream and it hurt. It was still bleeding but not as much as the day before. Off I went to the first class, modern mathematics.

I got to know Danial, Atif and a few other people. Well, they were sitting behind and in front of me in the lecture room. A couple of us were dozing off during the seminar. So, we had a short chat. That day itself we also had tea and some activity with the KUKUM director.

When we got back after three seminars, it was time for the robot competition. Although my team didn’t make it to the final round, we were able to present two robots. One of them was made out of water bottle where as one more was made out of mountain board. I drew the name ‘GLOBACK SQUAD’ and ‘KUKUM’ with flames as the background. Although it was my first time, it ended up to be pretty satisfying for me.

Then, it was nearly midnight. The activity continued until 2 am. After the robot competition, the care-coordinators gave special awards. I was a surprised when they mentioned me as ‘Pelajar Paling Versatile’ (most versatile student) and my friend, Vishnu as ‘Pelajar Paling Sopan’ (most polite student). Well, it came unexpectedly. However, I think all the students gave their all and they deserve something too.

Next stop was giving awards to teams. The team which created most havoc, most cooperating, most tidy, most supportive, most cheerful etc. My team got the ‘Paling Meriah’ which I have no idea on how to translate that to English.

We took group photographs the whole night. I regret not bringing along my camera. Well, I suppose I can ask ther others to send me those photos. I took pictures with my mentors, group members and other friends.

Day 2 in KUKUM

Day 2

I got up late. I was the last to wake up. My roommates and I were the last to go down but we blend in just right. Our first class was Maths. I was sleepy during Maths. Well, let’s just say that I knew the things she told already. So, I just did the questions she gave in the hand out. I was doing it subconsciencely. In other words, I was doing the questions with my eyes half open but I got them right after checking with the teacher.

Then, there was English. It was okay. His literature explanation part was more interesting that the comprehension part. I slept just for a while. Then, we headed back to campus where we continued to build our robots. I got to know a few mentors better. They were Abang Sedi, Abang Syafiq and Kak Ras- my group mentors. In the evening, we headed back to the lecture room for Physics. That day, we also learnt the traditional Perlis dance- ponco-ponco. I love it!

I got to know a couple of new friends better including Kamal and Arif. They are really nice people who are from Perlis. They are intelligent and always have something to talk about. After the seminar, it was about 11 pm. Again there was the building robot session. This time, Nida, Shaz and I worked until 3am.

That was the night when I met another mentor, Abang Safwan. What happened was that that night, I cut my skin by accident with a penknife while trying to cut through the mountain board. I remember the joints at my finger bleeding until it was dripping. I was scared and shaking. I searched for a mentor and I found Abang Sedi. I felt bad to trouble him to get me plaster at the boys block at 2 something in the morning.

Other groups were testing their robots and my group was in the process. He got me the plaster and I went to the other block to get my hand washed. It was painful and it couldn’t stop bleeding. Then came Abang Safwan. He helped me put the plaster on. The next morning, he called for first aid kit.

My group managed to finish the robot although 9 minds would have been better than 3. I was the last to leave the hall. It was a little scary to walk back alone to my room which was on the third floor but I made it.

Day 1 in KUKUM

I’m back from Perlis after attending Klinik SPM 3 Kebangsaan, Menjana Jurutera Glokal. It was the best experience I’ve had and I’m going to write about it for these few days.

Day 1

My parents fetched my friend and I from Ipoh to Perlis. The journey started at 6 am. We reached about 11 I think. I got to know my housemates and my mentor, Kak Yati. A pretty, patient and nice sister. Then, there was a talk, welcoming us to KUKUM (Kolej Universiti Kejuruteraan Utara Malaysia). Not long after that, we were divided into ten groups. My groups was known as Globack Squad. We had another 4 mentors- 2 male and 2 female.

I regret not taking the chance to know all of my group members. I only knew about three quarters of them. That day, we were also given briefing on the robot competition which will be held on the third day. My group worked hard on it. We were divided into smaller groups- for mechanical part, wheels, and the electronic part. Looking back, I think dividing the mechanical part wasn’t a good idea but it’s over now. Our fascilitator was known as Encik Z.

The objective was to drop 5 ping pong balls into a container when the robot reaches its destination. The elements measured were the speed and the ability to get five ping pong balls into the container. I knew for those three nights I didn’t sleep so well. It got later by the day. First day, I slept at 2 am.

That day, there wasn’t any seminars. Only the session to know one another. I wasn’t the only Chinese there. There were another two chinese girls and one Indian boy (my friend). Getting to know new friends were interesting and I wished that the day would never end. We learnt through fun.

I thought of taking a nice warm bath when I realized that there wasn’t any heater! It was cold water for the 4 days which actually help to reduce my fever. The heat was so intense that I would not stop sweating, even at night! So, sleep wasn’t much help to me being alert the next day.

Friday, August 18, 2006


Yay! It’s just the beginning of school holiday. This is the time which I wish holidays will never end. Well, students in Kedah have just finished their trial exams and Perak hasn’t started yet. Hopefully this time, I’d be able to get better results- A1.

Tomorrow I will be heading to Perlis with my friend to attend a seminar. My parents are starting early. I feel bad sometimes because they have to drive me all the way to Perlis when I will be at the back sleeping. I have a secret only my family members know. Now, it’s not going to be a secret anymore.

I have car-sickness. Unlike people who gets sea-sick when they are on the boat, I get car-sick. I don’t know why but the only thing I can do is sleep. I will be away from the laptop for 4 days. I will be away from my comfortable home. I will be away from my comfy chair and desk. It’ll do me good when I learn and apply what I learnt in SPM.

Anyway, I was supposed to go for tuition. When I reached the tuition centre, what did the clerk tell me?

Clerk: Hari ini tiada kelas. Cikgu suruh you call tapi you tak call sebelum datang. Bukan salah I. I sudah inform pelajar lain. Youpatut call. (There’s no class today. The teacher told you to call before coming. It’s not my fault. I have already informed other students. You should call)

Me: *Staring for pretty a long time…* But I wasn’t notified. You could have called. You knew I wasn’t here last week. I told you. Fine.

I walked out, called my mum, bought some stuff and drove home. On my way, my friend messaged me. He kept on asking me questions about my life. I’m not saying that I hate it but he’s invading my privacy. Mind you, don’t ask questions on my life after school like when I’m getting married, how many kids, what they will be named after and stuff. One more thing which I dislike people asking is about my family.

Don’t make the bomb tick before it even starts ticking. Capisce?

I recently got to know quite a number of friends through blogging and the workshop as mentioned. I assumed two truly Malaysians as Singaporeans. Well, I was wrong and they are really nice people.

There is this essay competition in my school and my teacher wants us (my class) to participate. In conjunction with the Merdeka celebration, the title is “What does living Malaysia mean to you?” Should I write factual like the natural beauty of nature and the development or should I write narration like my various experiences?

It suddenly reminded me of the book “Life’s Like That” by Lydia Teh- scenes from Malaysian life. Who knows, perhaps I will get my inspiration from there.

Monday, August 14, 2006

U2 Kumar Workshop

I’m back from the workshop which was held on Saturday and Sunday (12 & 13 Aug), conducted by U2 Kumar. It was grreat. For those of you who heard of him but didn’t attend his workshop, well, you missed a lot. If you have another chance, you should go for it. These are memories I shan’t forget.

We were divided into 8 groups and to graduate, we have to collect 25 million (It’s not real money). It was hard at first, but then, I got the hang of it. With team work, anything is possible. U2 Kumar trains us and I feel like I’m a new me! The way he speaks motivates others to do better and always make us think in a positive way. There is no word like ‘PROBLEM’ because every problem is a ‘CHALLENGE’. He made me more supportive for others and made me a big-heart person.

Whenever I feel like giving up, I’ll say “Challenge!!!”. Whenever I’m sad or discourage, I’ll tell myself, “Today’s a GRRREAT DAY!”. I love exams because it is only a game. U2 Kumar planted these characteristics in us, and it made us become a better person. I learnt that in a game, there isn’t a losing team but a learning team which made a lot of sense to me. I may be far behind in my studies, I’m learning and I do consider myself a late bloomer.

There was an assignment to thank dearest people in your life. I suddenly realised that I have a lot of people to thank. My parents, my brother, teachers, friends and not so close friends for being patient with me. Saying thank you wasn’t an easy thing to do but then I realise after I was told, saying thank you makes their day and my day. I realised how important every one of these people are to me although I don’t really show it.

My team although merged as the learning team with the last placing, but hey, we graduated. On top of that, I was awarded the Lawrence Walter Award. I was shocked and thankful at the same time. From that workshop, I learnt how special every individual is including myself. I had always underestimated myself but now, I’m confident with myself.

So, thank you again Mr. U2 Kumar. No matter how many times I say this, it is not as much as how grateful I am to know you.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Frustrating life experiences

As my mum and I were heading to Jusco, there was an impatient man waiting to speed somewhere. He honked over and over again. Then I thought of the book ‘Honk if You’re Malaysian’ by Lydia Teh. He’s Malaysian alright. He was overtaking every other vehicle on the road which poses a threat to society. What if an accident were to occur and someone loses his/her life? Note to self: Drive safely, in any circumstances, DON’T SPEED.

So, my mum and I reached Jusco. We bought some things in the hypermarket- cereal etc. As I head for a counter to pay, a lady ran across me and handed her cash. I was like, “Okay. It’s alright. It’s just a lady who needs to pay and rush somewhere else. Patience is important.” The next thing I knew was that after she paid, she went back to the counter she came from earlier and paid the other half of her things! She divided her things to two counters and paid them separately. I was mad but hey, she shouldn’t do that. Not to self: Never pay things in separate counters at the same time.

Then, I came to think about policemen who gave my mum a ticket in Penang. Well, my aunt said that the empty lot is for parking, only for those who is going to buy things from Supermarket X. When we came out, there was a ticket. Well, that’s weird. There is no yellow line- nothing. We don’t know the area so well, so, we had to drop by to ask someone where we can pay the ticket. In the end, my mum stopped a few policemen and ASKED them the direction to don’t-know-what-place.

The policemen were on break and gave us a smirk. Then, one of them said ‘Tak tau (don’t know).’ I could feel the fire burning inside me. My mum ASKED why she got the ticket when we don’t see any signboards saying ‘NO PARKING’. Once again, the policemen smirked and walk away. If I had one chance, I would have told him off. We are citizens and it is their duty to guide us, protect us from criminals and at the same time give us warnings and issue summon tickets but what type of etiquette was that? Turns out that the signboard was there after all and you need to search carefully, even if they are between the trees or the whole tree branch is blocking it that you can only see the pole.

However, not all policemen are like that. Some are kind enough to listen calmly when you panic. For example, when you start blabbing on the phone because your house just got robbed or when you lose your passport when you need to apply you visa in a few days time. Note to self: Watch out for all signboards, policemen and be cautious at all times.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006


I finally got my heels. For a first timer, I am amazed at how women can walk for long hours. Believe me, I had a hard time balancing at first. Then, I got used to it.

I received a message today. On the screen, it was written “Happy 70th birthday grandma!(and some Chinese characters)” I did not know who it was. I thought it was a friend playing a joke on me. Because my brother’s phone was sent in for repair, he is using mine and I am using my mum’s. So, I don’t have records of my friends’ numbers. A while later, another message came. “Sorry I think I got the wrong person..”

*Phew.. So, have you experienced sending the wrong message to the wrong person? So far, I haven’t experience that yet but maybe sometime in future.
I had the most embarrassing moment in class today. My friend was trying to reach for something near my chair. She was supposed to hold on to the chair but she touch my waist by accident. I thought she was doing her work. I saw both her hands on the table when I was doing my work. The next thing I knew, there was a hand creeping behind me!

I screamed on top of my lungs. The whole class stared at me. I was embarrassed. You bet I was. It reminded me again about the squirrel issue.

This Saturday is my class party or should I say gathering in Excelsior. That was also why I bought heels today. Anyway, trials is drawing closer and these few days, I have been unmotivated to study but once I get the hang of it, I can’t stop reading until I get satisfaction.
Have you felt like writing a Sonnet 18 for someone but the you know that the person have no idea that it is a sonnet? At the same time, you think there is someone out there waiting for the right time.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Teddy Bears

I learnt about teddy bears today in English tuition.

It all started when President Theodore ‘Teddy’ Roosevelt went a hunting trip and had an encounter with a bear. He called off the trip and had another one in an are where there are no bears. However, he was infuriated when someone tied a bear cub to a tree.

Somehow, cartoonist, entrepreneurs and a few more companies produced goods with pictures of Teddy and his Bear. Then, Steiff, a German made the first jointed Teddy Bears in autumn 1902 just in time for Christmas! Those kids must have been really happy.

In 1903, there was a fair and there were magazines and even a market selling Teddy Bears. It was popular for Teddy Bears provided comfort and consolation for both young and old people.
Teddy Bears- they are so cute! Last time, my parents wouldn’t get me one because I was asthmatic. Now, I’m better and it has been 2 years since I last got my attack. I’m waiting for my dream guy to get me one.

I read somewhere ‘A man can be measured by his shoes ‘. If you see a guy wearing clean shoes, he is someone who gives a lot of attention to cleanliness. If you see a guy with old shoes, he is a thrifty person.

But, can a man’s cuteness be measured by Teddy Bears? or should I say his romantic side?
Is there Teddy Bear’s Day? A day to commemorate the origin of Teddy Bears and perhaps every children can own a teddy bear. Perhaps a company can donate (if that is what it’s called) teddy bears to third world country children- especially those who lives in poverty. Every child deserves to be happy and should have memories to preserve.

Anyway, for those who wants to know more about these stuffed toys, you can search for it. My apologies for being unable to provide a complete history on it.

Saturday, August 05, 2006


I love dancing but due to the stress I had in Form 2, I stopped- too much homework, not enough time to practise and study.

I started ballet since I was 3+. I continued until Grade 5 and that was when my problem started. You see, after Grade 5 (RAD), there are two ’streams’- RAD (Royal Academy of Dancing) and ISTD ( International Student Teacher Dancing). Unfortunately for me, the ballet center I was in offers ISTD but most ballet centers offer RAD. I continued for about one year until intermediate. Then, I moved to another state.

I searched for a ballet center which also offers ISTD but the teachers weren’t good enough. So, I started RAD which I should have long time ago. In the end, I could not manage the stress for I had to learn and remember new things and classes were twice a week and hour plus each lesson.
I remember performing in concerts as a kid and I definitely loved it. One which I would never forget would be performing in Istana Budaya. For quite a few concerts, I was chosen from my class to dance with other seniors and like it. I prefered to do solo then.

Ballet for 11 years, then cheerleading for 3 years. Cheerleading was not as challenging as I thought it would be. Perhaps it was because I was in a school which wasn’t exposed to cheerleading before. In dancing, I would be a better follower than a choreographer. After SPM, I might join modern dance classes. Who knows, right?

Friday, August 04, 2006

The World is changing (part 2)

What is it about the world that you can change besides the environment?
I read a couple of posts on war. What would the world be like without war? Can’t things be talk over? Why must there be war?

With war, people die. Children lose their parents and they won’t get to go to school- no proper education. What would they grow up to be? War starts between two adults and ends up destroying those children’s lives. Is it fair? Never say that life is unfair for life is fair unless you make it unfair- an individual can affect many. Besides, people get hurt emotionally, physically and mentally. Families lose their loved ones- a father, a sibling, a cousin etc. Imagine to live without our family one day.

‘Where is the love?’ -Black Eyed Peas-

Without war, countries can pay more attention to mother nature and work together to develope a type of technology that can develope all the countries. Together we stand, divided we fall. In other words, two brains or more is better than one.

On an unrelated topic, have you ever thought how the world would be without money? Imagine that. What if the barter system is practised until today? Money- you need to mine and process it to make coins. If less coins were made, then the source can be used for other purposes.

I’ve been thinking a lot these few days. Something just came into me. I know that some of my teachers may be annoyed with me asking too many questions. That is why I love my tuition teachers, not all. They provide enough information and they can answer the questions I ask. In contrast, some school teachers do some times, provide the wrong information.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

To..., be ready....

To like someone, be ready to get hurt.

To get someone’s attention, be ready to be ignored.

To confess to someone, be ready to be rejected.

To peek at someone, be ready to get caught.

To write about someone, be ready to face the consequences.

To talk ill about someone, be ready to be backstabbed.

To be nice to someone, be ready to be treated badly.

I’m not saying that it will happen but don’t make a step without preparations- mentally, emotionally and physically. Perhaps I’ve made a mistake but I have no regrets yet I’m not happy.

Monday, July 31, 2006

The world is changing....

Have you ever wonder of how things are given names and description?

Why is the colour red named ‘red’ instead of ‘blue’? Why is it that when it comes to monkeys, people will think about bananas instead of honeydew or watermelon?

Before civilization, humans only knew how to go ‘Ooh.. OOOOhhh.. *pointing somewhere’ but after civilization, humans can say ‘You, pick that up.’ So, who invented the English language as well as other languages? How did alphabets come about? How did the first person learn the pronounciation of each alphabets? The person who did this sure made our life easier.

Anyway, I was watching Discovery Channel yesterday. Apparently, dragons do exist. Unbelievable but why didn’t it survive up to today? It survived until after the extinction of dinasours. Last time, dragons were known as devils for they will steal food from the villagers but hey, they had to live. I bet if they survived up to today, they will most probably end up in the zoo and the country which has dragons will make profit with the incoming of foreign curreny.

If you could change the world, what would you do? Invent something? Reduce poverty and discrimination? How? If only the world is at peace, every one would be happy. Ask and you’ll be given, don’t need to declare war over something and no lives sacrificed. I read from a book by

Andrew Matthews:
Someone: What if I don’t want to be happy?

AM: Well, don’t be if that makes you happy.

Interesting isn’t it? Surprisingly, that was the only line which I remember until now. Back to the topic, what will you do if you could change the world? I seriously thought that lasers should be invented and distributed to every country in the world. Then, they can zap garbage and reduce landfills. Garbage turns into tiny particles, the molecules break and disappear! There won’t be any need to clear forest for landfills or cover up the landfills and build houses. Instead, there will be more land for planting trees.

More trees means more oxygen and no green house effect! The ecosystem will be restored to its original. No rise in temperature means the icebergs in the north pole will not melt. Thus, no tsunami caused! As for volcanoes, it can’t be helped I think. When the lava cools, it does provide better soil.

What is holding Earth together anyway? The core of the earth is of high temperature. Why? How?

I’d better stop now. Curiosity is killing the cat…

Friday, July 28, 2006

Questions and more!

There was a motivation talk in school today and it was pretty interesting.

“School teacher’s are not boring. It is the lousy students.”

Well, *rolls eyes* some point is may be true. Today’s Physics class was unbearable. Teacher was mumbling and what she taught was not even in the revision book!

The mystery was solved when I asked my friend to explain what she taught in class and my friends reply was, “Actually, I also have no idea what she taught. I went to her after class and she told me that what she taught today was only for general knowledge and it will not be tested in our exams.”

Me: What? Tell me why she tortured us for that 1 hour 20 minutes.
Anyway, I did not get selected in National Service- still not sure whether to rejoice or not. There is an essay writing competition in school. It’s ‘cerpen’ (short story) with any theme of your choice. I am still thinking about what to write. What is interesting?

Have you ever felt that when friends ask you questions, you can answer them but when your teacher ask the same questions, you can’t answer? Or when you know the answer but when your teacher asks you, you decided to change your answer because you think that your answer is wrong and the answer you gave wrong but the answer you didn’t give was right.


I’ve been doing some thining. What are mushrooms besides the fact that they are parasites? Which group do they belong to? They can’t be carbohydrate nor fats, so? It’s not hard nor soft, it is ‘elastical’ but edible. Does it make sense? When we eat mushrooms, are we taking the spora as well? What is the spora made of and which enzyme has changes it to a simpler form of molecules?

Did you know that we talk to ourselves more or less 30 000 times a day? Seriously, when you read the sentence above, you might go, “Really?” (first time), “Oh, yeah, I am!” (Second time) and so on. Mostly, when you are making decisions.
As for my love life, it would have to wait until I finish my SPM. The guy I like apparently still loves his ex-girlfriend. I don’t love, I only like- unless our family members is counted. So many fish in the ocean, why must it be that particular one?

Perhaps my curiosity level is high today that I asked a lot of questions, I hope you guys don’t mind.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Essay: Running Away

“I never want to see your face again!” Those were the last words she heard from her mother. She got down from the car and slammed the door hard. She was going for her tuition class. Slowly, she climbed the steps heavily. She could not think of what to do. She only wanted to hide from her pain.

Earlier, she had a heated argument with her mother over her lack of discipline. Her mother did not understand what she was going through and yet storm on her without realising that her words would cut deep enough to leave a wound. She tried to be patient with her mother but she could not handle herself in a calm and proper manner when her mother shrieked, “You are begin to act exactly like your group friends. Lazy and no manners!”

In her own world with no space, she thought, “Who is she to say such things? She, my own mother doesn’t even know me well. She doesn’t know I have no friends. She doesn’t know who I am or how I act in school. She only assumes and thinks that her assumptions are always right.” For a daughter, her mother should and must not be questioned, therefore, everything was kept to herself. There was no one who she can share her feelings with.

Slowly, everything she kept build up and became something she can’t avoid- hatred. She need not be compared to her all-rounder brother. She need not be someone worthy only of her father’s love. Yet, it happened. Life was unfair but she still accepted it with an open mind with doubts if she should do so.

When she reached the tuition centre situated on the third floor, she straight away went to the back of the building instead into her class. She could not face her friends. Ever so many times, she thought of running away. All sorts of feeling she experienced and then, she thought of SUICIDE. After all, she was standing at a high-rise building where she could see a part of the city she lived in for the past four years.

Confused, she was. Yet, it was already decided. She climbed over the bars. She braced herself and gathered all the courage she had. She let go of the bars a finger at a time and let herself fall with her eyes shut. The wind caressed her pale face, running through her hair.

“Thump!” and that was all that was heard. Perhaps someone must have saw her jumping or someone suspecting something that made the third floor crowded with both students and teachers. As they arrived at the scene of the accident, all they found was a file, a green bag and a piece of paper with scribbles all over and a few tear blots. Someone grabbed the piece of paper and read:

“I’m sorry I am not the perfect daughter you have been hoping for. I’m sorry I am not good enough for you but I’ve tried my best to be the best daughter I can be. What I have given you is the best of what I have and what I am to you is the best of what I can be. Don’t blame yourself for this decision is mine. Please take care of the family. I love you.”

There were sobs, sniffs and even some blowing their noses. Her male friends might not expected this. After all, she only appeared to be a happy-go-lucky girl and socialized well with them. Nobody saw it coming.

Then, someone voiced out, “God bless this child and her family.”

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Antz... I loathe 'em

As well as other insects- cockroaches and beetles, I don’t like ants.

At first, I thought that ants are harmless creatures which works hard day and night finding food. When you drop something sweet on the floor or maybe on the table, here comes the ants in an army surrounding it. Matters turn worse when you find them making their way across the living room from the balcony to the kitchen.

One ant is fine with me but when it comes to hundreds of them, okay maybe nearly to a hundred of them, then, these ants start to annoy me. They crawl to the wrong places and there was once I was bitten by a black ant!

I learnt my lesson that never take a black ant easy for it is as tough as the red ants. I also figured that these ants can’t drown in water. Thanks to Physics, I figured that these ants can stand on water and not drown and die. Even if I press on them, (I know I’m evil) they will not die!These ants must have grown their immunity towards humans’ attacks.

Why do I want them to die? Apparently, there is no reason. If the ants can do their thing without interfering with me, I am fine with it. I don’t need ants crawling through a very tiny hole from the window pane to my study table. There is no sweet things in my room. Thank goodness, I got rid of them when my aunt visited me. She brought along with her a chalk which did do the trick.

As for the cockroaches, they need not fly, yes FLY from outside into the house. The good thing about it is that they are not hissing cockroaches. As long as they do not get into any of the bedrooms is fine with me. They usually fly around the living room and get hit by the fan. I on the other hand will cover myself, from head to toe so that it will not touch me.

And so you have it, the adventures of ants and cockroaches in my house. Some terrifying, some gets on my nerves.